Now that I’m in my thirties, I can answer this. Two things come to mind.
First, really should have just done college after high school. I really wasn’t looking forward to more school after graduation and wasted about 5 years before going back for my CS degree. I’m in a good place now, but could have had a 5 year head start on life if I’d just gone straight in.
Second, please take better care of your health while you have it. I was skinny as a rail in my early 20s and sort of took that for granted. I’m not obese or anything right now, but as you get older keeping in shape takes conscious upkeep. Get in the habit now and it’ll be easier to maintain later. It’s harder to lose the weight once you have it rather than keep it off.
great answer. im currently doing what you were doing all those years ago, procrastinating more school, so you and the other person’s response about getting a degree sooner rather than later are resonating with me. if only i knew what to get a degree in 😭 and great advice about health, especially dental hygiene
My advice for picking a degree: pick something that you want to do, but also something marketable. The degree is useless if you can’t get a job in it.
If you’re worried about college being difficult, it can be, but 95% of your success is going to be based on motivation. I was a TA in college, and the best students were the ones that asked questions, came to office hours, and participated. I saw many a “smart kid” bomb a test due to overconfidence.
If you’re not sure what to do, you can start with general education credits or even do the first part of your degree at a community college to save money. A lot of times a 2 year associates degree will serve as the first 2 years of a bachelor’s.
this has been an eternal struggle for me as someone with ADHD. i cycle through hobbies weekly to monthly, i never stick to one thing. one month something can mean everything to me, and the next, i never want to touch it again. this is what makes it hard to pick a career to do for life, i don’t actually know what i like. it’s like i like everything, but actually nothing. i decided i need to just buckle down and pick something i can stand to do for life, considering IT. i think if i work hard and try to stay motivated and disciplined, i can make it through like you said. i def plan on doing community college for the first 2 years.
For IT you could do Computer Science, Information Technology, Computer Engineering, etc. There’s a whole lot of angles you could come at it from too. Would you want to maintain systems or develop them?
If databases interest you, you could be a DBA. If networking interests you, a network engineer. If you want to do development, you can focus on front-end development, back-end development, full-stack, embedded systems, and more. Maybe hardware interests you, so you’d like to be a computer engineer. Computers/IT has a lot of components to it, and even if you find yourself a person that likes to bounce between different things, there’s a lot here that you can bounce between. School will have you touch a little bit of everything, and you can find that part you want to specialize in.
Community college is a great place to start, allows you to get your toes wet without too high stakes. Speaking as a software engineer, don’t worry to much about the adhd stuff, there are a lot of us in the tech field (being able multi-task well and hyperfocus on something we are somewhat interested in are actually pretty valuable in his field). I’d probably advocate for making sure you adhere to a strict schedule for a bit when first starting out, makes it easier to not burnout on school long term (it’s hard I know, but once you establish those little habits school stays more managable).
Something in IT is great, I think, and will be applicable to such a variety of fields and allow you to pivot in your career. Once you’re progressing in your career, well, I’ve seen or heard of people making surprising shifts. So much learning for various jobs is really institutional anyways and will happen on the job. Just make sure you learn to well, learn. Always be playing with and learning new tools and processes and be adaptable. For instance, you could start out a developer and find out you like managing projects on your team and finding ways to make things more efficient and wind up a project manager who also understands what your team is talking about and working on.
As others have stated here, CS might be a good fit for you. I don’t have ADHD, but I’m neurodivergent, above average intelligence, and easily bored. I also know that, for me, work is absolutely shit. CS has allowed me to have an endless array of related skills to veer off into side quests, projects, whatever you want to call them. It keeps me from stagnating and the pay can be enough motivation to show up.
i considered CS but went with IT for a less math-heavy focus, i am absolutely shit and way below average at math
It’s tricky. Depending on what direction you take, CS can be very math heavy or not. If you get into algorithmic stuff, deep learning, data analysis, etc., that has a lot of math. But if you focus on, for example, front end development, there’s not that much.
I won’t lie and say CS has no math. At my university, you were able to avoid higher level calculus by doing a bachelor’s of arts instead of a bachelor’s of science. Calculus 2 is usually the highest level you have to take, which focuses primarily on integration. I was kinda in your boat of being hesitant to do CS because of the math, but I ended up minoring in it. The CS-focused math is mostly logic stuff and discrete math, which I feel is way easier than calculus. And honestly, calculus isn’t nearly as bad as its reputation would have you think (until Vector Calculus, that almost broke me).
