Yup, this site is very familiär tot me since i got a VPN

Wtf… Murica and homeschooled i guess? Cant imagine someone who has learned anything about history at any point of their life really believing that…

Recht haste, aber nach 12 Jahren den gesamten Freundeskreis von Dota überzeugen ist etwa aussichtslos. Außerdem hab ich dota immer echt nicht gefühlt wenn ichs ausprobiert hab

Exactly. Hope you are a troll, because if you really believe that… Holy shit I don’t even know where to start.

Nah you are brainwashed if you think people who are bored/unhappy are at fault themself in a system which constantly takes from the poor masses and gives to the rich few.

This

Removed by mod

Reading your replies under other comments: How fucking entitled and brainwashed are you? You are the definition of toxic “good vibes only” rich girls

Wann Lieferwagenbewachen für Linux? Ich will in die Kluft :(

You one busy boy, you post the same meme to all comunitys so it floods the timelines…

He said he felt responsible because he never reported his dad, which meant the abuse could continue. But I told him none of this was his fault, he has no blame in him being abused or Avery being abused.

We sought advice on what to do, we reported what Caleb had said to the police and to social services, both Avery and Caleb were interviewed, but we haven’t heard much back from the police about anything that might happen next. They said it could be a long process if they manage to bring any charges at all. Social services started giving us some more support.

Avery has been behaving a lot better since, he’s been listening to boundaries more. He’s actually changed a lot in the short time since I posted here last, he’s come out a bit more as a pretty charming and charismatic boy. Even though if I’m totally honest he’s still a little weird, but maybe that’s to be expected after having the life he had. I got him into Scouts and he’s made a pack of really close friends, who have even come over a few times. He’s been getting on well with school although they said he’s only on KS1 level work, but I’m sure he’ll catch up in time. And even if not, it’s not the end of the world.

TL;DR Things have gotten a lot better since my boyfriend opened up about the abuse he had been the victim of.

Relevant Comment

Commenter 1: Therapy, therapy, therapy. For both of them, but separately. If Caleb has custody of Avery, then social services should at least pay for therapy for Avery. But they both need some serious trauma-focused therapy (EMDR or similar) to begin to heal.

This is deep trauma. You’re a good human for wanting to help them. Take care of your own mental health throughout this as well, of course. Best of luck to all of you. ❤️‍🩹.

OOP: Avery is on the waiting list for CAMHS, and Caleb has been his GP but there’s no chance Caleb is going to get therapy anytime within the next 5 years though.

Editor’s note: marking this inconclusive as OOP hasn’t updated in nearly a year now

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Commenter 1: Your sister sounds toxic.

She actively is trying to tear down your family.

go no contact.

OOP: This. While I can just accept that my parents are monsters and aren’t as “unconditionally loving” as I thought they were, my sister’s betrayal is what really gets to me. We used to be best friends. Text each other everyday, travel together, tell each other everything, we can be honest with each other with 0 judgment. We used to talk shit about our own parents to each other. And then THIS happened and it honestly feels like she died because I seriously don’t know who the fuck that is anymore

I’ve been in therapy since March and while my resolve is stronger, I’m still mourning the pre-January version of her.

Commenter 2: If this has been sitting in your drafts for 6 months, you’ve made a decision by now. If you let your family decide your fate, you dont deserve your “soulmate” and hopefully he has moved on. You can just be happy with whatever marriage your parents choose for you.

Commenter 3: I forgot about that part, but it’s a good point. Has OP even talked to her ex in 6 months? Does he know what happened? Has he moved on? And is he willing to accept her toxic, controlling family and her weak, spineless nature, even if he’s still single?

Personally, I think OP’s ex dodged a bullet. Well, a whole family of them.

OOP: Nah I could never do 6 months without him. I reached out to him maybe like 3 days later. But you guys are right, I don’t deserve to keep him by my side. We’ve had that conversation many times and I’ve always told him he doesn’t deserve to deal with this but he’s willing to wait and fight this with me.

