The goofus who figured out cheese

That’s like leaving fireworks half exploded. Sure you could but it’s offensive to chemistrionicists.

“There’s more than one way to melt this horse” is totally an idiom in the glue industry I promise.

“who left this horse on the stove? It’s all gooey and stuck to everything? Give it to Mikey and see how it tastes!”

Yeah dude. Fuck those long dogs. Throw another horse on the melter.

Front to back or top to bottom?

🟤 🐔 🟤 🐮

Uh, which set

Also one of them was bit by a snapping turtle

Look when I get my titties out it makes the cows feel better

I can’t believe we’re having this argument again. Hexagonal cows when two dimensional. Uh, regular icosahedral cows in three, I don’t know the names of the shapes in four but you’ll put your eye out

How thick of a universe ༼ ͡⚆ل͜ ͡⚆༽

This is a physics problem not a philosophy problem

It was my second exposure to high quality sodas, after vernors

You know how you set up junk mail accounts? I feel like that one is set up for kooks and the other one is set up for work. But I’m not sure which is which anymore.

Potato salad with good pickles? Mustard? I don’t know. I just thought of German flavored chip and thought pickle

Likewise, we had to teach our sweetie to like cuddles. We call them corporal lovings (a corporal punishment joke) where we pick her up and let her perch on our shoulder or drape across our arm as long as she’d like while I pace around our home. She absolutely loves it and it is all across her face, but she will. not. show. whoever is carrying her.

It went from “she’d tolerate five minutes of corporal lovings a day from me and only me, the human she chose” to give an example from a recent month “my wife and I had an argument (probably about flour) and then the cat took a nap on my wife’s lap for an hour half to make me jealous, half to make me envious, and because she’s bad at math and a sweetie, half to show me that she loves my wife, the human I chose, as much as or more than me, the human the cat chose, and the cat really wants us to make up or start some mind games and I’ve been keeping up on her treats so I’m hoping make up.”

Sorry that sentence got away from me and I’m tired/high, but if I remember I’ll come back and clean up the grandma

treating your pets as less than they are is… i’m not sure what the word is but the first thing that comes to mind is disrespectful? somehow that doesn’t feel like enough. what’s the word for racist against kittens.

similar, but my cats jump on the bed for cuddles before treats and running off and deciding whose bed they are sleeping on for the night. also they will share with me their midnight running up the walls, greebles and assorted zoomies if i’m still up (they really want to fight the outside cat).

if eating churros with my cats is wromg i domt wannt be right