Look into it, but I’ll say that while the math is there, it’s not as bad as you’re probably thinking. And if you know you’re not going into heavy algorithmic stuff, see if there’s a path that avoids most of it. And once you’re out of school, you’ll never touch calculus again (unless you do a lot of physics, maybe? Game dev, perhaps?)
Heh, I relate to this a lot. Went for CS a decade ago and bombed out because I couldn’t grok calculous. Now I’m working as a systems administrator and making 6 figures a year at an MSP. One thing I will absolutely recommend is if you go into IT, is to make sure you know how to use native platform scripting (bash/powershell) and work on keeping up with it as well. It will open all sorts of doors for you.
Knowing powershell as well as I do 1) is a decent part of how I got the job (pitched myself as being able to automate parts of their build processes) and 2) quickly made me indispensable for my team and within a year of starting I was already promoted to a senior administrator.
i wanted to do CS too, but the program didn’t interest me at all, i just like coding, the course was all theory and physics, plus yea the fucking math lol. i am enrolling in school Monday in a Computer Networking Tech program, hopefully to get an Associate of Applied Science degree in 2 years, then go into IT right after. i have dabbled in powershell a teeeennny tiny bit, like 10 lines of script max lol, it seems fun! your reply has inspired me to really start learning Powershell. its in the CNT program as well, so i will be extra prepared.
anything else i should know? i am kinda worried about 1. being a woman (a WOC at that) and not getting hired due to that and 2. being too dumb/feeling like an imposter. do you think being a woman in IT will affect my chances of getting hired and rising the ranks?
Honestly, any place that won’t hire you for being a WOC is a place that you wouldn’t want to work for anyway. As for being a woman in IT, don’t think about the people who would look down on you for your gender and focus on being the best tech you can be. I’ve worked with numerous POC and women, and outside of noting race/gender at the beginning of an interaction, people worth their salt don’t give a shit about that as long as you can pull your weight and get the job done.
Regarding powershell, look into the book “learn powershell in a month of lunches” or something like that. Will give you a good base to build off of. Then from there, find excuses to shoehorn it into stuff you’re doing at home, as that’s the best way imo to really learn a language. For example, one of the big projects I wrote was a massive powershell script to scan my media intake folders and automatically convert files to the standard settings I use for my library.
For your last point, I can’t really give you any meaningful advice because even after my time in the industry and the praise I get from my management and peers I still struggle with feeling like I’m too dumb to figure something out or I’m just pretending to be good at my job. Imposter syndrome is just something you get used to after a while.
any place that won’t hire you for being a WOC is a place that you wouldn’t want to work for anyway
very true, guess im just worried about simply not getting hired at most places i apply to, but ill cross that bridge when i get to it
look into the book “learn powershell in a month of lunches”
thanks for the rec! currently looking into this and eager to learn :D
find excuses to shoehorn it into stuff you’re doing at home
this is me while learning javascript. any time any little thing inconveniences me, i make a script for it and solve the issue. it’s sooo fun.
Imposter syndrome is just something you get used to after a while.
understood, i think nearly everyone has this. fact of life.
another question if you don’t mind, is an associates applied science degree going to work fine for me to find jobs? im worried it’s not enough, and in 2 years i will wish i had gone for a 4 year, idk. maybe this is too broad a question but throwing it out there anyway. im attaching my program for an idea of the things i’d be learning, if it is relevant or helpful to know
its been 3 months since you left this reply, and im nearly done with my first sem in computer networking tech! im in college because of your replies, how crazy is that? anyway, i have a lot of career related questions, i’m feeling both doubt and excitement and worry and everything you can imagine about continuing on with this program. your replies were so impactful for me that i am back here 3 months later rereading them to get a better sense of direction.
feel free to say no this of course if uninterested, but would you be willing to chat on discord? you’re very insightful and intelligent and i could use some of that from someone who knows what theyre talking about lol
As much as I’d love to chat and give you more advice, I’m loathe to give out my discord publicly (been an issue in the past). It doesn’t look like I can PM you, so if you want to send me yours, that’s cool, otherwise we can chat here if you have more questions.
Oh crap you’re right. My brain loves math, but like you, my ADHD son struggles with it. IT is a great way to work in the same field without the numbers nightmare!
As someone with ADHD choosing CS as a major was the worst mistake of my life.
why is that?
A degree where moat of your classes grades are from projects you can’t panic complete the night before is incompatible with my condition, and now I have all the debt of a BS from my failed attempt with none of the potential
I was able to get in the best shape of my life in my late 30s, but it took living alone, not having enough money for food, and having four acres of property to keep up so I could sell my house.
