WASHINGTON—Doing her best to appear elated while a large, throbbing vein protruded from her forehead, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she was ‘really, really, really happy’ for Vice President Kamala Harris as she shook the presumptive Democratic nominee’s hand and refused to let go of it. “So, so, so proud of you for this huge accomplishment—there is no one more deserving of this than you,” said a stock-still, unblinking Clinton, who, when panicked advisors quietly asking her to release the presidential candidate’s hand, only widened her smile and clamped her fingers tighter, causing Harris’ bones to audibly crack. “Oh, don’t worry about us. We’re just two strong women having a great time. Ha ha ha. Girl power! Right, Kamala? Just think, you could become the first woman elected to the American presidency! What could possibly be better than that?” At press time, Clinton was reportedly being dragged away after pulling Harris in for a hug and attempting to snap her neck.
There’s a lot of good reasons why Clinton sucks ass, going back to her time as what amounted to a Walmart lobbyist operating within her husband’s gubernatorial administration.
But I’m afraid a lot of people are just voting on vibes. “Hilary is bad because she’s sort of weird and off-putting, after years of molding herself into Generic Democrat”.
Harris has substantially more personality, which is nice. We also haven’t spent the last twenty years basting “Hilary Death List” / “Canckles” / “Ugly Lesbian Uppity B-” 90s tier slander with her. I’m confident the GOP hate machine will ramp that up quick and bombard her with it over the next four years, regardless of whether she wins. Then more people will sour on her.