Marxist analysis has made me realize my worth as a human, and I truly want to work for the revolution, and be a part. I want to liberate myself and everyone else, from oppression of the working class. But why bother. Just because it has helped me understand my value, doesn’t make me any less depressed. I’m just so alienated. I’m moving to UK this Sept. for masters. Permanently away from my country. I don’t want to settle in UK because of the queerphobia that’s rampant there rn, but isn’t it cowardly of me? To go for a place that is both safe for me and also a place where change is viable. I’ve seen comrades say its best to join an organization and make efforts in your home country itself but I’m moving out because I can’t get the education and job I want from the country I’m in rn, and I can’t see myself and the people I love being safe in UK too.

It is all so nihilistic. I fall prey to cynicism. I’m alienated. I see no hope. What if there is no point. What if bigotry will eventually rise up and take over, no matter what I do. I want to see myself belonging. And doing something for the sake of change and peace. My attention span is low too. I fail opening a resource I genuinely want to read and study. I just watch youtube. I just watch something else. I keep trying and trying, but I can’t seem to find common ground between two entirely different worlds I see in the future.

I still survive. I still live. Being queer. Being mentally ill. Being inherently against the oppressive system. I continue to fight. I’ll continue being kind. Making the environment around me peaceful for those I love, and for anyone wanting love. I can’t give up.

I don’t know what’s the point of posting this. I hope everyone is doing well. Take care of yourself. Be kind. Keep fighting the war, both inside and out.

  • Nocturne Dragonite@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    9·
    1 year ago

    I totally feel you.

    There are certain times when I’m alone and the weight of everything I know is just so much to bear, especially regarding the future.

    Climate change is going to continue making these extreme weather situations more common, more infrastructure is going to be destroyed because in the US they can’t even bother to make things work, nevermind the fact that’s all by design and the bourgeoisie are planning for a societal collapse…

    I don’t even know what I can do about it. I’m not in a position where I can join a party or organize people because I don’t work due to my mental illnesses.

    I will say though, it’s not cowardly to run away. You have to do what you can to survive, and if you honestly believe that leaving is the only option then do so.

    And one last thing, us surviving under capitalism like this and defying the system that wants to see us broken and give up, is an act of revolution.

    Take care yourself, comrade.