I made the title sound like a joke, so feel free to laugh, but itās actually serious and very personal. The question how to deal with conservative family members comes up a lot around the holidays. My case seems like a first-world problem in comparison. I mean, we share the same opinion for almost every immediate real world political issue that comes up.
The thing is, my family dosnāt really talk about feelings or express affection verbally (like, not ever!) and itās a whole thing. But at least connecting over shared politics used to be easy and feel safe with him. It was kind of our thing and that safe space was important for us! Now it kind of doesnāt feel as safe anymore? We both feel passionate about things and discussions tend to get dragged out and emotionally exhausting. I donāt want that this year.
I love him and Iām incredibly proud of him. Heās super smart and heās doing a lot of great work in his org.
But he also:
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quotes Trotzky, which makes me cringe
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and heās sort of a tailist about being anti-parties, pro mass movements (even though he is in a party, but he wants parties to support councils and hand over power to them after revolution, Iām not sure I understand correctly).
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Opposition to āstalinist partiesā (as if any party defined itself as stalinist) is really important to him, same with bureaucracy and Iām not even sure what that even means.
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Heās says heās anti-imperialist (about NATO, Palestine, etc.), but doesnāt want to hear any good word about China or the Soviet-Union. I think our duty in the West is to counter NATO propaganda about China and fight our imperialists at home.
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And he thinks Russia is at least as much to blame for the war in Ukraine as the US, or more cause āthey send troops first and have the same imperialist interestsā. I disagreeā¦ (heās still against the military buildup in the EU though).
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He thinks China is āstate-capitalistā and every bit as imperialist as the US, because they export capital (with this, he refers to Lenins definition of imperialism, though he dosnāt like the terms āfinance capitalā or āmonopoly capitalā) and do āland grabbingā in Africa. To me, itās plain ridiculous to compare that to the US empire, but I guess heās talking about what he thinks China might become in the future?
Iām not a perfect marxist-leninist and I donāt have perfect arguments for all of those points. Or I struggle to put them into words. Now maybe the answer is easy: just connect over something else. But what, how and do I really need to avoid talking politics? It seems silly, since, being both Marxist, we agree on a lot.
It looks similar to the whole problem about splits in marxists orgs, but on an individual scale. But itās actually more. I definitely wouldnāt feel as deeply about it, if it were anyone else. He already randomly cut me nearly completely out of his live for a while, years ago, when he had a terrible depressive episode and completely retreated and I couldnāt get through to him at all. Thankfully, heās back on top with medication, therapy and a better social circle (part of what helped him is to meet cool people in his org, where he became trotzkyist). But Iām kind of still traumatized from how sudden the break was and how long it took. Also, we both probably have rejection sensitivityā¦
So maybe, I should work on connecting over other topics than politics, learn more about theory, be honest about when Iām not sure or donāt know something and try to talk feelings more.
What do you think? Anyone ever had something similar going on? Any good tips on how to talk about those political topics or on how to bridge a years old emotional gap?
Thereās a lot of admiration there for your brother and I promise I donāt mean to be insulting to anyone, but are you sure he actually develops his own conclusions or is he just parroting a lot of big words from people he finds important? If you learn more yourself youāll be able to judge better. Youāre plenty capable.
You donāt need to argue with your brother about politics if it makes you feel bad or damages your relationship that you cherish. Let him quote Trotsky all he wants, it isnāt really gonna do much harm honestly (wonāt do much good either but we all can have our fixations eh?) . Just focus on learning stuff you care about for yourself.
Also the kind of neat or depressing things, depending on how you look at is, is that everything is political! So you can just study and learn how to apply Marxist principles in practice, without explicitly announcing it.