good ideas from comrades RE particular job opportunities, but i’d just like to broaden the scope of advice: you’re facing a thorny problem that requires a holistic solution. if it were as easy as going down to the temp agency, or the union hall, you’d have done it by now. the fact is, you’ve made it this far on this path, because you’ve become incredible at avoiding and protecting yourself from psychic distress. but any move from here will be highly distressing; you need to build up the capacity to endure this.
you need to see a therapist. if you make excuses here, you’re frankly not ready to be serious (i have every confidence you can dig yourself out of this hole, but have little confidence you can do so without seeing someone). you need someone whom you can develop a relationship with; whom you can confide your pain and anxiety; who can help keep you accountable; who can teach you how to show yourself/your past self grace; who can provide you w/ healthy techniques for dealing with psychic pain /anxiety when it arises; who can put you in contact with a prescriber in case you’d benefit from pharmacological intervention.
walking is good. add more intense cardio or weight lifting: this will alleviate psychic pain; make you stronger; give you more confidence; provide a template by which you can see yourself struggle and then arrive at progress and improvement, which you can take into other facets of your life.
take some classes, online, or better, at a local community college, that are related to your interests and past education. this will strengthen these skills, which have atrophied, and will put you in contact with people related to your field and interest. and, importantly, it will give you something to say – if you’re not working or learning, every interaction is a potential site of humiliation, as you may be asked, what do you? but if you’re taking classes, you will be able to say that you are, and you can talk about your interests in those areas.
volunteer and/or take a low-commitment part time job. volunteering is as good as everyone has described it; you will feel useful and good. and a part time shit job is just fine – it’s part time, it’s not the totality of your identity-- and there’s a dignity in working and getting a paycheck, even for doing shit.
frankly, i really like the idea of going out for agricultural /seasonal work. it will get you out of the fucking house and get you some fresh air, you’ll meet people, and costs will be low, you can bring interesting books for the evening and will have the opportunity to see and develop different aspects of yourself.
journal, or do mindful practices, or meditate. too much scrolling, too many screens, you need to practice sitting only with yourself, if only starting at a little a day.
as you engage in the above, you can develop goals /ambitions, about what larger projects you want to pursue. you surely have a lot to give, but you need to put yourself in a position where you can give it. rooting for you bro.
~~
I’ll still be miserable with a job, just a different kind of miserable
there’s truth in this, as when Morrissey sings, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now. and yet, i can assure you, as someone who once felt very much like you do now, you’ll feel so much better and stronger on the other side.
thanks for taking the time to write all this out, I very much appreciate you for caring and it’s all good advice
community college is something I definitely plan to do - specifically IRL classes because I need to regularly be around people who are not my immediate family members. I love learning but most of the learning I’ve done in the past decade has been solitary. this might be a good next step because I genuinely want to do it
I actually was lifting weights for a while until late last year when I stopped because of a stupid health problem which is still kinda recurring but I think I can get back to it, might have to start slow and focus mostly on form and proper breathing techniques. cardio for sure, my weight is good but my stamina is shit and I could use those endorphins
therapy - that’s the most difficult truth here but you’re right
I have read every single comment in this thread and this guy definitely makes the most sense. Therapy should be the highest priority, everything else will follow.
sure thing. people love to help people who are trying to help themselves.
therapy - that’s the most difficult truth here but you’re right
yes. honestly, this should be the next step. there are many things that can go wrong with the community college classes – classes won’t start for a while: you might get ill, your car may break down, the class may be cancelled, it may be too expensive, etc etc. it feels nice to intend to start taking classes, as this gives you a plan and a horizon, but, in the meantime, it would behoove you to start with a therapist. i would make it a goal for this week to find one (i assume if you’re in the states you qualify for medicaid, which will cover costs) and set up an intake appointment for next week. this could be agonizing, but after you set up the appointment, you will feel a rush of relief.
again, i’ve been in similar shoes; feel free to contact to me if that would be helpful.
