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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway11-16pm on 2023-08-12 22:40:54+00:00.

Hi all, sorry if formatting is weird I’m writing on my phone. So for context, in my previous relationship I was cheated on with someone who my ex claimed was just a good friend who they were always there for and who came to them for advice, so I trusted them and the other person to be respectful. Now to current day, one of our mutual friends went through a breakup with her long term High School Sweetheart. She has been actively talking to my boyfriend about her problems, and withholding these problems from people in her life whom it would make more sense to tell them to (her two best friends for example). Now this isn’t exactly an issue for me as I understand she just sees him as some kind of emotional support, but it does appear a bizarre choice of support as she is not very close to him outside of this emotional setting. However, every now and again she seems to be a bit too close to him. For example when our friend group met up today she gave him a very long hug when he arrived, so much so that a few of my other friends sat down seemed to look at them strangely. I also walked in on her snuggled into his shoulder while talking about her problems (which seemed strange to me as this occurred right as I was about to leave our meetup to grab everyone some snacks from 7/11, and it felt weird that she pulled away when I walked in and chose to do that in the first place right as I was leaving) She has said outright that she isn’t attracted to him, but I’m genuinely not sure if I am being delusional in thinking that there is something more there due to my past experiences, or whether I should be setting some boundaries about what is and isn’t appropriate in terms of venting to him. I should add a few other things which make me think she is crossing some lines: she only began using my boyfriend as an emotional support after we began dating, she is very frequently texting him more than her best friends, she overshares elements of her and her ex’s relationship with my boyfriend, and she is continuing to seemingly bring up the same issues she brought up after the initial breakup (which was around 6 months ago) which makes me feel as though she is seeking extra validation. To be clear, I trust that my boyfriend loves me and would never intentionally upset me as he too has experienced cheating, however it does hurt me to know that he seems to not notice these behaviours. I also trust and love her as a friend and don’t know how to ask her how to tone it down without seeming like I’m trying to invalidate her experience. I really hope I do not come across as crazy or controlling in this post, I am in no way trying to say they shouldn’t be friends or she shouldn’t ask him for advice, but I’m unsure if bringing this up would do any good for my relationship. Should I try to set boundaries such as the physical contact and messaging? Or should I just leave it alone?

(Sorry if grammar is weird- writing this as I’m leaving Target and I am a terrible multitasker)

TL;DR : friend is potentially crossing boundaries with my boyfriend but I don’t know if I’m right in thinking so or if I am allowing my past to cause problems.