So I’m gearing up to once again start something and I’ve got an idea in my head. But once I put it down into something concise it either becomes bloaty or dry. I mean just the parts below are almost a google docs page, pretty much 2000 characters. And that is even when I removed 2/3 of the situation text as it was rather big picture information. Explicitly writing down the campaign style was something I took Colville’s recent game design video, trying it out.
What I really would love feedback on is mainly Situation. Enough/too little information? Is it confusing? Does the information fit with the Campaign Style? And also is Campaign Style something fitting in a campaign ad/synopsis?
Situation
You all are part of the third imperially sponsored caravan into the Aablu, the hot and arid lands east of the Pearl Cities. The first caravan went out eight months ago and was expected to have returned two months ago. Second left four months ago with another destination. Yours have the same destination as the first with the additional task of bringing back news of the first.
Information about Aablu is scarce and unreliable, mostly because traders and inhabitants in the Pearl Cities don’t venture into it and its local people consider themselves under no obligation to divulge information. There are of course tidbits of information: old travellers’ journals, hearsay and sales-talk. You are not headed blind into the Aablu, only mostly.
The caravan itself is the size of a small village, with competent people of various professions who are there for their own reasons. Some want to strike it rich, some are running from something, some are there for the glory and some just want a bit of adventure. Your characters are also competent individuals, filling a role in the caravan and have ambition to make something extra of themselves.
Campaign style
Adventurous daring sword and sorcery.
Adventurous - The very nature of the caravan is an adventure and on it are those with an adventurous spirit. When it calls, your characters are those who step up, those who have a bit extra drive to see what is on the other side of the hill.
Daring - Rewarded are those who boldly go where no one has gone before. Daring plans are to be rewarded and there is always a chance to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
Sword and Sorcery (from Wikipedia) - A subgenre of fantasy characterized by sword-wielding heroes engaged in exciting and violent adventures. Elements of romance, magic, and the supernatural are also often present. Unlike works of high fantasy, the tales, though dramatic, focus on personal battles rather than world-endangering matters.
Updated Situation and added Game Information after suggestions in comments. Tagging in @Flushmaster@ttrpg.network @funkyb@lemmy.world @Khrux@ttrpg.network (does this work?) @tissek@sopuli.xyz (testing testing)
Campaign Information
Name: A Game of Caravan
When: DAY/TIME for 3-4 hours
System: Is being meditated on (Ironsworn most likely but both Mythras and Conan 2d20 are seriously considered. Swords of the Serpentine and Genesys wildcards)
Form: Episodic adventures within the larger narrative of the caravan’s fate. Decent media examples being Xena: Warrior Princess, Star Trek: Voyager and the Conan stories published in Weird Tales
Situation
The Pearl Cities and its trade is finally under imperial control, its ships leave for imperial ports and exchanges are made in the imperial silver stamps. However the decentralised nature of the trade network going into the Pearl Cities from beyond the Aablu vexes the imperial bureaucracy. With nothing but sand to seize the empire is forced to establish their own presence, their own routes and their own contacts.
Added this bit to give a bit more on the why. Does it make sense?
You are all part of the third imperially sponsored caravan into the Aablu. The first one, which had the same destination as you have, is late but not too terribly so. Second, with a different destination, isn’t expected to return yet and hasn’t done so. As the caravan is also to be a mobile embassy it is large, almost the size of a small village.
First and third paragraph condensed into one. Think there was some information not too important for the ad. But did I remove too much?
Information about Aablu is scarce and unreliable, mostly because traders and inhabitants in the Pearl Cities don’t venture into it and its local people consider themselves under no obligation to divulge information. There are of course tidbits of information: old travellers’ journals, hearsay and sales-talk. You are not headed blind into the Aablu, only mostly.
Unchanged
Removed last paragraph about the size and composition of the van, some details made it into paragraph 2.
Campaign Style
Unchanged