So no, he’s not my ex. We’re still in contact, getting therapy, and making plans to get out of this.

Thank you guys for the harsh words, I do need to hear them

Commenter 4: Your sister has too much power. She is vicious, tyrannical and is acting like her father. Is she married? It could be jealousy or trying to be a good “son”? Do you have a brother? Was she told as the oldest child she was supposed to be a boy and trying to make dad forget she is a girl?

OOP: She’s married with a kid, I’d say she settled. I do have brothers but her attitude screens “third parent”.

Commenter 5: What ethnicities though? That might change the perspectives in this story quite a lot. It would be good to have a semblance of context.

OOP: To avoid being very specific - Middle Eastern and East Asian. Take a wild guess of which one im from…

Commenter 6: Grow up. This is your doing. Your family does not own you or make your choices for you. You bend over for them. I’m sorry, I felt bad for you for a minute but after you let them out of this convo for years and and broke up with your man for them, you deserve for that man to leave and never come back. You never chose him. You have always chosen your family. You don’t deserve this man. Let him go and be your family’s little good girl.

OOP: I never ended up cutting off contact with him. i couldn’t do it. told him i wanna leave them and be with him, we’re just figuring out logistic with our current lack of resources, my education, and his work.

Update: September 20, 2025 (a bit over two months later)

UPDATE - My Sister Orchestrated a Family Intervention to Get me to Leave my Partner of 4 years

Hi guys,

I really do apologize for the late update

I really did not expect my post to get that many replies but but im so grateful for all the advice you guys gave me, thank you. When I wrote that first post, I was all emotional and depressed, so reading it now, even I can sense the “oh poor me” tone in it. January Me was probably expecting lots of sympathy or whatever but you guys were HARSH and tbh I needed to hear that! You guys are completely right, while what my family did was evil and wrong, my life is in my hands and it’s my fault for not stepping up for myself (and my partner) sooner. I can’t keep expecting things to be done for me.

I wanted to make this post to clarify some things and update you about what has happened since January. It may not be the most satisfying update, but I at least have changed a lot since then.

First of all, I am still in contact with my partner! I don’t blame you for assuming otherwise since that post was uploaded months later, so it was pretty confusing. When my family did the whole thing of making me block him everywhere and take my devices, and basically threatened me to not talk to him… that lasted like maybe 3 days. It was in the middle of the night, I was crying hard bc I missed him but also bc im here, alone, extremely heartbroken just wishing someone would hold me and show some sort of real care towards me and what im going through and I realized wow my family really doesn’t give a fuck about me. Like at least check up on me? When they would, it was more of a “just making sure you know your place” type of checking up. So I reached out to him and told him everything.

There was a lot of “I told you so” from him and I really do give him a lot of credit for putting up with my bullshit. My entire life, I was “trained like a monkey” (as one of the comments said) to be obedient for literally minimal reward, and I thought if I was just gentle with my approach and still did everything they wanted from me, I would get what I wanted in the end because I earned it, right? No. And this is NOT a unique experience unfortunately, this is so common with people in manyy cultures because parents for some reason believe they are entitled to make choices for their ADULT children.

My partner was understanding and helped me finally see that the environment I’m living in is toxic and abusive. And no amount of obedience and kindness is going to make them respect me. I’ve been getting therapy for months now, and [shocker] it realllyyyy helps. I would always question what I did wrong and how I can approach them differently to get different results, I would always question why my sister would betray me like that, I would always question why my father would tell me I “deserve to be hurt” - and so many other questions but I’ve let go of caring for any sort of answer now. I’ve let go of the idea that I need any approval from them, I’ve let go of ever having a civil conversation with them, I’ve let go of any expectations.

