I did not expect this this post of mine to attract as many people minimising SA as it did. Bit of a downer, yeah.
For the past few weeks there have been multiple people on here really showing their asses by upvoting or commenting outright incel shit on various posts. This has convinced me that Hexbear needs another fucking purge.
i feel like tensions about dating and romance have really begun boiling up the past few years in general. there was a short period a few years ago where i thought incel-ism was dying out as an identity, but these days it seems bigger than its ever been
Ngl, there’s been a lot of iffy shit over the last couple months that have been making me rethink being here. If it weren’t for the absolute amazing trans community, I probably would’ve left. A portion of the men on this site make me horrendously uncomfortable and really are just solidifying why I will probably never date or hook up with a man even though I’m pan. Men terrify me now.
name and shame tbh. we must prepare another purge
I’m gonna try and do this next time that shit happens. As noted, it makes me uncomfortable and I kinda just lose all sense about what to do in the moment. So I tend to just try and ignore the thread after I see what’s going on so to avoid the severe discomfort I feel.
yeah a lot of people used to talk about SV a lot just off the cuff in jokes and news and memes and i think over time ive been able to get people to realize this isnt ok and now most posts are properly tagged, though i do usually end up reporting one or two each week, particularly from newcomers and fediverse people.
it is generally kinda wild how cis men often have no comprehension about why so many women avoid a wide swathe of internet spaces and activities
Loading HE, call out targets
Thankfully the mods are good people and things like this are usually dealt with pretty quickly
This might be controversial but I’m gonna say it: it sucks that women/femmes are less safe than men/masc are, it sucks that this means they have to be so careful all the time about things guys don’t even think about, it sucks that our society doesn’t take their safety or seeking their justice seriously, and we aught to be doing something systemically to address all of those issues.
I don’t think that’s very controversial to say at all.
(I was being facetious)
Sorry you experienced that. I had not heard of that meme before reading that thread you linked. I’ll say as an male-presenting person, it definitely doesn’t feel good to have people assume that you are inherently dangerous for reasons that are out of your control. That’s where the instinct to minimize comes from, I think.
But that’s how it is, unfortunately. That’s the consequence of living under patriarchy, and if a guy doesn’t like it then they should assist in dismantling it rather than trying to dismiss its harms.
That’s where the instinct to minimize comes from, I think.
Goofy-ass, ridiculous instinct. Idk where people in privileged groups get this idea that condescending to or whining at people of marginalised groups is a good idea. I think the absolute bare minimum you can do is listen to those less privileged to you. It’s not like the Institution Of Maleness needs defending.
(Good comment btw, I’m just on a roll today)
It’s wild how someone will say the words “true crime brain” and just completely black out that they just said the word “true”. Like those horrific things happened because real men did them.
true crime is often railroading and always exploitation.
that doesn’t take away from #yesallwomen or give us an ability to tell who’s a predator by looking but i have something very specific in mind when i hear “true crime brain” and the truth got nothing to do with it.
True crime brain is a thing though
Like even the set up of the original question is wrong, and should instead be:
Would you rather be in a forest with a bear or a man that is a friend, colleague or family member?
(The bear is overwhelmingly the better choice)
I heard a coworker today talk about almost getting kidnapped on a Tinder date, with the dude stalking her to her job and following her home. Just horrifying stuff. It’s so pervasive but as a guy I don’t encounter it until I hear stories like this and realize how dangerous it is out there for women and femmes alike. So, as much as I made jokes in the thread about gay bears, I get the point. It’s not safe out there.
I try to avoid talking about SA on the internet because men with fragile egos will always find it and share their horrible takes in which they are the victims. I didn’t really expect hexbear to be an exception but I’m still sad to see it confirmed
men with fragile egos will always find it and share their horrible takes in which they are the victims.
I HATE THIS.
Own what you did, fuckboys. You were monstrous. Own up to it.
I know I did vile shit when I was young, and I spent the next three quarters of my life trying to make a world that doesn’t create another Me. I don’t go jack myself off on social media to make myself feel better about it.
I saw the worst fucking takes around this in a facebook “leftist” group, so many “not all men” telling women to shut up and touch grass, because obviously talking about abuse and being mistrusting of men is “hysterical” and “permanently online”. I thought I had stumbled onto 4chan by mistake.
the worst ones were probably spouting literal right-wing racist shit about immigrant men being overrepresented to le epicly troll those evil misandrist women.
fucking disgraceful
proof that an iron hand is needed to crush deeply unserious ‘leftists’ like this
telling women to shut up and touch grass, because obviously talking about abuse and being mistrusting of men is “hysterical” and “permanently online”
Which is ironic considering the reason women learn to be hyper vigilant is because of the real world experiences they’ve had.
yeah that shit was pretty yikes. just another example of how even people who are on board with us most of the time still have serious brainworms to exorcise.
