This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRa_34556 on 2024-01-24 13:29:49+00:00.

My (42f) husband (44m) and I have been together for over 20 years. We have 3 small children, all under the age of 10.

About 4 months ago he confessed to me to having an affair with a close friend of his, a friend he has known for almost the same length of time he has known me. They have always been very close, seeing each other at least once per week, talking every single day. I naively saw them more as siblings than anything else. I saw her as a good person to have in his life, she had helped him through some of his dark times in his life. My husband has been clinically depressed for the past 8 years.

The affair had lasted almost two years but I suspect there was some form of emotional cheating which perhaps lasted longer. Initially, he had intended to leave but I wanted us to give our marriage a chance. He was giving up too quickly. He agreed that for the sake of our children, it was worth trying to save.

This was end of October. Since then we have been in marriage counselling, weekly sessions. We have both felt things have been going really well, we had some nice weekends all together as a family, intimacy between us has improved and we’re having more honest communications.

Since the new year, my husbands mood has shifted slightly and he seems a little withdrawn. He has been NC with his friend/affair partner since he made the decision to stay. Although, I am pleased that the communication between them has come to an end, he never blocked her/deleted her number. And recently I have noticed he has began reengaging contact with members of her family (liking and commenting on insta pictures, that sort of thing). He has never been close to her family members so this interaction between them confuses me. Why is he reconnecting with these people?

He has also always insisted that at some point he would like to reestablish some form of friendship with her again, he’s brought this up in marriage counselling and I have explained that I am not comfortable with that but he had brought it up a few times since.

I recently went through his phone and he had messaged her just last week telling her about the discussion we had during our marriage counselling, that he is still “fighting” for a relationship with her.

I understand that the no contact is such a vital part to reconciliation and I am so worried it isn’t going to work out. He says he is happy he has been given this chance to rebuild his lives with us but then his actions suggest otherwise

TL;DR My husband cheated but is not following the basic rules required for reconciliation