I still live with them unfortunately. I don’t talk with my dad and I don’t talk with my sister. I keep things cordial with my mom but I don’t trust confiding in her anymore because at the end of the day she feels the need to side with her husband. Her 60-year-old man-child of a husband that’s been verbally abusing her for years now and throwing tantrums anytime things don’t go his way but instead of making him aware of himself, my sister and mom just choose to give him what he wants no matter who it hurts. I still have two years of education with no income and I need this degree in my career so it wouldn’t make sense to drop out temporarily. But I’m working on trying to find something on the side to depend on, and move out as soon as I can.

To everyone saying he should leave me, I agree, any man would’ve. Good thing he’s an angel

2-3 weeks later, I woke up a lil from my numbness. I was angry. I was angry at my sister for betraying my trust, I was angry at my father for being so bigoted, I was angry at all of them for invading my privacy, I was angry at the entire situation because its not my fault THEY never gave me the support and comfort to even be honest with them. I made mistakes but I blame them for it. I cried to my mom about it and I told her y’know what idc if you guys think he’s a bad person. I would rather learn that on my own than to be forced to leave him and regret it my entire life. They treat me like a fucking kid. I told her I will always be angry at them for what they did. She urged me to talk to my dad again and tell him what I told her. She told me I should just proceed with marrying my partner against their wishes and accept any consequences. She told me she’ll be by my side.

Before I talked to my dad, I sent him a letter through text. We’re both non-confrontational people so I felt like this would be a good way to express my feelings. I apologized deeply for everything, I clarified that I never meant disrespect to him or my family members, I put anger aside for this letter because anger doesn’t work with a stubborn man like my dad. I tried to be vulnerable, I tried to tell him that all I want is their support and trust in me. My dad didn’t give an answer to that letter, but he forwarded it to my sister and she BLEW UP on me (by text) and called me a manipulator for sending that letter. Her words were so nasty, she had never made me cry as much as she did back then. My dad came to my room afterward to talk - or rather yell at me. I had never cried so much. Whoever that was in front of me wasn’t my dad. I never knew he could be so cruel. He threatened to leave my mom and tear this family apart if I chose to be with my partner.

Im broken and numb and Ive never felt so alone, I dont know what to do.

No, I stand firmly with all nations aggressively atacked. Russia is an imperialistic state clearly at fault here taking land, oppressing people and taking lives.

My point is that the meme makes it seem like NATO expansion is a narrative that’s being superimposed to the little girl Russia, who does genocide for the fun of it by someone else.

This is not the case

Its a narrative they themself push since Gorbachev. Putin doesn’t wake up and decides to convert his whole economy to war economics and invading countries for the fun of it. Its a geopolitical/imperialistic struggle for power with the west with a long history.

Yes, I think western military power DOES play a major role in Russia’s geopolitical/imperialistic strategy. The EU alone has more expenses for military then Russia annually.

I do think Russia wants to

hav[e] back as much ex-soviet territories as possible and to enlarge its political influence sphere.

That’s exactly my point. If western influence grows, Russia pushes back, no matter if ethical or not.

That’s a core part of the conflict not a narrative superimposed on russia by people defending Putin.

Because the meme makes it seme like someone is superimposing this narrative on Russia, the little girl, which infantising Russia, taking them out of responsibility and distorting history.

This is not the case.

The narrative plays a huge role in the conflict and was pushed by people way back, Gorbachev for example.

The myth of a ‘deal’ that NATO would continue to act as though Eastern Europe was under the thumb of the Warsaw Pact is just that, a myth.

I am not arguing that international law or a treaty was broken with NATO eastward extension, and I don’t argue it was was wrong.

My point is, that Russia clearly communicated they see it this way.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Controversy_regarding_NATO's_eastward_expansion

… what end of the deal was that? In this version of the myth, did Russia promise, in exchange, to not invade its neighbors?

Not that explicitly, but yes, that’s exactly the story they are telling.

