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The original was posted on /r/autism by /u/yfnbugdealer on 2024-11-12 16:14:03+00:00.

Not a blanket statement- more of a situational thing.

For work, I vend at exotic pet shows. I breed invertebrates, it’s my special interest and always has been. I got the “look at this neat bug” autism.

I have a show coming up this weekend, and just mentally preparing myself is exhausting. Not because of the general public, not because of normal interactions, not because of how many people will inevitably stop by my booth and say “ew why would anyone want these” out loud to my face. But because of the number of parents that apologize. It’s every show.

I know my customer base (and myself), most of them are neurodivergent, if I had to guess I’d say about 80-90% are autistic. I choose the booth in a side room with less traffic- the same number of people stop by as any other room, but just less at once. I have an open space nearby that I set up some chairs in for anyone needing a break. Everything about it attracts the neurospicy people.

Kids will come by and start info dumping about bugs to me- it’s almost always stuff I already know, but I get excited too, I love seeing the passion some kids have because that was me as a kid- just without anyone supporting or encouraging it. They’ll info dump to my partner- who isn’t into bugs, he’s just with to help vend- and he still happily listens and talks to the kids about the bugs, he just can’t answer any questions they have because they already know way more than him about them.

The thing that bothers me is the parents. 9 times out of 10, these parents are apologizing for it saying sorry, s/he’s autistic” and start to pull their kid away or explain that people don’t want to hear it, or telling them I already probably know what they’re telling me. Or that I don’t need to hear about this bug they found at recess 3 months ago.

I can understand when you’re at a family gathering, or some random place. But when your child is in their element and is having a good interaction with someone who enjoys their special interest- LET THEM.

If the person isn’t giving you sideways glances, they’re not obviously uncomfortable, they’re responding and conversing with your kid- let your kid have their moment.

As the kid who got silenced and pulled away, who got judged for loving bugs, I don’t even care if it slows/disturbs business. My partner can handle the sales, I’ll happily step to the side and have a 2 hour long conversation about bugs.

I’ll be grabbing a spare bug container for a kid because they’re holding on to a random bug they found in the parking lot and parents will tell them to throw it out, that no one wants to see it…

I didn’t get those interactions as a kid. I got told to put bugs down. I got told to stop enjoying them. All I wanted as a kid was to have someone understand- they didn’t even have to like my special interests just someone that understood and enjoyed that I had something I loved that much. And now that I’m an adult, I try to be that person for every kid who comes to my booth excited about bugs (or another animal they saw, or even their toy they brought with). When parents apologize and try to stop their kid, it dulls those moments.

I understand that some parents do it because they’re worried about it bothering other guests- and yeah, sometimes it does. I’ve lost count of how many times some random guest has negatively commented about it. I’m quick to respond to those comments, because parents tend to have more emotion and shock- I don’t. I’m used to it, I know how to handle it, and most other vendors I’ve met do too.

So for fucks sake, let your kid have that positive interaction when they’re in their element and don’t apologize for it. It can make a world of difference.

It’s great to teach them that there’s a time and place, but once it’s time and they’re in that place, stop apologizing and let them enjoy it.