masking isn’t something that I can “stop” doing, it generalized and became permanent at age 12.
I have been quite fairly described by more than one shrink as having blunted affect, which describes my level of displayed emotion, not how strongly I feel it.
so, I can only “unmask” to some degree around … well, he’s dead. so nobody.
any thought on a Signal group?
what’s crazy is when I was in DBT I met somebody actually diagnosed with ASD who shares a lot of the same auditory sensitivities I have, but like… way worse. and with misophonia and such. the sensitivity scale goes way higher than most humans will ever understand.
are you being distracted by their quiet but active activities or something?
correct, I got the “no perceptual filter for anything happening inside the house,” “can never stop masking unless alone” autism combined with being homeless and thus crashing on a couch with no door I can close
every month, I need to fill the same prescriptions I’ve had for between 10 and 20 years.
every month, one or more persons whose job it is to get those pills into my hands without interruption, fucks it up.
as a result, the stash of critical medication which I jealously hoard as a hedge against this exact problem (as well as natural disasters, etc) grows smaller. I now have about 7 days remaining. I will rapidly become sick and then completely nonfunctional if I miss my meds for even a day.
it’s now crystal clear that the American health care system is not designed to help me with this problem, and that it has no intention of ever doing so.
thank you for doing the work to offer these services :)
oh, you also got the “can never, ever, ever ‘tune out’ any type of speech sound” autism? it’s currently destroying my life and has been doing so for nearly a decade btw 🥲
Melatonin is a clock-setting hormone, not a sleep aid, and most of the supplements on the (US) market have waaaaay too high a dose. I get excellent results from 150ug (0.15mg) taken 4 hours before bedtime at the same time every night, and I suffered from delayed sleep phase syndrome for decades before figuring this out.
Dumping an entire bathtub full of melatonin (relatively speaking) into one’s brain leads to more problems than it solves, and it’s not even a very good sleep aid on top of that. Because its actual function is as a clock-setting molecule.
Industry also causes air pollution and plenty of it. It’s more visually segregated in developed countries. But as an example, have you ever explored the Pakistani factory video genre on Youtube?
I also know not everybody will be fine and be able to cope better if left alone. I will, but it was a long damn journey to get to where I’m able to say that with confidence. If you’re somebody who needs to be alone but won’t be fine if you are, I see you too.
This should probably be my job description, but life got in the way before I speciated from generic backend software engineer. I’m doing something analogous, in that I’ve been putting together a ‘stack’ on top of Proxmox and super portable hardware so that I can self-host nearly everything I need on my own hardware while not having a permanent place to live.
webshit
anybody need a Wordpress site built, rehabbed, or tilled & weeded? help a homeslice not be homeless
Thanks for making this post, I usually try to make one at that time of year but I was in deeeeeep acute burnout.
Sony’s current cheap models are a lot better than the XM3s. I know that pressure sensation, I’d given up on all noise canceling headphones because I hate it, but tried a pair of (cheap!) Sony WH-CH720N and that sensation is 98% reduced, it only appears a little if there’s a ton of bass noise in the environment. But even then, it’s not nearly as bad as most other (older) NC headphones I’ve tried.
Aka “musicians earplugs” … which can be premade, or if you actually want the best fidelity, custom molded to fit your actual ear canal! Had a gf who was a post-punk musician once, she absolutely swore by her custom pair.
Hi, I would recommend the Sony WH-CH720N as punching way above their weight for a $100 pair.
I am someone who didn’t like noise canceling headphones which I tried before, since older models all seemed to cause a sensation of “pressure” on my eardrums which felt like having dead meat behind saran wrap smushed up against them. The Sony WH-CH720N have about 98% removed that sensation, which means I can actually wear them for more than 10 minutes.
The noise canceling feature isn’t perfect - you can of course still hear some noise - but it’s about as good as the Bose Quiet Comfort 3 pair which cost a LOT more than the Sony.
They feel the same about me when I decline the opportunity to get shitfaced drunk and banter over 17 games of “Mexican train dominoes” for the 59574th time.
The only person I have to babble at has level 2 autism and can only process a finite (and very small) number of words per day before she combusts 😭
I lose the ability to open most mail once I have processed too many qualia per unit time
I’m mostly able to disconnect which is scary, even tho I make a point to share info about the situation. People have to know what is happening.