Einerseits war für Gorbatschow eine Vergrößerung der NATO-Zone auf Ostblock-Staaten „inakzeptabel“.[4][5] In einem Telegramm an den französischen Präsidenten vom April 1990 schlug Gorbatschow wiederum eine paneuropäische Sicherheitsarchitektur unter Führung der NATO vor. Im Mai 1990 erwog er sogar eine Mitgliedschaft der Sowjetunion in der NATO.[6] Die Ablehnung einer NATO-Erweiterung auf die mittelosteuropäischen Staaten bzw. vor allem die Ablehnung einer von der Sowjetunion bzw. dann Russland gänzlich unabhängigen freien Bündniswahl dieser Mitgliedsstaaten des sich zum 1. Juli 1991 auflösenden Warschauer Paktes blieb eine Konstante der Außenpolitik der sowjetischen Regierung und Politik bis zum von Hardlinern und Reaktionären versuchten Moskauer Augustputsch 1991." -https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NATO-Osterweiterung

Should every country just follow Russian agenda and let them control ex east block states? No!

Does this mean it is acceptable in any way for them to start a war? No!

Is it surprising they will act exactly as they said and start a war? Also No…

You can call it a myth, that’s not they point, because even if so, it was a very powerful myth for Russian government they would act on.

My point is not, that this makes up for anything Russia does, it doesn’t, my point is that for them NATOs eastward expansion (along with EU expansion) plays a large role in searching for reasons to act imperialistic. Even if we find that wrong, and a bad reason, which I do, we can’t just pretend it isn’t a major talking point for them and make it undone by pretending it isn’t there.

The point we should be making is why this NATO westward expansion doesn’t excuse starting a war, what their imperialistic interests are that make them use this claim and what our proposed way is of handling things differently is (international law, peacefull Negotiations about security interest, possible peace guarantees, etc.)

My problem with your meme is not, that I believe Russia is right, my problem with your meme is, that it makes it seem like Russia is not using NATO westward expansion a excuse to justify their illegal war to their own population and their international partners, which it absolutely does and has been since decades.

And that Russia starts illegally and forecfully securing control with a country which is not yet in the nato and has exceptional high geopolitical value for them is not so surprising in my opinion either.

I’m not arguing installing puppet governments, invading sovergein nations, occupying their land and slaughtering their people is remotely acceptable or excusable in any way.

I’m saying if some dictators say: we don’t invade old east block states as long as you don’t expand eastwards, then we do exactly that, and they do exactly what they said the would, we can’t act all surprised picachu and act like their actions have nothing to do with ours.

We can choose this conflict, because it is just, because it is the right thing to do, because we believe in the cause of freedom from imperialistic oppression by Russia etc. But we can’t say we couldn’t see that conflict coming and our actions (while the just ones) don’t play any role in it.

Russia invaded Ukraine in 2022 after Russian president Vladimir Putin made false claims that NATO military infrastructure was being built up inside Ukraine and that Ukraine’s potential membership was a threat. Russia’s invasion prompted Finland and Sweden to apply for NATO membership in May 2022.[1] Finland joined in April 2022 and Sweden in March 2024.[2][3][4] Ukraine applied for membership in September 2022 after Russia illegally annexed the country’s southeast.[1] Two other states have informed NATO of their membership aspirations: Bosnia and Herzegovina and Georgia.[5] Kosovo also aspires to join.[6] Joining the alliance is a debated topic in several other European countries outside the alliance, including Armenia, Austria, Cyprus, Ireland, Malta, Moldova, and Serbia.[7][8] -https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enlargement_of_NATO

OOP: I am sure they were told some other story but I did tell them my side of the story when I said I would go nc with them too if they pushed the idea and I have not heard from them so I don’t know what side they’re taking if either. My sister as always been a master of twisting ppl words so I am honestly trying to talk as little about it with anyone other than my brother and reddit.

