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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Useyourdamnblinkers on 2023-08-03 15:57:32.

I (33m) have a brother (35m) who has kids of his own (9m and 13f). I should start by saying I am a trans man and have had to deal with homophobic and later transphobic family since I came out when I was 18. My sister has been the only one who was supportive. My brother was extremely homophobic. We got in an argument one time and he said he didn’t want gay people around his kids. And my mom was no help. She said they were his kids and he can raise them how he wants. I decided to just keep my distance and avoid him because they are his kids and he can do what he wants. I was still nice to his kids when I saw them but I kept my distance when I could. Years pass and that was the relationship between us. I eventually decided to have a kid of my own through a donor. I did it on my own but had so much support through my friends and coworkers. Found a trans friendly doctor, my coworkers threw me a baby shower, found a trans friendly doula, and everything went so smoothly. After the baby was born, my mom told me that my brother wanted to see his new nephew (he had been blocked on my phone for years). I told her that I didn’t want homophobic or transphobic people around my son. She said that he should have a relationship with his nephew and that there wasn’t anything he could do to show homophobia around a baby. I reminded her that she allowed him to be homophobic and raise his kids that way and that I should be able to shield my son from that sort of thinking and do the same thing he did. I told her they would not have a relationship and that he could not be around the baby without me there. She thinks I’m being ridiculous and I’m wondering if I’m the ass hole in this situation.