I don’t plan on adding that to my camping kit any time soon but it’s a recipe passed down through the ages. Got it straight from a well-known cookbook that I studied religiously through my teenage years.

Ooh, RIAA’s coming for you, they’re gonna get those four seconds back.

That’s why you add a thickener. Mix some styrofoam into the gasoline and it’ll stick better.

It’s too soon to say conclusively that they all aren’t though, additional testing is required.

A tradition proudly preserved by the Catholic church to this day.

Many people may suffer and die but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make.

I’d recommend asking her first, could be assault or battery (depending on the state) if you just walk up to her with a wet brush and start applying a fresh coat without permission.

And they keep their wives’ vaginas just as dry as he does.

Citizens, do your duty and secure our nation’s roads by applying this novel reinforcement technique to hazardous vehicles in need.

Nature’s little backhoes.

Do some geek shit and automatically reply with https://www.nohello.com/ if they lead with a greeting and a pause for dramatic effect. I usually just wait for them to continue with what they actually need which solves the issue one way or another.

Nothing happens.

> ▌

Lights flicker and dim throughout the neighborhood as a white-hot glow builds through the stack of 32Xs. A bright blue flash signals the destruction of the transformer down the block but you spare no attention for the freshly-darkened row of houses, captivated by the scene unfolding in your own living room.

Rather than sputtering out and returning to its previously inert form, the Sega only glows brighter. A voice is whispering to you but dissolves into wordless static against the ambient hum of the room. Your skin tingles and itches, the smell of ozone tickles your nose and you’re starting to think you should have brought some kind of eye protection. Probably too late to worry about that now though.

A crack of darkness forms in the center of the column of light – that, or your tortured optical nerves are finally burning out. The air takes on an unnatural viscosity which seems to conduct the ever-present hum straight into your bones. In an instant, the darkness pulses and ripples along its wispy edges before falling in on itself, carrying with it the last beams of your technological abomination like a mangled lighthouse blasting its warnings into a roiling hurricane.

You wake up in the morning to find a box on your doorstep. Oh yeah, you remember, that eBay listing for an old Sega and collection of accessories. Absently clicking together a stack of 32X modules while examining the contents of the package, you start to wonder if the thing will even power on…

Makes me wonder if it was for engagement bait somewhere along the repost chain. I don’t want to believe that somebody thinks “wicked” is worth censoring.

The keys are attached to your bootstraps, you’ve just got to pull them hard enough. Everything works precisely as Founding Father Jesus intended.

Or how they used to do it in the old days: pay a dozen or so soot-smudged orphan kids to dart back and forth throughout the performance with the script printed on signs, keeping time with the action on the stage. Might lose a few to milk-leg or dropsy but these were the mud times so at least they’re not dodging industrial machinery through a cloud of mercury and asbestos.

You might be able to find a shop vac with a large enough hose and intake port, typical household vacuums will struggle to fit anything larger than a medium-sized kitten. I urge you to reconsider though; whatever the cat did wrong, there’s no way it deserves this. Show some mercy.

Minecraft. Minecraft never changes.

(Except for when it does. Liquid behaviors have been less-than-perfectly-intuitive from the start though.)

I keep my skeleton inside a meat robot.

Do I look like I know what a hot dog is? All I wanted was a picture of a god-dang JPEG!