Commenter 1: What you do now will affect your family for years. I honestly recommend you at least message each family member individually or as a group, reiterating what happened and asking them how they would react. Repeat your nc threat and then see what people say. If they have any insight then they’re hopefully already questioning what they’ve been told. But you are on a hill I would die on.

OOP: Me and my brother texted the extended family my mom and Jane brought into this about the situation and they were told a watered down bs story and when they told me to reconsider it was because Jane had told them I was assuming what happend and wouldn’t let her explain. I don’t think my mom had anything to do with coming up with the lie but she definitely let them believe it. Now there is a giant back and forth going on that I am doing my best to stay out of for my own sake, but my brother is making sure my feelings get heard and that my sister can’t lie more.

Commenter 2: About the only thing I can add to what others have said is the observation you don’t mention your father. Is he alive? If so, from your silence I would guess that he is either staying out of this, or that he enables your mother & sister on a routine basis.

OOP: My dad has always been on a short leash for my mom, I have never been close with my dad and then I moved out practically on my 18th birthday bc that is what he wanted so it’s a strained relationship. He hasn’t said anything but I am not surprised with that bc we never really talk past birthday texts and holidays. I am sure he is on their side whether he thinks what they did was right or not bc he’s worse at standing up for himself than I am.

Update #2: September 18, 2025 (two days later)

AITAH for Thinking My Boyfriend of Over a Year is Cheating On Me With My Older Sister? UPDATE

I am gonna update this even though it is kinda anticlimactic, my brother was able to get my things from Ryan pretty easily but he did try to keep my key by saying he didnt know where it was (it has been in the same place since I started staying over) but he got it from him after some threats. That confirmed to me that I was right to be scared he would do something if I was alone. He tried to get my brother to pass on another apology that was basically the exact same bullshit he has said every other time so nothing new there and me and my brother finally had a good laugh at how dense he is and we really needed that.

My mom and Jane are both blocked, Ryan is not yet because I am still worried I will need to go to the cops with the texts he has sent after I told him to stay away. I explained this in a comment on my first update but I wanna say it here too, the extended family that tried to get me to talk to Jane were lied to. Jane told them I was assuming and wouldn’t let her explain herself, but me and my brother made sure they knew the truth and now everything has blown up, they are not directly defending me but I don’t expect them to I am just happy they know the truth.

Jane texted my brother to tell me her and Ryan have not talked since then and she deleted his number to get me back in her life but if that is true I think it is more because everyone except my parents see her for who she is now. Also that should have already happened if nothing was going on between them, they stayed in contact the whole week I was trying to figure out if I was crazy and that alone is disrespectful.

My brother agreed to help me snoop for more evidence at some point when we are ready but we are both going to be taking a giant step back from this whole thing for now because I do not want my brother to be suffocated with them trying to contact me through him. We are gonna ignore it all weekend as if it is not happening and just do stuff that makes us happy since it is clear we are all we’ve got. If there is more to add to this I will come back to this account and add it but as of now I have nothing more.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: If I may ask, what things are Ryan saying that you might need to get cops involved? I’m assuming the generic “ur mine even if you don’t consent” “ur not leaving/breaking up with me” and violent threats? I only ask cause that Info is just a bit out of the blue. I mean him lying about the key says all we needed to know.

OOP: I don’t think he has crossed any lines that make me want to go to the cops yet I am just keeping that option there bc I read it in a few comments warning me to do this bc of the situation. I don’t know the full extent of his texts bc I have not actually opened his contact since I silenced it just for my own mental health, but when I open the messages app I can still see some of whatever the most recent thing he sent is and it got more agressive and went from starting like can we talk, can we meet, I want to see you, to stuff like this can’t happen this way, this can’t end this way, and I need you over and over since my brother got my stuff which really creeps me out. Also just the fact that he kept texting me after I told him not to is unsettling.

Commenter 1: Yeah that’s unfortunate I’m sorry. It makes sense tho, he got to have his cake and eat it too and now that he can’t he’s panicking.