Mowing for three hours on a small bowl of rice and beans or pasta with vegetables three times a week will melt that fat right off. But you’ll be miserable almost the entire time.
Not served in the military.
Whatever it is you’re talking about right now: not service connected
Sincerely, VA
“I don’t know anything about your problem with the military but you’re wrong to blame the military for it” yeah, checks out as a typical response - lol.
My buddy is trying to get me to go to the VA to see if they’ll pay for my CPAP machine until the recent burn pit bill which I definitely qualify for. I just really don’t want to deal with the VA.
It fucking sucks, dude, but I do think it’s worth the fight. Getting back pay for any rating you might get plus a monthly check is hard to turn down.
I don’t know much about the new bill because I was never around those pits, so I don’t have any specific information. A guy I work with just hired an advocate/consultant and he got a 100% rating. Granted, he had to pay them like $12k for their work, but it seemed worth it. Maybe try that route?
Basic dietary and lifestyle improvements, especially as they relate to snacking, are drastically easier to make when you don’t have a decade’s worth of bad habits holding you back. I wish I’d started cutting back on pops and energy drinks and chips and chocolate at 22 instead of waiting until I was 32 years old and pre-diabetic.
Also, fucking floss. It’s not bullshit, and it’s not a scam to help Big Dental sell you flavoured string. It’s a real thing you should actually do. Especially if you’re like me, still eating like a fucking teenager into your 30s.
Upvote for “not a scam to help Big Dental sell you flavoured string.”
Definitely go to college before having kids. I’d also encourage you to travel, and have fun. I’m in my 40’s now, and although I went to college and obtained my degree before having kids, that was like my singular focus. I was married by 21 and had my first baby by 23.
Obviously I’d never regret my three daughters. I just wish I’d gone mountain climbing, bungee jumping, skydiving, traveling, scuba diving the coral reefs, learned how to ride a horse and maybe become a cowboy… etc
For sure I could 100% do any and all of those things now… but that would take energy, and time off from work, and who knows the nextlevel shenanigans my now 3 teenage daughters would get up to while mom’s on a midlife -existential -fact finding mission…
Oh… yeah… listen to the flossing advice too. Dental pain can be excruciating.
I’m sure you’re probably looking for answers like “took LSD” or “partied with friends” but, from someone that did that, my answer is 100%, without question: got a fucking degree. Any kind of degree. Now, in my late 30s, I don’t have time between work and family obligations. I’ve missed out on so many better paying jobs, even ones that I was over qualified for based on experience, because I don’t have a degree.
smart answer! need to get on this, im nearly 21 :0 my big issue is i dont know what to go for
It doesn’t even need to be a degree, honestly. You could go learn a trade. There are many trades that pay much more than many white-collar desk jobs. I’d say check out your local community college, trade school, or similar to see if anything looks interesting. Contact them and request more information or even a tour if something does. Regardless of the route you take, you definitely want to learn some sort of marketable skill. Also, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a career that’s just tolerable or boring, but pays the bills. You can seek fulfillment outside of work.
As far as not knowing what to go for at 21, I just worked after graduating high school at 18, and it wasn’t until I was 23 that I decided to go back to school.
Definitely travel. It would’ve been nice to be able to get out of the states for a few weeks before I had all of the responsibilities that come with a full-time job, folks depending on me, a whole-ass flock of birds, etc etc.
My goal is now to (hopefully) travel before I’m 40 (currently 34, 35 in October). I’d like to hit up the UK (I’ve got a good friend there) and Japan (I’m a huge weeb), if possible.
My advice to the youngins out there: If you’ve got the means, definitely do a bit of travel between either highschool and college or college and a full-time job.
Can’t tell if that’s a joke but sounds awesome that you’re taking care of a whole-ass flock of birds :p
It’s actually more like three, but for one woman, that counts as a flock.
Agreed. Travel if you can when you’re young, or just make sure to not have kids or put it off a while so you can get to a more money-making part of your career and can afford it more without being tied down by children.
Absolutely agree. If I could go back in time I’d find some way to visit Asia and Africa in my 20s, maybe involving working as an ESL teacher (as many of my friends did this throughout Asia).
I was lucky enough to be an exchange student in High School in Western Europe and do some traveling in college in South America. After that, I wasn’t able to afford travel until I was in my 30s. So for anyone still in High School reading this, be sure to apply to any study abroad programs now!
I had the chance to go to Wales for a semester during college, but was too nervous. In retrospect, that would’ve been cool as shit.
