This seems like a decade out of date and a bit like it was written by a python/java fanboy

Plus several points for like half the output arrows leading to Python instead of trying to achieve some kind of false "both sides"ism on which language to pick starting out

Minus several points for the fairly bizarre list of out-of-date languages down below which are fairly poorly mapped onto characters

• C is clearly Gandalf; older than time, wise and powerful, but for God’s sake know what you’re doing before you start fuckin with it
• Java is Saruman; superficially similar, but has fallen to the dark side, still trusted in some circles but the wise have realized that nothing good is coming from it nowadays
• C++ is Gondor. It can get shit done and you may be in a position where its power is all that’s between you and ruin, but beware, parts of it have become corrupted
• Javascript is clearly Gollum. You may need to travel with it, it has a part to play and still some good inside, but you won’t like it and it won’t like you.
• Python is Merry and Pippin. Yeah they’re friendly, they steal mushrooms and they like to sleep late, but in a crush they can absolutely come through.

And so on

This is way too compressed for me to read. Looks cool though.