My partner and I had our second a few weeks ago and I received a number of 100% genuine (and appreciated) “have fun with the kiddo” and “enjoy this time while it lasts” messages and you know what? I fucking hate the newborn phase.
Lack of sleep makes me angry, and the entire newborn phase is a red tinted haze of fury. Here i am in the middle of the GODDAMN night rocking this fucking potato for 45 fucking minutes and it’s just staring at me without blinking having the time of its goddamn life. My fucking feet hurt, I’m getting fat because food is the only thing that brings me the tiniest flicker of happiness, my partner is frankly a raging bitch and I’m sure I am in return, the toddler loses his mind at the drop of a hat, and I’m supposed to enjoy it?
Nothing about this is enjoyable. I hate every fucking second and I can’t wait to sleep train this goddamn barnacle who I CAN’T EVEN HELP CALM BECAUSE I’M NOT THE ONE BREAST FEEDING and I guess that means the only person the baby will relax with is mom. Being helpful and competent are core aspects of my self image, and this mindless sack of shit has robbed me of that.
I’m so fucking tired.
The fleeting moments between fussing are what people remember with nostalgia. I swear the sleep deprivation wipes memories.
Being in the trenches with diapers and no sleep is what people try to forget. Frankly, fighting the kid to keep it off the nipple is a losing battle. Sleep training has mixed reviews and in some areas is considered abusive. Infants do pick up on stress. You’ll need to accept that for this stage in life, you don’t have the functioning equipment necessary to be useful for this aspect of your partner’s life. Your helpfulness can be doing all the stuff that needs to be done in order to let your partner’s sleep schedule follow the infant. Some kids don’t take to bottles, some do, some need time.
Try, as much as possible, to allow yourself to spend positive time with both kids. It gets better, but the challenges change.
Regarding sleep training, my wife researched it exhaustively, and i think the earliest we’d try it is four months, but we’re more than willing to stop and try again if it fails the first try
We’ve also put immense effort into coming up with activities and one on one time with the toddler so there isn’t any resentment built
As for the selective amnesia, people remember the hilarity when the baby shits in their partners lap or makes a funny face or whatever. But that’s like .01% of the time