• laughingsquirrel
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    2 months ago

    That sounds healthy, like you are taking good care of yourself 🤗

    And I totally get the ‘no contact’ with family, sometimes they hold us back, keep us in toxic dynamics, so it’s the best thing to get rid of that… I wish you a wonderful weekend, thank you for this exchange, and sorry for sometimes taking longer to respond!

    • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 months ago

      Uh, hah, no problem with the delay, makes for an unexpected surprise!

      Hope your weekend goes well too.

      But uh, yeah, this last stunt they pulled very nearly directly resulted in my death, beyond the injuries I am still recovering from, so uh… after a life time of their instability, immense drama, drug problems, criminal behavior, constant gaslighting, guilt tripping, hypocrisy, and insatiable need for validation…

      Yep, I’m done now.

      Though I am still not fully recovered, simply being away from them has done wonders for my mental health.

      • laughingsquirrel
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        2 months ago

        Oh my god, that sounds horrible! That must have been super rough, I had my small share of gaslighting in a past relationship, and that alone was tough to get away from, so I can’t imagine how you managed to live through all of it and eventually to get away from it! And almost dying because of them, that is a whole different level! I’m glad you are alive and I wish you a quick and full recovery!

        • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          2 months ago

          Thank you.

          I am… kind of emotionally dead inside, not entirely, I still laugh and cry, but at the level of attempting to have any kind of … real relationship with anyone, so, I’m not very good at … conveying gratitude, or warmth.

          Apparently this is part of what is called hyper vigilance, a kind of consistent/persistent PTSD side effect.

          I’ve spent too long learning the hard way that trust is impossible, love is conditional and flows only one way.

          I… logically know that those things are not true.

          But instinctively… they are.

          … sorry to get so dark.

          Anyway, yes, the recovery is slow but progressing.

          Two years ago I was in a wheel chair.

          6 months ago I needed either a cane or crutches and a bunch of braces to move around for more than ~30 minutes.

          As of roughly two weeks ago, I can manage 30 minutes without anything, though it is painful and I have to be very careful, I usually still use the cane and one or two braces.

          So… steady as she goes, this is working, just, slowly.