My edit of your initial insights:

Miles on average: Everything out of spec, how do I fix this?

Smith/Rock: hit it

(Shaka[…]: error) Capn: gotcha

Turkish olympics guy: Did you succeed without any specialist tools?

Raygun: No, it’s much worse

billionaire sub: Drive it into the sea.

Spongebob: X minutes later [Claim the insurance (implied from image)]

DiCaprio: Great thanks, new car works

Dune bucket: Enjoy it

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