I thought this was a pretty good article that further emphasizes how much of a spectrum sexuality is, and how there is no one size fits all when it comes to sex.

  • borf@lemmynsfw.com
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    9 months ago

    It’s a really good article with a really important message, but I can’t help but feel that it leaves some questions unanswered. I’m glad she found something that works for her relationship, but what is to be done about high-libido partners?

    • khrol@lemmynsfw.comOPM
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      9 months ago

      Thats a good point, its definitely a beneficial message to spread to individuals who might be grappling with their sex drive, but it really doesn’t address the issues that arise with mismatched libidos in a relationship.

      Personally what I’ve found helpful as someone with a higher libido than my wife is that I let her be the initiator for anytime we will have sex together, otherwise I’ll masturbate. It took a bit of a shift in my thinking as for most of my sexually active life masturbation had been 1. Find porn, 2. jerk off until I cum, 3. continue on with my day, however I’ve found that its much more meaningful to treat it more like when I have sex with a partner. By focusing more on me, and what feels good to me, and not just trying to get through it to the orgasm has made it a much better way for me to bridge the times between having sex with my wife. This has lead to me feeling better fulfilled, and she doesnt feel pressured to have sex when she doesnt want to since I’m not going crazy between the times we fuck. Obviously this may not work for everyone but I’ve certainly found that its helped both of us.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
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    8 months ago

    I tend to believe that more sex is a positive factor in intimate relationships, and happily now have a partner who matches me in sex drive. We compromise up, rather than down and it works for us.

    But sure, there is certainly no rule saying one must be sexual, and there is no reason to judge, it’s a private activity. Also nobody owes anyone sex, and we are each responsible for our own pleasure, but choose carefully your partner if you don’t want it ever, or want it rarely.

  • Wandering Hannigan@mastodon.social
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    8 months ago

    @khrol If you have someone with a mismatched Libido. I mean, one wants a lot and the other almost none. Are we expecting the high libido person to just suffer without. I have this problem and it is a major source of heart break for me.

    • khrol@lemmynsfw.comOPM
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      8 months ago

      I think its a frank discussion that would need to be had between you and your partner, sexual frustration is definitely, well, frustrating and can lead to resentment and other negative emotions that no one wants in a relationship. And while it may not be fair to you that you have a high sex drive and you just have to sit there with this person are attracted to and love, its also not fair to pressure them into sex when they dont want it.

      Ultimately, it comes down to whether being with that person is worth the lack of sex. Its a hard question to ask yourself but if sex is an important part of the relationship to you, then as much as you love a person they might not be the best partner for you