I can’t imagine why for the life of me your sister would blow up your relationship this way, even worse that your ex chose your sister of all people to cheat with. But I totally understand ex’s and shitty excuses.

My first ex cheated on me with his ex. He hooked up with her the day before he asked us to be official and his exact words were “I wanted to get the hoe out before getting serious”. Then continued to mess around with her the entirety of our relationship. The best part? He texted me for YEARS after we broke up asking to still hook up or go out while he was actively dating other women. Some men are truly scum.

OOP: My sister has always been a very selfish person but I never would have thought this would happen. The sad thing is that now because of them I am going to be wondering is he cheating or would he cheat? with everyone. I am gonna need to take some time to find out how to love and trust again bc I can’t even see how I am ever gonna be okay trusting someone like that ever again.

Commenter 2: Good update. I’m glad you’re thinking about your brother, I asked you to do that in a comment on your last update.

I think you’re wise not to block Ryan in case you need evidence of anything in the future.

Jane assuring you her and Ryan haven’t been speaking and she’s deleted his number is bollocks. You can’t trust she’s telling the truth. Even if it’s true, it’s too little too late. Tokenistic actions can’t undo her calculated and sustained betrayal.

Why don’t you expect your wider family to directly defend you now that they know the truth? They were quick enough to directly defend Jane. Poor show on their part.

No mention of your treacherous mum. Has she been silent? Kinds says it all.

OOP: I didn’t expect them to defend me bc it has always been just Jane for them, she was the golden kid and the first grandbaby on both sides. They treat my brother this way too so I just wasn’t surprised. It seems like they were more mad at her for lying than doing what she did. My mom has been more quiet on it but me and my brother have also been completely ignoring them and playing our favorite video games together so if she has said something new we have not seen it and will not see it until at least monday.

Commenter 3: Your brother is amazing!!! Don’t talk to your sister, ex or mom anymore… they knew what they were doing and there’s NO excuse. That’s it, it’s done. If you need to get a restraining order if you feel unsafe… Then so be it… you have a solution. Work towards it. You don’t need the drama in your life still when you already were just traumatized

Commenter 4: Your sister is a backstabbing cow. How could she meet up with your boyfriend and start an almost physical affair. She’s insecure and jealous of you. Your boyfriend apologising now but he should have thought about that before getting involved with her. And your mother is awful. They add no value to your life so definitely cut them off. Your brother is great. Hope you are able to move on at some point and start living life again. You’re young so you’ll be fine. Onwards and upwards.

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

Commenter 3: Dump that loser he is too old for you anyway. Go NC with your mum and sister. If they didn’t cheat they were leading up to it. Either way the trust is broken. If you can’t say anything to him get your brother to go and do it. Your brother will probably be able to sniff out what a liar him and your sister are without bias.

Update #1 September 16, 2025 (four days later)

Trying this again bc for some reason it was taken down by an auto mod the first time.

Putting this on a new aitah post because I’m not sure how ppl usually update these things. If that’s wrong plz lmk. Anyway my brother said I should update this now so here it is.

I decided to cut ties with Ryan and I have gone no contact with my sister and my mom. The day after I posted my initial aitah, I took some of you guys’ advice and I broke it off with Ryan through a careful text that said, more or less, I do not believe nothing happened between you and my sister and I won’t stay in a relationship with someone who would break my trust like that. Even if nothing happened you lied to me about seeing her, went behind my back to be with her, and hurt me all for someone you barely know, for someone I am supposed to be able to trust. I do not want you to text or call me and I do not want to see you again. My brother will be coming to get anything of mine you still have when he can.

I wanted the text to be direct and fast so he couldn’t try to twist my words but he still responded saying he only wanted to be with me, was sorry he hurt me, and that he didn’t mean to break my trust so I silenced his contact and put my phone on dnd for now but I know he has still been texting I just refuse to even look at them (some comments said not to block him fully just incase he goes too far and I need documentation so I am following that advice until I think I am in the clear).

