A few years ago my older brother told me that at our Thanksgiving and Christmas family dinners he fills a powerade bottle with red wine. For years I never noticed. I remembered thinking “good for him, avoiding all the soda and bringing his own healthy drink” lol. I was still scared to try it myself, but it went fine, and the last time I used a pomegranate juice bottle instead. I love red wine, and with big family dinners with 40+ people of all ages and hours long, it REALLY helps me enjoy myself. Plus, I can take a sip during the prayer and that’s cathartic for some reason.

But there are problems… Wine has a pretty strong smell and strongly discolors your tongue and teeth. I do NOT want to get caught and end up killing my grandma with shock. Also, I’d love having enough to share with my cousins who’ve left the church, so something stronger would be nice.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this holiday season and here’s some things I’d like to achieve:

• Super covert. Where even my smart aunt wouldn’t think twice.
• A shareable amount. Maybe not where we could all get buzzed, but a few sips.
• Variety - I love making different cocktails, and like showing them to my Exmo family. So I don’t want to be tied to purple forever.

Some ideas I’ve had:

• A thermos or opaque water bottle and just hope it’s not suspicious.
• Invent some two chambered bottle that only pours alcohol if a button is pressed
• Find some clear cocktails and put them in clear water bottles
• Maybe a hidden and silent flask that we can just pour liquor into our drinks
• Color the inside of a bottle to look like it’s full of the original beverage.
• Just refill emptied soda cans. Or re-bottle some root beer bottles (I have a bottle cap press…)
• Refill a kombucha bottle. This might work great because it can be whatever color I want since it’s not recognizable, and since it’s fermented tea it might ward off the TBMs

Also, I need a phrase I can say to ward off cousins who might ask for a sip, “that’s not church-approved eggnog” for example 😂