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The original was posted on /r/bdsm by /u/iggybonbon on 2024-02-07 01:37:55.
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for just over four years now.
Honestly, our sex I’d really vanilla. Like so vanilla I don’t have fun. I ask him to be rough or flat out tell him, “I want you to be rough with me.” But that’s about it. After I tell him that I honestly don’t feel a difference. I bought us some rope and he only used it once.
Maybe I need to be more specific? How do I bring this up without making him feel like he’s bad in bed? Admittedly, I don’t feel confident starting this conversation with him either because the few times I asked him to be rougher nothing really changed.
I saw some posts in here where some girls told their boyfriends that they didn’t mind if they fucked them in their sleep. Should I start off with this? See if he does it then talk about more later on?
Should I tell him he can fuck me in my sleep and if he agrees should I continue with, “You can slap me harder too, or choke me, or pull my hair, etc.” or should I just wait and see if he actually tries to fuck me in my sleep first?
I really really really just want him to dominate the fuck out of me but I have no idea how to get this since it’s been 4 tears of vanilla sex that I always initiate.
Should I ask him what his fantasies are? I’ve tried that before but he just shrugs and says he has none??
Should I suggest we take a kink or bdsm test together then discuss in more detail?
Sadly I predict it is going to be many more tears of vanilla sex for you if you don’t find somebody who can give you what you need. Some people just aren’t into it. So you may eventually need to decide whether to give up your kinky desires or him.