My sister showed up at my apartment unannounced after this and I am positive he told her about my text. I talked to her outside because I wanted to see if I could get more information out of her but didn’t want her in my apartment, so while she was begging me to forgive her I said I would if she told me the truth. And I was pretty much right, she confessed that they both talked about being attracted to each other and about what they would do together if I wasn’t in the picture on those late night phone calls, the farthest it went was talking about getting a hotel room for a weekend to act on this which she claims Ryan shot down but I do not believe that. She said nothing physical ever happened and they went on those “friend dates” to live out a fantasy they were never gonna act on, which I think is bullshit. She said she was the one pushing for them to go further but he never crossed the line but I do not care.

They were leading up to cheating physically if they haven’t already and in my eyes already did cheat. They were basically sexting or having phone sex or whatever tf while I was asleep in the next room and her trying to justify that makes me feel sick. I told her I was likely not going to talk to her ever again and she went from begging to being angry and calling me a liar almost immediately so I just went back up to my apartment to avoid doing something I would regret.

I also finally listened to my mom’s voicemails and they were in fact defending Jane. I called her, told her what Jane admitted and asked if she knew. She said she didn’t know and thought they really were just friends but still thinks I am being too hard on Jane, she thinks I should be more angry at Ryan since he made the commitment to me and Jane will be my sister for life. I believe her that she didn’t know about everything but I can’t even find the words to describe how I feel about her expecting me to just forgive Jane. I also do not believe she told the full story but I have no idea how I would find out more while also avoiding them like the plague like I want to.

I have not spoken to them since but they have pretty much brought the whole family into this to try and convince me to reconsider. I could tell they were just repeating what my mom or Jane told them but I still made it clear to them that I would also be going no contact with anyone who tried to convince me to talk to them before I am ready and my brother helped back me up on this.

My brother has been very supportive in all of this and is probably all that is gonna get me through this. He plans to go to Ryan’s tomorrow to get some stuff I left there and he is actually going to be staying with me because I do have a spare key to my apartment at Ryan’s place. We are also both ready to call the cops if he tries to do so much as keep one thing from me, my brother was ready to fight him but I told him not to because I don’t want him getting in trouble for my relationship problems. Especially since I blame myself for not noticing this sooner.

Some of these comments were the harsh kick I needed to realize I needed to stop doubting myself here and that I was acting into the exact parts of myself he manipulated and maybe sought out when getting with me in the first place. Other comments were some great advice that really helped me and I really appreciate those especially.

For those of you pointing out how great my brother is, he has always been one of the best people I know and is my best friend, he really is an amazing guy to everyone not just me. Our sister has kind of always been our biggest bully so he knows how she can be and even he is surprised she went this far. He also agrees with me they might be more together than they’re saying. He never liked or trusted Ryan and didn’t like us dating because of the age gap long before I realized he is a pos and I should have considered that awhile ago, I do not understand why or how I was so blind. I showed him this post earlier today because he frequents reddit and was likely going to see it eventually, he read through the comments and I actually had to stop him from responding to some of the ruder ones he thought were uncalled for but I am even grateful for alot of the harsh comments too because they definitely made me stop second guessing myself and made me realize I was letting this man make me act like an idiot.

Before I wrap this up I also wanted to say just because a lot of the comments mentioned it, I do recognize how weird the age gap was, I know it does not make a big difference but I will be 21 in December and Ryan has only been 29 for almost 2 months now. Our relationship did not seem or feel creepy in the start, but I have only dated 2 people before Ryan and they were both the same age as me so I know I missed the signs. I never thought I would be in a relationship with that big of an age gap until it happened and I didn’t even expect it to last as long as it did in the beginning. I plan to not date for a while and just focus on getting past all the anger and everything I am still feeling and whenever I do start dating it will not be with someone that much older and I will definitely be more cautious no matter the age.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I am so so sorry. I read your first post and I could feel your pain. I feel it more deeply now.

