• metallic_z3r0@infosec.pub
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    9 months ago

    Reminds me of Tom Lehrer’s Lobochevsky, with the lyrics:

    Who made me the genius I am today

    The mathematician that others all quote

    Who’s the professor that made me that way?

    The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat

    One man deserves the credit

    One man deserves the blame

    And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name

    Ha!

    Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach—

    I am never forget the day

    I first meet the great Lobachevsky

    In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics:

    Plagiarize

    Plagiarize

    Let no one else’s work evade your eyes

    Remember why the good Lord made your eyes

    So don’t shade your eyes

    But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize

    Only be sure always to call it please ‘research’

    And ever since I meet this man

    My life is not the same

    And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name

    Ha!

    Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach—

    I am never forget the day

    I am given first original paper to write

    It was on analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifold, Bozhe moi!

    This I know from nothing

    What I’m going to do

    I think of great Lobachevsky and get idea - ha-ha-a!

    I have a friend in Minsk

    Who has a friend in Pinsk

    Whose friend in Omsk

    Has friend in Tomsk

    With friend in Akmolinsk

    His friend in Alexandrovsk

    Has friend in Petropavlovsk

    Whose friend somehow is solving now

    The problem in Dnepropetrovsk

    And when his work is done

    Ha-ha! - begins the fun

    From Dnepropetrovsk to Petropavlovsk

    By way of Iliysk and Novorossiysk

    To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk

    To Tomsk to Omsk to Pinsk to Minsk

    To me the news will run

    Yes, to me the news will run!

    And then I write

    By morning, night

    And afternoon

    And pretty soon

    My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed

    When he finds out I publish first!

    And who made me a big success

    And brought me wealth and fame?

    Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name

    Ha! Nicolai Ivanovich Lobach—

    I am never forget the day

    My first book is published

    Every chapter I stole from somewhere else

    Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory

    This book was sensational!

    Pravda - well, Pravda - Pravda said: (Russian double-talk)

    It stinks

    But Izvestia! Izvestia said: (Russian double-talk)

    It stinks

    Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva buys movie rights for six million rubles

    Changing title to The Eternal Triangle

    With Brigitte Bardot playing part of hypotenuse

    And who deserves the credit?

    And who deserves the blame?

    Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name

    Ha!