I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).
I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.
When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.
Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.
One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.
Feels like you don’t want to be friends with them. You respond more to me than them and idk you.
I mean, I guess I do, but I’m terrible at socializing and also don’t like it
Socialization is a skill, not a gift. If you want to become strong, you have to work out at the gym, if you want to socialize, you have to interact more with people.
Very few people are bad at socializing, they’re bad at making an effort to socialize, because it’s painful at the beginning, like working out.
May be due to a traumatic experience, a pernicious or sheltered environment, even plain laziness; but we are not set in stone, we can change if we want to, and are grown ups enough to live with the consequences if we don’t.
Thank you so much. It’s probably a mix of depression and laziness then
Was this a better effort?
“how are you?”
“Listening to music.”
“what band??”
“Idk. Metallica or something”
“what song from them? i love metallica”
“Idk”
—- “what are you up to today?”
“Watching TV”
“what show?”
“Idk I can’t say”
Also, do I actually type like a 50-year-old?
you don’t type like a 50 year old, you type like someone who’s not interested in having a conversation
Of course not, if I was chatting with you I’d feel like I was bothering you.
—-
My mom and mother-in-law are in their 80s, and they’re not great texters but you can tell they’re making an effort, and that counts a lot. It’s not about caring about how well you text, but how a series of dry answers might make your friends feel like a nuisance.
You need to “groom” others to care about you so they tolerate antisocial behaviors, but not all people can be groomed this way.
this sounds far better than how OP texts
My new response as “I’M WATCHING. A MOVIE!!!” :)
My friend just asked if I was ok.
Update: I said “NOOOO.” and she blocked me??
What? So you’re ableist?
That was honestly not bad until you decided to be ableist 💔
I just think they’re socially awkward and I prefer confident people. She blocked me because she decided to “leave me alone”. I also type in all caps a lot and people think I’m mad at them??
Not really better. How do you not know what you’re doing? Did the show just randomly come on when you turned on the TV/Metallica song came up in a playlist?
No
If you don’t like socializing, you won’t have friends. Those things go hand-in-hand.
Maybe examining why you feel this way about socializing would help. Do you really not enjoy all socializing, or just certain things?
Socializing is a major part of life, you could almost say it’s “The Thing”. I’m not saying you need to go throw on a lampshade every day, just that we’re all engaging with each other every day. You may talk to a sibling for a while, then a friend, have lunch with a coworker, take a walk with someone from a class to discuss what you’re not getting.
Without socializing, we may as well go live in a cave, and that’s not good (nor realistic).
I guess I just feel more energized when I’m alone