No one tells us that our opinions wrt certain topics are worthless at best but probably even harmful. People usually have to debate us as if they were our equals or maybe even lessers and it suggests that yeah we might make mistakes but overall if we’re open to be challenged all is good. We’re the good guys who listen to womens concerns arent we amazing.

Finding out that your opinions can be worse than worthless then comes as a shock, but it’s so so important to know to just stfu. People who live it know more than you, nothing you say hasn’t already been considered, there is nothing you can contribute, no nuance to point out.

The next stage is realising just how useless you are: you have no comfort to offer (unless you already have a rather intimate friendship and even then it’s very limited), no advice to give, everything you might say to them affect positive change won’t land since you can’t relate. Best you can do is acknowledge that it is unfair, unjust or whatever language they used in a plain, matter of fact way. No sharing their pain, you can’t. It feels awful this helplessness and inability to relate but it’s important to realise it and not have the other comfort you because their lived experience made you sad.

I believe there is nothing we can say other than tell others to stfu, so voices that need to be heard can get heard.

Actions speak louder than words anyway, you need to actually do something to be an ally to someone.