Your brother really is fucking amazing.

Your mother really is fucking awful.

There aren’t words for how fucking awful Jane and Ryan are. Jane is far and away the biggest scumbag of the two. She was your sister.

Stick to your brother, I love that man so much! Please tell him how fucking wonderful he is.

I would never forgive your sister and your mother would have to change her tune massively before I would forgive her. As for the family flying monkeys - take control of the narrative. They’ve probably been sold a distorted version of what happened. Tell your truth and then state your boundaries and see how things fall. I bet you money it hasn’t been unnoticed what your mum and sister have always been like.

Last week was my final straw, I found out through my brother that Ryan and Jane have been regularly meeting up at bars for weeks now, even after the big fight about them calling in the night, going on what Jane calls “friend dates”, the cherry on top is that she specifically told my brother not to tell me, he told me almost immediately and I finally broke. There is no good excuse for my boyfriend to be regularly seeing my sister behind my back, so I finally confronted them. I waited at my apartment and called them both to come and the looks on their faces when they realized they were both there made my stomach churn. I didn’t mention knowing about their little dates because I wanted to see if they would dig themselves into a hole and that is exactly what they did.

They both said they barely interact off the phone and when they did it wasn’t planned it just happened. I let them say their whole spiel before simply dropping, “So you ended up at the same bar multiple weekends in a row for “friend dates” on accident?” When I used her own words I saw on her face that she knew I knew, they tried to say it was nothing weird and they both adamantly denied anything happening during those “friend dates” but I feel it in my gut that they are lying about that too since they can so easily lie to me about everything else.

Ryan said they were just hanging out as friends but once they lied to my face about them I knew they were more than friendly hangouts. I have no hard evidence of anything going on past these dates, and even if nothing physical has happened he is at least emotionally cheating on me with her, they let me feel like a crazy paranoid girlfriend, trying to make me feel like I was seeing things while manipulating me and him having the nerve to ask me to move in with him while doing this.

I have not spoken to either of them or my mom since because I can’t help but think my mom knew, what I keep thinking of that hurts most is that had Anna not told me he had a past of being a cheater I would probably be thinking he’s such a nice guy, helping and befriending my sister and they all would have let me stay in the dark. They have not stopped trying to contact me and I have gotten multiple voicemails from my mom that I am sure are defending them so I can’t even bring myself to listen to them.

I have no idea what I am supposed to do now or how to go about this, I didn’t technically break it off with Ryan and I do not know how to, I fully believe he was trying to trap me in his life by asking me to move in and now I am honestly a little scared of what else he could try to keep me around. My brother said he would gladly break it to him for me but I don’t know if that is the mature thing to do, and I keep having to beat myself up mentally for missing him. Am I jumping to conclusions like my mom thinks or does it seem like he is emotionally cheating with my own sister?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Everyone but your brother lied to you. Dump him, take a looong break from your family, but lean a bit on your brother for support. NTA.

Commenter 2: Aw honey why on earth are you with this man? He’s showing zero interest in being receptive to your concerns and in maintaining an element of trust and openness. Even if these is nothing unsavoury between him and your sister, do you really want to be with someone who sneaks behind your back and humiliates you? The one thing that’s still uncertain is whether he’s physically or emotionally involved with her - the sneaking around is factual. It doesn’t matter what they do together - what matters is that neither of them have your back, respect you, or care about maintaining a proper honest relationship with you, deflecting and belittling all your concerns. Is this the kind of dynamic you want to waste your twenties on? Cut your losses and move on.

…also, like I get that not all age gaps are inherently problematic, but the fact that he be dating someone a decade his junior AND acting like /that/ is sketchy af. just saying. high chance of him going after younger girls and telling them how mature they are because someone with less lived experience is easier to lie to, belittle and manipulate.