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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Last_Interaction_762 on 2023-07-02 19:57:20+00:00.
I (29F) got engaged to my boyfriend, Peter (30M) in early 2023 and our wedding is scheduled for early 2024.
Peter has a sister, Olivia, whoās 15 and was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Sheās receiving chemotherapy and as far as I know, itās not terminal.
One of Oliviaās dreams in life is to get married. Ever since Iāve known her, sheās talked about her future wedding and has planned every last detail. Since she got diagnosed, sheās become very worried that she wonāt be able to have her dream wedding because she might pass before that happens. Based on what I know about her diagnosis, sheāll likely survive and go on to live a full life, but itās a definite possibility she could die.
Peter and I are currently in the wedding planning stage, and this is also where we might be the assholes. Peterās parents approached us a few days ago and asked if we would be willing to dedicate some of our wedding time to Olivia since she might not get one of her own. According to them, Olivia wants to wear a wedding dress, invite a lot of her friends, have a say in the food/cake/decorations, and have a first dance with her boyfriend. They said itās better to do all this at me and Peterās wedding because then the family can celebrate all together.
Peter and I were shocked that they would ask this since we thought that our wedding would be about us. I know Olivia is struggling and I feel completely awful for her since no teenager should have their youth ruined by cancer, but I donāt see why we canāt have a separate party for Olivia instead of having to dedicate half our day to her. Especially since she would likely get most of the attention due to her condition. Additionally, it would cost a lot more money to have to pay for Oliviaās friends to attend the wedding (Peterās parents only offered to pay for 75% of the additional cost) and Peter and I arenāt made of money.
Peter and I told Peterās parents we would think about it, but after discussing it, we decided it would be better to say no because weād prefer our day to be about us, but weād be more than willing to pitch in funds and help plan a separate party for Olivia. But when we informed Peterās parents, they were furious. They said they couldnāt believe we were prioritizing ourselves over a child with cancer and that we were being selfish. They said this might be Oliviaās only chance for a wedding and how dare we deny her ādying wish.ā I said I didnāt understand why we couldnāt have a separate party, but Peterās parents said they wanted it to feel āauthenticā for Olivia, so it would be better to do it at an actual wedding.
When they started raising their voices, Peter and I left. But since then Peterās family has been spamming us with messages about how terrible weāre being to Olivia and how they canāt believe weāre not being considerate of her wishes.
Peter and I both frequent this sub, so we wanted to know what the Internet thinks. Are we being unreasonable here?
NTA. This is entirely unreasonable. If itās her dying whish to get married she can ask her boyfriend to marry her? This is not your issue.