CW: I will discuss body dismorphia, or the (seeming) lack thereof I feel when thinking what it would be like to have been assigned the wrong gender. Also I describe sexual roles and thinking about having different anatomy.
Ok, so I’ve previously read Trans Liberation by Leslie Feinberg and I care about gender insofar as it takes to ensure all gender nonconforming people get healthcare, feel safe in public life, etc. I also will/have changed my language as much as it takes to make my trans comrades feel comfortable. With that out of the way:
I am a cis male, and I guess I am mostly okay with the body I’ve been given. I prefer to be called him, but I would only be a little annoyed if someone used she/her or they/them to describe me. If I try to imagine my body with a vagina and developing breasts in puberty with my current state of mind, I don’t feel very much discomfort. I don’t feel particularly attached to the role of penetrating another partner as a gay guy who enjoys bottoming more than topping. If I was forced to wear dresses to church growing up, I don’t imagine I would be very distressed.
I do value the relative ease of building muscle that comes with having a male hormonal profile, and I guess dealing with having a female hormonal profile could be alarming, but mostly because it’s not what I’m used to. But before puberty, I also wasn’t used to having a bunch of testosterone.
On some level, I understand that it can be traumatic to be the target of violence and hate speech, or to be denied medical care. I’m speaking from a position of relative privilege.
Does this mean I’m possibly non-binary? Or something else? I feel content to be assumed as male, but I don’t feel that strongly about it. And the title question again, does anybody else who is cisgender or otherwise just not have strong feelings about their own gender?
Have you ever tried to actively experiment with your gender expression? Because there can be a big gap between thinking about it and experiencing it. You might find that you feel more comfortable/discomfort with certain gendered expressions. Alternatively you might be right and are just agendered, which is a thing you can be too.
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Well if you enjoyed it you might try exploring those feelings. Maybe you just like doing drag or maybe you are nonbinary, maybe you are agender, you are the only one who can explore that. Alternatively don’t if you are comfortable just being you, but the fact you made this post implys some degree of questioning. Life should be a journey that better expresses yourself so that you can be a fuller person to share with others in your life. For me transitioning was just as much about changing myself for myself as building connections to people I love around me. I think that one aspect that we don’t discuss enough is the social aspects of gender.