My girlfriend and I have been together roughly 4 years. Over the past two I’ll admit I’ve been a bit complacent, i want really putting in show effort i probably showed have. Took our relationship for granted. Recently over the past year our sex life nose dived from probably once or twice a week to once a month to not at all. Granted a lot of that was caused by her depression which was exacerbated by hormonal birth control she was on. So seeking to alleviate that we took out the implant and she decided she was comfortable with getting an IUD instead and seeing if that worked. Immediately after having it put in, within a day or two, if I touched her she felt genuinely disgusted. Like a close friend was getting too handsy. She completely lost all sexual attraction to me and even hated being around me. Just looking at me or talking to me put her in a shitty mood. Within a week we took the IUD out and while there was not immediate improvement she now enjoys being around me but not be touched. I also have my reasons to believe she doesn’t love me as much as she once did and is considering a breakup.
It’s all just happening very fast. Her sister and I are working on compiling ways I could improve on our relationship. We’ve compiled date and gift ideas as well as a flowchart for how to construct a date as a surprise without giving her anxiety (what info to give her what not etc etc). I’m regularly visiting the gym mainly to blow of steam but also in hopes that I could be a bit more sexually attractive to her idk. My girlfriend and I have also talked about maybe doing couples therapy. She wants to make it work but she sometimes seems like she’s gauging how I would react if we did break up. At this point I don’t know what to do, I’m terrified of losing but I feel like everything I’m doing is way too much way too late.
Couple’s therapy. Nothing is beyond salvage if you’re both dedicated to making it work. If you try your best and it doesn’t work out then you cant “what if” yourself later. All we can do is our best. Therapists know how to target the stuff which matters. It has helped my marriage immensely, and we were pretty rocky.
Controversial opinion:
Women SUCK at expressing their emotions in a clear way. Much more than men, despite the stereotype. Men will be direct about their needs. Women will not. They’ll communicate like they would with other women: with nuance and innuendo and subtlety. It flies right over our heads. Chances are she thinks she’s been “communicating” her needs to you for a long time, and is frustrated you’re “not listening.” The therapist will help her with her communication skills. You’ll probably be surprised by the things she’s thinking and feeling, and that’s all part of the process.
Good luck!