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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Professional_Rush_24 on 2023-07-07 19:30:12+00:00.
UPDATE: AITA for not being the nicest about my not dad having cancer?
Well, he’s dead.
Sorry for the long wait for the update. To be honest, I completely forgot I made this post in the first place.
• Family fessed up to all the requests for help basically being plots to get me and him in the same room.
• He was in hospice care which I mixed up with being in the hospital in my original post.
•He started out by basically wanting a bunch of life updates from me, basic things like what college did I go to, what was my major, where was I working now, did I have a boyfriend, etc.
• He asked me if I still played soccer and I said no, not since he left me. He looked sad and said I was really good, and I agreed. I had humored him with casual talk for about ten minutes but I made it clear that I wanted answers and for the visit to be on my terms, so this was the segway into the “deep stuff”
• I told him I had questions for him and he agreed to answer them:
- Did you miss me? He looked kind of offended by that (which I thought was very audacious) and said of course he did, and I snapped back “Could have fucking fooled me” and there was this awkward moment of silence but I decided to keep going.
- Why did he leave me? He talked about how he was betrayed by my mom and looking at me was a reminder that he had been tricked into raising another man’s child and then I got upset. I told him to me, I WAS his daughter. Maybe not on a DNA test but here (I pointed at my heart). He just got quiet then said “You’re not mine, Sophie”
- Why wasn’t I, as a person, more important than the results of the paternity test? Was I an easy child to abandon? He looked kind of shocked by this one too, but I wanted to know. He goes no, of course not, it has nothing to do with you, but I snapped at him to tell me the truth, that I deserved that much and he said very bluntly “Two kids are less stressful than three, Sophie, so yeah, sometimes I was relieved you weren’t around, especially as a single parent, ok? But there’s nothing you could have done to change or overcome the fact that you’re not my child. You’re one I got tricked into raising. You weren’t mine, and you still aren’t. I’m sorry, Sophie.”
This is where the list was forgotten and I just said “But you treated (stepdaughter) like yours no problem” and he said it was different. I quietly asked if she was a replacement for me and he said he wasn’t going to dignify that with a response.
I asked if he wasn’t going to apologize why did he ask me here and he just said he wanted me to know I was in his will. I said “Okay. I don’t forgive you.” He looked kind of shocked and said “What?” and I just repeated. “I don’t forgive you.” He said ok and looked really sad, and added that he would pay my student loans via the will. I told him the conclusion I had come to, that forgiveness was the kind thing to do and I wish I could have given it to him, but there was too much hurt. He said he understood and I left.
NOTE: Very condensed for character limit.
Well tbh…… yeah you were being a bit selfish. The only thing you cared about at all in that moment was yourself. I’ll tell you as a man that what happened to HIM was Fuck up and you’re lucky that he wasn’t as selfish as you and still cared about you. You’re not thinking straight. To most men legacy is a large part of why you have kids and that was taken from him the moment he found out you weren’t his biological child. And it’s even worse if he found out you aren’t his due to an affair. He has invested his time, energy, and funds into you and really when you have a child this is mostly stuff you do selflessly and the pay out of your legacy continues. In this case he was robbed of that. I understand that you’re a woman so you’re going to be an emotional thinker in most cases by nature. From a logical standpoint though this was very unfair to him. It’s also pretty obvious that he still cares about you but just like you he was hurt and protecting himself. I know this sucks, and it’s why ADULTS (your mom) should NEVER put a child in this position. The fallout always hits the kids involved ten fold and for that I’m sorry. Just know if you think you’re alone you aren’t and if you need someone to talk to to help you heal there are people like me that exist. Also always try to remember you’re responsible for how long you hurt. I’m sorry for your loss.