yes, I love that! I’m imagining a nice dark brown would work perfectly, and I love the waistbelt idea.

omg I love these tops; the higher collar and square cut wouldn’t look as great on me, but I love the soft purple floral aesthetic.

Agreed, a high-waisted skirt is called for, but I would have to figure out the color (maybe black just so the skirt isn’t the main focus), but I would want to find something that matches better - maybe a cream color.

it would help if you could clarify what you mean by wobbly or buzzy … maybe some examples of songs or segments that have the sound you’re describing?

is this song wobbly or buzzy?

Might also x-post to !dadforaminute@lemmy.world if you don’t get responses here.

yeah, I think it might have been an oversight - after acquisitions there is a lot of chaos and sometimes there are periods where HR is disrupted and things slip through the cracks. In this case, the software that manages your information allowed me to change from my residential address to a PO box and no one ever brought it up.

The world is so baby obsessed that the thought of removing a uterus to treat a debilitating disease is fucking unthinkable.

…

People get visibly and verbally disappointed when I say that I don’t want kids.

I will never understand this, even as someone who now wishes she could get pregnant but can’t … having kids is such a huge and personal choice, it’s hard for me to understand where people are coming from when they are so normative about it with other people. My own desires don’t translate to wishing other people have kids too. (I know I’m different in many ways, but still, that’s my point - I’m different and don’t understand other people.)

I’m so sorry you face this social stigma, it strikes me as misogynistic and reductive (as well as just rude and inconsiderate to your suffering and reality). I’m so glad you have your surgeon!

yes, I think this is part of why the question’s answer so obvious to so many women (and why it’s so confusing to men).

A man doesn’t generally have the same experience women do with other men. Some men certainly will fear other men and experience male violence, but the cultural attitude is to teach men to expect this and to arise to that violence with their own competitive violence, part of patriarchal normative masculinity is the constant vying for power that happens between men.

I would fully expect some men if asked man or bear would answer the same as many women do (i.e. choose the bear as well), even if that’s maybe a minority of men (who knows!).

Regardless, I think women think bears are already out in the wilderness and if they have encountered one on a hike they know it can be dangerous, but it’s anomalous for them to really be a threat. Meanwhile, the threat of men is more real and constantly enforced in daily living (usually through romantic partners or family), so based on that daily lived experience it makes sense to choose bear.

But some men hear this and think narrowly about the physical capacity of a bear to do harm compared to a man, as though somehow the question were a match-up: who would you rather fight, a man or a bear? As though the question is one of lethality or force, not situational. And in that reading I could see how men might feel dehumanized by the response - are men really worse predators than a hulking giant terrifying animal with claws and teeth, are those terrifying creatures really safer than them?

This question drives a wedge between men and women because men and women have different lived experiences, and it’s difficult for men to understand the way women experience the world and why they answer the way they do. If men had to live in the world as women and feel that level of vulnerability (let alone actually be victimized as women), they might understand it better - but those experiences are literally inaccessible to them.

So the problem here is really that men aren’t listening and use the opportunity to flip it around and make it about how actually they are the victim here. (Which isn’t entirely false, but is distorted and applied unfairly when not validating women’s experiences - the reality is that we can accommodate both perspectives, we can acknowledge the way patriarchy victimizes both men and women - it’s not an either or.)

I work for a corporate multinational conglomerate that very much is not laissez faire 😅

yeah, the cultural hegemony is real, and it’s made worse by the way the U.S. has had such cultural influence on the rest of the world … it makes it seem for the American that the whole world is like the U.S.

I use my passport and social security for ID, neither have my residential address on them. It’s only on my state-issued driver’s license, which I don’t use for ID.

I gave my employer my PO box address, that’s what they have.

and also that you don’t have to give away the location of where you live to everyone who needs to send you mail or a package …, including your employer

yes, I didn’t mean to imply cultural values are absolute and static 😅 Still, it’s a good call-out, thank you!

Miyazaki films have some strong feminine characters!

tbf the question just doesn’t lend itself to intersectional thinking, it assumes the racist “default” which of course for most people is going to mean the man is white, cis, straight, able-bodied, Western, English-speaking, etc. And honestly if the question incorporated intersectional identity, it would just further expose biases we experience about those “other” identities, for many:

• ableism implies the differently abled are weaker and thus safer and less masculine
• Blackness is perceived as hyper-masculine and dangerous
• being a trans man would invalidate their gender as a man for many and be assumed to be safer
• being a gay man would likewise be perceived as safer as the assumption is that men’s predatory nature is in part sexual (which is not entirely wrong, since most of the violence women experience from men are perpetuated by their sexual partners)

If I went camping, the probability of being killed by a man is much, much higher than the probability a bear comes into my camp and kills me, simply by the numbers. And for added distress, a man is also much more likely to rape me before he kills me, whereas a bear is more likely to just maul me defensively, or less likely, to see me as food and attempt to eat me. Bears don’t tend to go around killing for fun.

Ironically the video didn’t mention the way differences about the bear would change the question - I have spent time around black bears and would feel very different about being around them than a grizzly bear. Even so, there have been times when I’ve been near a black bear that I have been so terrified out of my skin that I would have certainly preferred to be near a man in that moment instead. (Though the exact opposite happens far more frequently: that women experience moments with men when they would wish to be around a bear instead.)

Either way, both probabilities are extremely low, meanwhile violence against women by men they know is very common. This last fact explains the psychology - the reality is that a very large percent of women (one in three) have been victimized by men they know, which of course results in a generalized fear of men.

It’s rational fear, rooted in real violence, but the video’s point is not to gaslight women into overlooking that fear because of intersectionality, lol. They’re just pointing out the way we don’t even think about that. If I’m not wrong the point of the video is that feminism includes liberating men from patriarchy since it victimizes them as well.

Men being labeled as “predators” is one of those ways they are unfairly treated under a patriarchal system, it alienates them from women who fear them. Tolerance of violence against women create a situation of distrust and fear, but it’s a minority of men who perpetuate the violence that creates this situation.

The man-bear question should lead people to recognize the problem is patriarchy, and that both men and women benefit from dealing with this problem.

the real question is whether they are also a man, lol

He’s very religious and might have some rigidity with how he views gender, e.g. he doesn’t think trans people are their gender, the assignment of their sex at birth for him is the ultimate truth about their gender. Ironically he will respect a chosen name of a trans person, but won’t respect their pronouns, seemingly out of a rigid sense of not wanting to participate in deception, which is how trans people are perceived by him (even if innocently, the way a schizophrenic person is delusional through their mental illness).

yes, the kernel of truth makes it hard for him to see past the narrow way that it’s true to see the forest of misogyny he’s in - to him, the feminists are the true misogynists

One of my closest colleagues at work believes women are biologically suited to manage the home. He also believes any portrayal of women as having qualities traditionally attributed to men (as physically strong, as leaders, as warriors or soldiers, etc.) is misogyny - he argues it devalues femininity by implying women have to be masculine to be valuable or equal to men.