Around 2 years ago, I was with a roommate in this transitional housing program. One night, I am sleeping to get up for a really early shift, like pre-6 AM. I hear my phone ring while I’m sleeping, and it’s him complaining about some mess or something of the sort he saw in the living room. He was basically accusing me of causing it, but it turned out that this “mess” he was complaining about didn’t exist, and this was a bluff for him to get me over to the living room so that he could… do something to me.
I really wanted to back out and go to bed. I told him that I have work in the morning, and this is causing me too much stress. He proceeded to strip right in front of me, even though I made it clear to him that I’d rather not. He was seeming really demanding for us to have sex, so out of fear and under pressure, I told him, “Okay, I’ll do it with you.”
This moment was really horrific to me when it happened, and I think back to it nearly every single day, but I never have actually told anyone about it in my personal life or even online. It got too much today when I started crying just now because of it.
I’m so scared that if I’m around the wrong people, something like this could happen again. I’m trying to hold back my tears, but really pondering about what happened is so scary that I can’t.
I just needed to say something about it, even if it’s anonymously online.
I just want to say that you have my profound sympathy. Whenever I hear of suffering like that, it hits me a bit close to home since one of the closest people my life once confided in me about suffering through something similar to what you said, years after telling no one. From that I understand a bit how suffering like that can leave horrible wounds that hurt years afterwards and compound a person’s pain. All of that makes trying to find happiness in living life very difficult. I hope you are able to find ways that you feel are the best for overcome that pain. 💛