I hope this is an okay comm for this!

So here’s the situation, I apologize because it’s kind of a mess:

I’m living in a house with my girlfriend, and her mom’s name is the one on the house we’re staying in. Until recently, she was living here with us, but after an incident we took her to the hospital and learned that she has some pretty well-developed cancer. We began with doing her treatments, but she became so weak that staying at home with us was no longer feasible, and clearly we needed help. So, 3 additional hospitalizations later, we got her into a nursing home.

At first, her stay was supposed to be temporary, but she’s only been getting weaker (likely because the nursing home isn’t providing her with the fucking physical therapy she’s STAYING THERE TO GET but that’s a whole other conversation), and her insurance stopped covering her stay after only a couple weeks. We tried to take her home, but she literally could not make it to our car - could barely even get into the wheelchair. At this point we realized she needed to stay, but we couldn’t afford it. So we had to apply for medical assistance from the state. When we did so, we were told point-blank by the nursing home’s financial advisor that we would not lose our home as long as her daughter (my girlfriend) was living there. Flashforward to now, two months and two weeks later, and that financial advisor has quit her job. We made contact with the new advisor only a couple days ago, who told us that our home is safe only as long as her mom isn’t staying there for more than 90 days (about two weeks from NOW), at which point the state considers her stay long-term, and apparently they can force her to liquidate her assets (her only assets being her house and a tiny retirement fund) in order to pay back the state for her medical bills. Her mom is no where near able to come home at this point, unless we can setup at-home care for her, which is currently looking like our only option, I guess.

Obviously this is a huge problem, since my girlfriend and I (as well as our several pets) depend on her house as a place to live. Being able to afford somewhere that all of us could stay with enough room is not very feasible - also our plan is still for her to leave the nursing home eventually, meaning if we have to sell her house, then there’s no where left for her to go afterwards… which seems preposterously cruel to me, but, y’know, amerikkka

Sorry for being long-winded, but I’m kind of desperate for advice. I asked my dad, but he’s bananas, and essentially just told me to shrug off the bills… which I’ve done in the past a little bit, but if our actual house is at stake, I don’t think that’s an actual option. Can anyone give me advice, or at least point me in the right direction to get solid advice about this situation?

  • Sphere [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    6 months ago

    My understanding is that the second financial advisor is correct. You should at least start trying to plan for the worst case scenario, and I really don’t see another option besides pulling her out of the nursing home for at least a little bit, to buy yourselves some time. Medicaid typically has a five-year lookback, so giving the house away isn’t really an option (you’re not eligible for Medicaid for 5 years after such a transaction).

    I’m very sorry to offer only bad news. I’m not an attorney, but everything I know about these rules suggests that it really is that bad, so you should be prepared to take whatever action you can to forestall losing the house.