oh, drinking dreams are weird. I’ve always put it down to my subconscious working stuff out while I’m not looking.

When I was still “off the booze for a bit, you know, see what happens,” I once woke up absolutely furious with my partner for giving me wine in my dream, and that was one of the things that made me realise I was in it for the long haul.

Welcome, we’re glad to have you here.

OK, regret is one thing, but try to avoid feeling shame. You are dealing with lifelong consumption of an addictive and harmful substance. Take a deep breath, pick yourself up, and go again.

Oh no, I’m sorry.

Remember, those 108 days aren’t lost, they taught you something you can use as you start again.

have you considered using some of the other supported listed in the various pinned posts on here?

Interesting that you’ve found non-alcoholic drinks that you like, though! I’m still in that phase of drinking energy drinks just to feel something, even if the thing I feel is my stomach cramping and my anxiety spiking 😂

I went into it with the attitude of “I’m not spending the rest of my life drinking lemonade and you can’t make me.” 😁 So I always make sure I have AF drinks in. Usually it’s a few cans of Lucky Saint and some Old Jamaica Ginger Beer, but I really like kombuchas and other fermented teas as well.

I’m not sure where you’re based, but if you’re in London, Club Soda in Covent Garden is a low and no alcohol bar, bottle shop and tasting room with a huge range of AF drinks, from 0.5% beers to high end kombuchas, wines, functional drinks, all sorts of stuff. They do mail order as well. https://joinclubsoda.com/tasting-room/ They’re also working with Majestic to expand their low and no offering. https://www.majestic.co.uk/low-no

for mail order: Dry Drinker https://drydrinker.com/

The alcohol-free co https://thealcoholfreeco.co.uk/

Wise bartender https://wisebartender.co.uk/

Also check out your supermarkets, especially the bigger ones. Waitrose have got a good range, as has M&S and Ocado. Morrison’s are expanding their range, too. I don’t know about Sainsbury’s or Tesco, I only have their corner shop style supermarkets near me but they both carry Lucky Saint, I think the bigger ones carry more options.

Relying on willpower is a dangerous game. It gets used up in thousands of little ways every day and, as you recognise, one day you’ll get to the point where increased temptation meets used-up willpower and disaster ensues.

You’re building a new sober life, and you wouldn’t build something without scaffolding, you need sober scaffolding. There’s some resources in the pinned posts here, check those out and see if any of them grab you.

In my first year, I was very occasionally conflicted, but because I’d told everyone I was off the booze, I felt I couldn’t then start drinking without having loads of difficult conversations. I’m British, dammit, I’d rather saw my own leg off in public than have a difficult conversation.

Going into social situations, I made very sure there were non-alcoholic drinks I liked on the menu (and yes, I once vetoed a venue for a work thing because “the non-alcoholic drinks are shit, I’m not drinking water while everyone else is on the wine,”), and if it was a party at a friend’s, I’d offer to bring stuff I knew I liked. There’s nothing worse than being faced with a row of booze and a jug of tap water.

I don’t miss it. I have very occasionally thought “what this day needs is a nice cool glass of rosé,” and then I stop and think “OK, right, what brought that on?” and usually it’s because “this is the first nice day we’ve had in about a million years,” and habit and association are incredibly strong drivers of habit and behaviour.

or early for today 😉

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sure he would be proud of you.

Also, day 145, IWNDWYT

congratulations!

Some personal news:

Woohoo, go you!

Congratulations!

I had a long-distance train trip for a sporting event when I was not even a month sober. London to Amsterdam, a few days in Amsterdam, a trip to the cricket. My first sober holiday, my first sober cricket match.

I went in with the attitude of “got to learn how to do this sober, and there’s no time like now.”

I told the friend I was going to the cricket with that I was off the booze, so I wouldn’t be making a decision on the spur of the moment, the decision was already made.

When the steward came down the train carriage with the drinks trolley, I said “Oh, I don’t drink, but I could murder a coffee!” Fine, I got off the train vibrating from too much caffeine but I didn’t have any alcohol.

I looked at restaurant menus in advance as far as I could, and made the decision of what to drink in advance, so I wasn’t flustered and making the decision in a foreign language. Of course it was Amsterdam and everyone’s English was perfect and the waiting staff were patient and kind, but it was one thing off the list of things I was worried about.

And, the one time a waiter made a mistake and brought me an alcoholic beer instead of the non-alcoholic version, I did the most un-English thing I’ve ever done and sent it back, rather than drinking it to avoid making a fuss 😁

I tried to use a scheduler but it posted everything three times, so it’s just me, posting when I wake up 😁

Welcome, we’re glad to have you here. There’s a lot of support and suggestions in the pinned post on the sidebar. Feel free to bounce questions or ideas off the group.

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but one thing at a time.

“I’m going to give up booze and start couch to 5K and learn Ancient Babylonian and volunteer at the community garden and do all the housework and start walking to work and go on a diet and give up sugar and stop smoking.” Stop it. You’re going to get your head round “doing stuff without pouring booze on it” first, and heal from that toxic relationship first. This stuff is hard, why make it harder, and set yourself up for an increased risk of failure?

Community is so important for a lot of things, but with sobriety it’s really helpful for reminding you that “you’re not alone in this, and there’s loads of us.”

Welcome, we’re glad to have you here.

I know this is really stupid and probably only works because I’m such a visual thinker, but figured I’d share in case anyone finds it helpful.

how does it go? “If it’s stupid and it works, it’s not stupid.” 😁

I would caveat with “if it’s stupid, it works and it’s not dangerous, then it’s not stupid.”