I met up with my ex last week. When she broke up with me, it really broke my brain. But I was able to say to her “having a typically attractive* girlfriend opened doors for me with the beautiful middle class people I was always trying to fit in with, and when you left me those doors slammed shut.” It was nice to just voice it out after all these years and put all the weird recrimination behind.
I sorta wonder what the younger comrades feel. I grew up before the internet, in the 80s when we actually believed that everyone was going to be middle class. Back when I was a kid, every TV show and movie was about trying to get into the cool people group. Life from school to through uni through the early naughts felt like everyone was angling to get in the in-group.
I spent my 20s and 30s repeating the same cycle: meet a group of people, feel accepted, try really hard to be part of the group, then get burned from said normie group for various reasons. The older I got the harder I tried. Like guys, I GOTTA make this group work because I’m running out of time.
Now those same people are boring as fuck to me. I can barely maintain the emotional labour to listen to them. If you’re not marxist/anarchist, activist, vegan, and/or mask wearing, I can’t honestly force myself to talk to you. It does help that most of the normies outed themselves as sociopaths during COVID times. Most people who know me IRL probably think I’m cold. I make a real effort for the actual proles I meet tho.
I suspect you younger comrades probably figured it out much earlier than I did. But if you’re still searching, I hope this helps you out.
*Sorry I know that “typically attractive” can be problematic and arbitrary. In this story, I’m referring to the irrational standard enforced by the mainstream culture and media.
I felt the same way about finding a stable partner as part of attaining middle class status but, when my career goals didn’t pan out, neither did that. Now my relationship to it is a kind of love/hate feeling, where I still want to arrive at those signifiers but, keep having to remind myself they are unattainable social constructs imposed on me by society and I shouldn’t tie myself into knots over it.
As for friend groups, they never really bother with me and I never really put up the energy to bother with them. It doesn’t really bother me except at this point I realize a key to that above-mentioned middle class material success is networking. I never really developed social skills for it in school, especially given having the time for the extracurricular activities associated with middle class networking was outside our income range.
I don’t know. I guess I’ve just learned to accept being the person people aren’t interested in talking to. Though every once in a while I wish I knew people with the same niche interests as me.
I need to remind myself about this over and over. I feel like my past depression was basically 100% just me needing thigs that society told me I should have.
I swear to god, you should legit interesting. I’m sad that we only know each other online.
This!! And there’s so much faking involved. Honestly I don’t have the energy for it.
If it wasn’t for the opsec implications, it would be nice to get some IRL meetups going. People here are rad.
I agree.
I mean on the other hand, I think there is a yearning to be part of society that goes beyond just capitalist/patriarchal norms we have as part of middle class life. I think a sort of longing to be a part of a more egalitarian social group/society is the thing I still yearn for but, cannot get due to the current material/ social situation many of us face. I think many of us want to feel contented in that way by feeling like we are contributing to something positive that is bigger than anyone of us. I guess that’s the sort of “middle class” life I still idealize.
The resentment comes more towards the capitalist/patriarchal norms of the post war social compact that many people keep trying to go back to when they talk of “rebuilding the middle class.” It is impossible to replicate because it existed in a unique geopolitical context that arose for America after WWII and still required the exploitation of billions in the third world to make it work. And even then it was a temporary concession capital gave to labor and retracted it once profitability was threatened in the 70s. I resent that lie for still being sold as ideal despite all it’s contradictions.
Neither do I. I hate having to lie to all those saccharine office people when I feel my skills and education are not as good as they look on paper. So many people think I should have it all figured out just because I have an undergrad degree.
It’s odd. I’ve met several people with the same exact interests and beliefs at me. So similar it’s creepy. But ultimately, I can’t sustain a conversation for too long and they don’t seem interested enough to really put in any effort. Obviously common interest doesn’t guarantee personality compatibility, but god damn. Why bother cursing me with this false hope instead of just giving me an L.
Or you hit it off but it looks like their friend group is full and you feel like a third wheel. I especially don’t like having to be the one to initiate contact all the time since it makes me look desperate.