good ideas from comrades RE particular job opportunities, but i’d just like to broaden the scope of advice: you’re facing a thorny problem that requires a holistic solution. if it were as easy as going down to the temp agency, or the union hall, you’d have done it by now. the fact is, you’ve made it this far on this path, because you’ve become incredible at avoiding and protecting yourself from psychic distress. but any move from here will be highly distressing; you need to build up the capacity to endure this.
you need to see a therapist. if you make excuses here, you’re frankly not ready to be serious (i have every confidence you can dig yourself out of this hole, but have little confidence you can do so without seeing someone). you need someone whom you can develop a relationship with; whom you can confide your pain and anxiety; who can help keep you accountable; who can teach you how to show yourself/your past self grace; who can provide you w/ healthy techniques for dealing with psychic pain /anxiety when it arises; who can put you in contact with a prescriber in case you’d benefit from pharmacological intervention.
walking is good. add more intense cardio or weight lifting: this will alleviate psychic pain; make you stronger; give you more confidence; provide a template by which you can see yourself struggle and then arrive at progress and improvement, which you can take into other facets of your life.
take some classes, online, or better, at a local community college, that are related to your interests and past education. this will strengthen these skills, which have atrophied, and will put you in contact with people related to your field and interest. and, importantly, it will give you something to say – if you’re not working or learning, every interaction is a potential site of humiliation, as you may be asked, what do you? but if you’re taking classes, you will be able to say that you are, and you can talk about your interests in those areas.
volunteer and/or take a low-commitment part time job. volunteering is as good as everyone has described it; you will feel useful and good. and a part time shit job is just fine – it’s part time, it’s not the totality of your identity-- and there’s a dignity in working and getting a paycheck, even for doing shit.
frankly, i really like the idea of going out for agricultural /seasonal work. it will get you out of the fucking house and get you some fresh air, you’ll meet people, and costs will be low, you can bring interesting books for the evening and will have the opportunity to see and develop different aspects of yourself.
journal, or do mindful practices, or meditate. too much scrolling, too many screens, you need to practice sitting only with yourself, if only starting at a little a day.
as you engage in the above, you can develop goals /ambitions, about what larger projects you want to pursue. you surely have a lot to give, but you need to put yourself in a position where you can give it. rooting for you bro.
~~
there’s truth in this, as when Morrissey sings, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I’m miserable now. and yet, i can assure you, as someone who once felt very much like you do now, you’ll feel so much better and stronger on the other side.
thanks for taking the time to write all this out, I very much appreciate you for caring and it’s all good advice
community college is something I definitely plan to do - specifically IRL classes because I need to regularly be around people who are not my immediate family members. I love learning but most of the learning I’ve done in the past decade has been solitary. this might be a good next step because I genuinely want to do it
I actually was lifting weights for a while until late last year when I stopped because of a stupid health problem which is still kinda recurring but I think I can get back to it, might have to start slow and focus mostly on form and proper breathing techniques. cardio for sure, my weight is good but my stamina is shit and I could use those endorphins
therapy - that’s the most difficult truth here but you’re right
I have read every single comment in this thread and this guy definitely makes the most sense. Therapy should be the highest priority, everything else will follow.
thank you. i wish more people would recognize that my comments are frequently the most sensible, and the funniest.
sure thing. people love to help people who are trying to help themselves.
yes. honestly, this should be the next step. there are many things that can go wrong with the community college classes – classes won’t start for a while: you might get ill, your car may break down, the class may be cancelled, it may be too expensive, etc etc. it feels nice to intend to start taking classes, as this gives you a plan and a horizon, but, in the meantime, it would behoove you to start with a therapist. i would make it a goal for this week to find one (i assume if you’re in the states you qualify for medicaid, which will cover costs) and set up an intake appointment for next week. this could be agonizing, but after you set up the appointment, you will feel a rush of relief.
again, i’ve been in similar shoes; feel free to contact to me if that would be helpful.