I’ve seen it pop up in quite a few threads, sometimes in jest (or sort of in-jest), but I think it comes up enough to talk about seriously, both from an individual behaviour standpoint and a broader activism/socialism/whatever standpoint.

This is also coming from someone that sees themselves as very extroverted (but also autistic and socially anxious, so pretty poor at getting my social needs met), so maybe this whole idea is way off base.

There’s two narratives here for discussion in this thread:

  • I struggle with pushing myself to be social, and I am afraid this makes me a poor activist. At some point or another advocating for socialism will rely on socialists to talk to non-socialists in spaces and circumstances that are not comfortable.
  • Socialism, on some level, involves a society with more time and space to socialise. What will this look like for a severe introvert? Will there be room for a person to buy a plot of land in the hills and live separate from society forever? Will I have to go to Commissar DanceClass’s Dance Class?

And two sentiments that should be discussed with those narratives re: other people:

  • Introvert, socially anxious, autistic etc. There are people they get along with and comfortable social situations, but for a variety of reasons need a break regularly
  • “I just hate people”

This whole post was a thought I had when reading the second people-hater. My initial thought was that this was an internal pathologisation of people based on the society we live in. If the only people you encounter day to day are ladder climbing suburbanites whose main interests are competitively assessing lawn heights and promotions, you’re probably going to “hate people”. However, this may not be the case for all people who claim this of themselves. Maybe they hate other people on the road, people in queues for groceries etc. I just find it hard to believe that someone who genuinely hates all people would hop on to a forum (an entirely social activity) and spend any amount of time there. Nonetheless, it probably happens.

But, I figured that the topic had enough range and nuance to turn into its own thread instead of responding directly, and saw someone else post the introvert activism thing.

One of the things I thought of was the social battery and how it’s often expended on work and commuting. If your main social energy is spent at work/commuting, I feel like it’s very possible that one might come away with a dim view of any social activity (incl. organising) and your ability to participate in it, especially if you’d largely done it since school (another cutthroat highly hierarchical social setting).

(how is commuting social? You’re in a constant negotiation with other drivers to avoid bumping your 2 ton $20k machines into each other, with a wide variety of levels of aggression, empathy, engagement etc. It’s not words, but there is a communication there that can be very draining)

  • allthetimesivedied [they/them, she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Yeah, the friend who won’t talk to me, as well as my de facto best friend, say they “hate people” but really they’ve just had bad experiences with their main social milieus; one has been a heroin addict since the age of 18, the other has been a poly drug user since before I was born. The fact that they are also both neurodivergent (bipolar, autistic) probably contributes to the high degree of social failure—I know it’s been a major contributor to my high degree of social failure, moreso than my drug use (which is how I met both of them).

    My best friend actually told me recently I’m the only person he trusts. Most of my friendships end in disaster because they have come to expect the worst, and don’t expect someone to be so genuine like me; recently I had a friend I’ve known since 2019 fucking accuse me of stealing shit and kick me out in the cold, abruptly.

    And that’s why I “hate people.” Because one of three things tends to happen when I get close at all to someone: I absolutely love them and they’re emotionally distant and it blows up in my face; they absolutely love me and I’m emotionally distant and it blows up in my face; or I’m just chilling and all of the sudden this person fucking hates me.

    But I also “hate people” in the sense that…I genuinely either can’t stand interacting with or find extremely boring the vast majority of people. It fucking aggravates me when I’m told “Just make other friends” or “There’s other fish in the sea” because there fucking aren’t, and I can’t. Even my de facto best friend…I can’t really have a conversation with him. I ignore his texts a lot and tbf I should ask myself when it’s going to blow up in my face.