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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/maid-of-honor69 on 2023-07-22 06:06:42.

I (26F) have been best friends with Jane (27F) since 5th grade. We’ve always been inseparable, and I considered her my closest friend. Recently, Jane got engaged to her long-term bf, and I was thrilled for her. As her best friend, I naturally assumed I would be chosen as the MOH for her wedding.

However, when she announced her wedding party, she picked her cousin instead of me. I was (and still am!) deeply hurt and couldn’t hide my disappointment. I was shocked and devastated that she didn’t choose me as the MOH. I confronted her privately and asked her why she didn’t pick me, especially considering our history and how much I’ve supported her throughout the years. Jane told me that her cousin, who lives far away and whom she rarely sees, needed this opportunity to bond with the family. I told her that if she couldn’t see how much I deserved to be her MOH, then I didn’t want to be a part of her wedding at all. I even threatened not to attend the wedding altogether, just to get my point across. Well, this didn’t work to my favor.

She told me I was no longer a bridesmaid and could attend as a guest if I decided to end my “pity party.” This offended me, admittedly more than it should have. I said some less-than-kind things. This little tiff between us caused her to ban me from the wedding altogether.

People have been blowing up my phone calling me selfish, entitled, and a bad friend for trying to make Jane’s big day all about me and my hurt feelings. All that “true friends would [this that and the other]” I think I have a right to be upset. I’ve busted my a** as her friend, and I feel like she threw me away. She asked me to meet her on Sunday morning for breakfast and to try to talk it out. I don’t want to pretend I think I’m wrong if I wasn’t. I need some insight. So: AITA for being upset that I am not my close friend’s MOH?

EDIT: Since I’m getting grilled, maybe it’s important to clarify some things.

She went way further than I did with her comments. I made a couple low blows, but nothing compared to her telling me I wasn’t being a friend. I’ve done a lot for her, and I accepted her fiancé into our life even though he´s a giant red flag (the biggest being trying to cut her off from me so she had no one to go to), and she had the gall to tell me I wasn’t enough of a friend. I’ve put up with a lot from her.

No, I don’t hate her cousin. She’s nice enough, I think. She just isn’t MOH material. They’re not that close, she still has to be monitored after being taken off of chemo (meaning less time dedicated to the wedding), and she doesn’t live close by. I don’t want this to sound shallow, but honestly she draws a lot of attention. She’s beautiful, but she’s lost a lot of weight (kind of skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming way) and her hair is pretty clumpy. I just don’t think she deserves it more than I do.

If she wanted a family member for MOH, she should have picked one of her sisters or other cousins. Picking someone she doesn’t know that well anymore felt deliberately offensive towards me (and honestly to every other MOH candidate in her life)