Sometimes, in a split second I get this kind of sadness when I see something.
I saw a guy with his son and he was showing him how to fill the car with petrol.
Nothing special. Unless you’ve never really had a father. Then you think about all the other stuff you had to learn by yourself; like shaving, driving, finding your first job and hundreds of other small things you don’t normally think about.
I suppose there’s pride in having navigated from age 14 till 41 by yourself. But it’s a poor 2nd place prize.
I feel this so, so hard. I can usually ignore things in real life, but I don’t watch family movies or shows very much because they make me feel the same way, and if I ever do something or have an experience that feels like my idea of normalcy I end up in a euphoric like state for a few hours before crashing really hard and ending up really sad for the next few days
I think you deserve all the hugs in the world for having to feel that way 🫂 That’s heartbreaking. I know you can’t do anything about how it all is and you’re unbelievably bright and level-headed and observant for all you’ve been through, but I hope so much you do find your own family when you become independent and get some of those happy family vibes in your real life. The physical feeling of belonging and security is absolutely unmatched. May you get to experience that for real with good people who will be there for you :D
I’m the same with any family related media. It just hurts.
I know about that euphoric state you’re talking about. For me, they happen when I succeed at something I’ve been working hard at.
I feel really good for a while, then the thoughts of “wish I had a family (that’s average) to celebrate with”.
All my victories are silent.
I lie to people when ask me about my family. I made up a story about how they are all overseas. Stops the weird vibe that happens when you tell the truth.
I felt this with some of the dads at my old workplace. Hearing them having to leave on time to go watch a game or going to a 9 day fortnight so they could spend more time with their kids. I kinda teared up for a bit thinking about how my dad never bothered. If he picked me up he was often late and I once spent 90 minutes waiting on the kerb (in the day before mobiles). The only time he ever came for an accomplishment of mine - the highest one I ever had - he made it all about himself and was a total embarrassment.
I saw a lot of that when I worked in manual labour. These guys were rough around the edges but they genuinely cared about their families and would do anything to make sure they were safe, happy and secure.
The way they talked about their kids, you could tell deep down they loved them. Even if they had this tough guy exterior.
Sometimes I tear up when I see families in public having fun and just being happy together. Lucky I always wear sunnies outside.
Yeah that last part I know all too well. I’m so fucking grateful that I’m nothing like my father. I learned early that he was bad. But it took a hell of a lot of work and effort to correct the bullshit he instilled in me.
Sometimes, in a split second I get this kind of sadness when I see something.
I saw a guy with his son and he was showing him how to fill the car with petrol.
Nothing special. Unless you’ve never really had a father. Then you think about all the other stuff you had to learn by yourself; like shaving, driving, finding your first job and hundreds of other small things you don’t normally think about.
I suppose there’s pride in having navigated from age 14 till 41 by yourself. But it’s a poor 2nd place prize.
Sorry for the downer.
I feel this so, so hard. I can usually ignore things in real life, but I don’t watch family movies or shows very much because they make me feel the same way, and if I ever do something or have an experience that feels like my idea of normalcy I end up in a euphoric like state for a few hours before crashing really hard and ending up really sad for the next few days
I think you deserve all the hugs in the world for having to feel that way 🫂 That’s heartbreaking. I know you can’t do anything about how it all is and you’re unbelievably bright and level-headed and observant for all you’ve been through, but I hope so much you do find your own family when you become independent and get some of those happy family vibes in your real life. The physical feeling of belonging and security is absolutely unmatched. May you get to experience that for real with good people who will be there for you :D
so many super hugs
I get that feeling from “normalcy” too, then I see the dysfunctional fam and have to tone down my normal.
Thanks sea, I appreciate it
I’m the same with any family related media. It just hurts. I know about that euphoric state you’re talking about. For me, they happen when I succeed at something I’ve been working hard at. I feel really good for a while, then the thoughts of “wish I had a family (that’s average) to celebrate with”.
All my victories are silent.
I lie to people when ask me about my family. I made up a story about how they are all overseas. Stops the weird vibe that happens when you tell the truth.
I felt this with some of the dads at my old workplace. Hearing them having to leave on time to go watch a game or going to a 9 day fortnight so they could spend more time with their kids. I kinda teared up for a bit thinking about how my dad never bothered. If he picked me up he was often late and I once spent 90 minutes waiting on the kerb (in the day before mobiles). The only time he ever came for an accomplishment of mine - the highest one I ever had - he made it all about himself and was a total embarrassment.
It must hit a lot harder as a man. Hugs
I’m sorry you went through that. I really am.
I saw a lot of that when I worked in manual labour. These guys were rough around the edges but they genuinely cared about their families and would do anything to make sure they were safe, happy and secure.
The way they talked about their kids, you could tell deep down they loved them. Even if they had this tough guy exterior.
Sometimes I tear up when I see families in public having fun and just being happy together. Lucky I always wear sunnies outside.
so many many hugs. Yes, your achievements are yours.
I’m a little older than you and am still finding out all the things I should know but don’t, things that an interested parent would have taught.
But I did get taught a whole load of shitty baggage.
Thank you ❤️
Yeah that last part I know all too well. I’m so fucking grateful that I’m nothing like my father. I learned early that he was bad. But it took a hell of a lot of work and effort to correct the bullshit he instilled in me.