We had some exchange students from their end of the program and they were all lovely folks.
Dang, you really should have. Wales is one of the few places I’ve been to in recent years that I hope to visit again. It was really lovely, as were the people. Please go if you get the chance.
I took three years of Spanish at my High School, and at 16 years old, went to Costa Rica for three weeks as a Foreign exchange student. I hosted an exchange student in my second year from Costa Rica. We become very good friends and penpals! It was the only time in my life I was outside the USA. I lived with a host family for two weeks, and the last week I stayed with the family I had hosted my second year.
Besides the obvious language immersion and attending a high school there. I also went on the planned trips. It was amazing! Went to the rain forest twice. Walking tour on 1, gondola ride along the canopy on 2nd. Saw a volcano erupt, went white water rafting in the rain forest. Both of my host families also took me to various locations that they liked too. Saw coffee fields, and beaches etc.
I also did stupid shit (I was 16yrs old so… obviously I did stupid shit). Examples are… went out to bars and clubs with my host sibling, (my passport did say I was 16, but they didn’t deny me from buying alcohol or cigarettes etc). That was fun then, but as a parent and an adult now… I realize just how dangerous it was. As a passenger in cars there… it was terrifying. They drove so Fucking fast! And there were literally livestock in the middle of the highways sometimes… and they didn’t slow down… they just steered around and beside these huge animals like it was a “frogger” game… 😬
All in all though… it was a memorial experience. And I don’t regret going.
If you’re unhappy now, in your 20s, do something about it NOW. I’m in my mid30s, and I doubled down several times on the “generic success” pathway - career, marriage, house.
I am fucking miserable. At this point, I have trouble justifying extracting myself from any of it. If I had just ripped a few bandaids off at 25, I’d be in a way different situation.
Nothing in you is core. If it isn’t serving you in a way to get what you truly want, find a new way to interact with the world. No one else will do it for you.
Invest in stocks. Get a four year degree. Purchase a shitty starter home even if you don’t like it.
why would you invest in stocks?
Compound interest. Buy into a total market index fund that will get you more or less 7% on average a year. Let’s say you have a $100 extra per month (doesn’t actually matter whatever you can afford).
Sally from age 20-30 puts her $100 in every month. At the end she has about $16000. She stops adding anything, but keeps that money invested. By 65 she has $170k.
Jeff doesn’t start investing until he’s 30, but he’s consistent and does the same thing, $100 a month from 30-65. He ends up with about $165k.
What that means is Sally made more money than Jeff even though she did the same thing for 10 years that he did for 35. She just started earlier.
While it doesn’t necessarily need to be stocks, investing early will greatly reduce your financial burden later down the road if you want to save for retirement. Check out the cost of waiting:
https://www.primerica.com/public/high-cost-of-waiting.htmlTime in the market > timing in the market every time.
I think better advice would be “invest/save” in general. You could just throw money into a mutual fund, index fund, savings account, whatever. If you get a job with an employer matched 401k, max that out. I don’t think you need to worry about trying to play the stock market by buying individual stocks. You’ll end up spending way too much time doing it for minimal gains over an index fund, and a lot of the time you’re just basically gambling on what companies you think are going to do well.
I want to piggyback on this, if you are in your 20s now, or any age really, if you are willing to do online-only banking and have a good size monthly payday deposit some online banks like Discover and Ally will offer 4% APR savings accounts, that is unheard of at places like Bank of America that were only offering us 0.1% APR on savings accounts.
If and only if you are good with money and won’t go crazy, buy everything with a decent APR rate credit card and pay it off at the end of the month. We buy gas and only gas with a credit builder card after screwing up in our 20s, it’s helped tremendously and credit scores can affect everything you do from insurance rates to job offers.
I wish I didn’t fear getting old back then. I felt old at 23, 25, and 28 and dreaded reaching my 30s. It made me feel it was too late to do things and made me settle for less way too many times.
I am in my early 30s now and no longer give a fuck. You are only as old as you think you are. I’m now trying to get started on things I wish I had done in my 20s, and hoping I reach my potential a decade from now.
I got a degree and took a lot of drugs. But I think I should have been more sensitive and treated people better. That said, I believe your twenties is truly about being a dick so you can learn why being a dick is not a good idea in Capital Letters for the rest of your life.
(I’m literally 40 today, have a wife and a son, and main concerns are getting the shopping done on time and playing digital board games)
Killed myself.
Need someone to listen?
I wish I’d gotten help for my anxiety disorder while I had access to health insurance in my early 20’s.
Had better work and fitness.
