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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Koala_T_User on 2023-08-01 11:10:40+00:00.
Never posted about anything like this but, why not. Had probably the best first date of my life a few weeks ago, and all signs pointed to the feeling being mutual (30M 32F). We had a ton of mutual interests, she kept complimenting me and I her, and the conversation didn’t die for hours.
I thought for sure I had met my next partner and was pretty excited about every single detail, but the next day I reached out and I couldn’t help but notice there was a little more distance. I tried (probably too hard) to make plans over the next week but nothing seemed to workout, and finally last night the truth came out.
She validated everything about the date being as good as I thought it was, but she had asked a lot of questions about my past. I’m in recovery from alcoholism and although I’ve been clean for years now, she said it was a dealbreaker. She added in if I was still willing to be friends we should, and I ended up taking her up on that after a pretty lengthy conversation where she emphasized nothing further would come from being friends.
(FWIW context: I have a good career, am fit, take care of myself etc etc. really try and put my best foot forward in the most honest way possible)
I guess this is a classic friend zoned kind of post, but with more frustration that there actually was good chemistry that got held up by (rightful) anxiety.
What do you all think? Is this a full stop and move on situation? Is this something that can be overcome? I’m not huge on disrespecting boundaries, but I can’t help but feel this is worth trying for. Feedback appreciated thanks y’all
TLDR - 30M and 32F had a great first date but she doesn’t want to pursue anything romantic because of my history of addiction. She offered to remain friends and I said yes, but I want more and want to know if that’s possible
The subtleties of the situation is only something you will be able to perceive, but based on general experience this is usually used as a polite means of exiting the situation.
Additionally, with her emphasizing that nothing more would come from being friends, she is setting clear boundaries.
You are welcome to communicate, but she will likely keep you at arms length. I would not recommend more than 2x, one sentence texts a day until she makes the effort to communicate back more.
All advances in the relationship need to be on her terms. If you stray outside the boundaries she has set, that will be her indicator that she was “right” to not show interest in you.
Edit: yes I know this is a bot repost, but trying to add content to the channel.