cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47836613

Alright, I know that title is a little odd, but stick with me.

I’m reading Book Lovers, by Emily Henry, and I’ve been feeling very weird.

For one, I think it’s not very good at all! Maybe it’s because I’m an awkward guy, probably aroace and seemingly agender, and, as such, that book is, quite simply, not for me; but it might also be because it’s genuinely weird. Many of the goings-on of the plot are terribly weird, to me. Something I can kind of get over - not really… - is that they don’t want to get together because they work together. I mean, they don’t even work together that much, for starters, but even if they did… So what? My parents work together. They’ve worked together for some 20 years. Same thing with many other people. It’s not that weird. Whatever. I don’t like the book very much, so far, but I’m willing to take it to the end.

Now, here’s the real kicker: what the fuck? Is this what women like? I mean, OK, let’s not generalize. I know not every woman is the same, so of course not every woman likes the same thing. Even if we narrow it down to just straight women, it’s just not that simple. Still, this is a popular book! I think I’ve heard of this sort of… Behaviour… Being framed as sexually enticing before, too. It’s just so… Odd. I don’t know.

I guess, when I think of what would be sexually exciting, I’d have to say… I don’t know. I can’t even really think about it. I guess I like a nice smile, which admittedly is something that is mentioned in the book! I would not, however, like to be pressed into a door. That would make me feel claustrophobic, for sure. I don’t even like being in elevators with 3 other people, much less be smushed against any surface by anyone.

Also, do people like being groped? I mean, I see the appeal from the groper’s side… Maybe it’s a sort of quid pro quo situation.

Sorry, I know this is a little awkward… That book has raised a lot of questions.

Something else is that… Well, it’s written in the first person, present tense. When reading it, certain things - sensations, physiological responses… - are described and, frankly, I don’t think I should be able to feel them. It feels… Wrong. Like, anatomically? It’s so weird to think about it, even, but I guess you could say that, when I read, especially if it’s first person, I really embody the character. I experience the world through them! However, a few things there are just, they’re too much. It’s genuinely disturbing! I don’t mean this disparagingly towards the book or something - if anything, it’s a compliment to the depth of feeling that the author managed to express - but it is very hard to read, at times, and I have to take some breaks to spare my physical and mental sanity.

Also, do people really flirt with like, every other person they interact with?

Gosh, I know this is a book, it’s fiction, so the answer must be «No». Yet, I feel like there may be something to this! Maybe I’m crazy, I’m willing to admit to that, but damn it! I remember my dad once told me the girl at the para-pharmacy gave me her number. He totally thought she was flirting with me! That was one of the weirdest things my father has ever said, and he’s not exactly the most normal guy in the world.

At the time, I thought he just read the room wholly incorrectly. She gave me her number because she was offering help in case I needed something with my glasses, that I’d just gotten. My first time wearing glasses. She was being nice, and accounting for the slowness of service at the para-pharmacy. He was convinced, though; like, he genuinely thought she was hitting on me. I didn’t get that feeling at all - not even a sliver of a little bit - but still… Maybe she was. Maybe people actually just… Hit on others. They just give their numbers out! Is that not absurd?

I made a post a few days ago about how I think people are nice and trustworthy, generally speaking, so giving your number out wouldn’t really cause issues, but still, you’d have to think that maybe you would prefer to, I don’t know, talk to them first and ask about other stuff. Maybe she felt that, being that it was a professional setting, she shouldn’t. Then again, she gave me her number on a little card from the para-pharmacy, so I’m guessing not. I think my dad just had a little lapse in judgment.

However, the simple fact he thought that that might’ve been the case does at least imply that he thinks that’s something that could, conceivably, happen!

Surely… Surely fucking not, no?

Do women just see a cute guy, walk up to him, and go like “hey, what’s up, here’s my number” or come up with some excuse to give it? I’ve seen this in media, but I really never thought that it might actually be real. This book is making me feel like it is real. Again, it’s clearly exaggerated and weird, I don’t think it’s realistic, but fuck like it’s definitely something, I can tell you that. Hard to read, yes, but also something else that I find a little weird. And by a little I mean very. And by weird I mean disturbing.

Anyway, I hope I never have anyone tell me anything about being pressed into a door and groped.

I wore shorts today. It was very hot. Went to sushi with my granny and brother, which was nice. Took the bus, which was also very nice! I love public transport.