Going purely by DV statistics and rape culture, yeah I pick the bear too.
It’s agonising to know that I can scare women just by existing in an area/place they don’t expect. And that’s not their fault, they’re just protecting themselves. It’s our society that has made it this way.
Yeah it’s important to remember that women don’t hate men when they point out SA. It’s more of a “please listen to us this isn’t cool” than a “fuck you you are horrible and should feel bad”.
im mostly joking but unironically i think greater than 50% of men are vile and need to be forcibly de-brainwormed
My experience from interacting with men makes me agree.
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Interesting that you believe I’m calling you out
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Because you talk over people who have experienced or at risk of experiencing SV.
I’ll admit I made a smartass comment or two on social media (even here) about bears being able to run really fast
But fuck’s sake how do you not listen to people reiterating the point again and again that it’s a thought exercise meant to make you figure out why the bear is their choice and actually listen
I’d imagine that chuds will be puffing their chests after this with “I’m scarier than a bear”, but I guess the men saw the question more of “would she rather be in a forest with a bear or with you” and felt mogged by a 300 kilogram hairy animal.
Shrinking into a corn cob over the fact that woman would literally rather be torn to shreds by a bear than spend time with them
(struggling to make sense in english just reply to me if I say something brainworm) I find it surreal whenever progressive people in the west do something that is or used to be seen as “Muslim backwardness” like here, I don’t know how to explain it though.
Projection. The internet atheist movement (that turned into the ‘facts-and-logic FEMINISTS OWNED’ movement), hated islam in part because they could justify it as treating women worse than them. “Don’t look at me - I’m the good guy here - ok maybe I dont really like women or gay people but… at least I don’t advocate for stoning them!”
A few years later and those same men come out as ‘culturally christian’ because they were the true reactionaries all along.
Okay, but, have you considered: what about ethics in gaming journalism? reakky makes u thikn
But more importantly have you considered the feelings of me, a white man? 
I saw it yesterday shortly after Read_Fanon had made that lovely response, and I felt good about the comments! I didn’t realize it had taken a turn until I saw this post, and there were 100+ new comments 😳 aaaaaahhhhhh
True Crime Brain got me down, I GUESS 😮💨😤🤦😭
.
Men: build up for centuries being dangerous and tendency to domination of others as a virtue ‘non-dangerous non-overly-confident men are not real men!!!’
Also men: ‘how dare you call me “dangerous”!? I am very offended, boo-hoo!’Also, not on this site, but I have seen women’s complaints of sexism be disregarded in supposedly-leftist spaces, such as in threads authored by them and dedicated to them saying that they are excluded from various hobbies/spaces where some people commented ‘nobody is complaining about being excluded!’
implicit denial of personhood in that comment too
Oh, I wasn’t referencing any specific comment. This seems to be very weirdly common.
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CW SA
This reply isn’t directed at you specifically fwiw, more the general topic
Understandable for sure. Especially for masc people who themselves have been victimized. It’s a harsh realization, a hard pill to swallow.
But realizing, acknowledging, and fully understanding this reality is essential for deconstructing internalized patriarchy and toxic masculinity, for developing emotional maturity, for interacting empathetically with comrades. Essential to try and be part of a solution rather than part of the problem.
It’s very difficult for a lot of men to truly understand and internalize the experience of being femme in a patriarchal society, especially wrt constant underlying threat of SA or pest behavior. Like every interaction with a man is filtered, consciously or subconsciously, by the fact that he has been conditioned by a society that accepts this shit as normal, that no matter how nice or cool he is you don’t truly know what’s going on inside his head, and he could be the next one to victimize you.
There’s no signifier that truly represents safety. Political opinion, physical presentation, niceness, none of these preclude the possibility of future abuse. A lot of us have been victimized by people we thought we could trust.
So like, it all fucking sucks. It sucks for people who feel ostracized because of something outside of their control, it sucks for people who have to live with this constant stressor and tension on every potential interaction with a masc person, it sucks that there’s yet another divisive intersection undermining potential solidarity. But we do still form connections. Solidarity is the only path forward, and we can achieve it despite these inhibitory factors with better understanding of everyone’s experiences, with active self-crit.
But the onus is on men to acknowledge this reality and deconstruct the insecurity they feel at being perceived this way. Their comfort can’t be maintained at the cost of denying or minimizing the lived experiences of femme people.
This is basic shit though, that most assumed hexbears would be over. It’s like a bunch of white people reacting strongly to a hypothetical that implies people have reasons to fear white people. Like come the fuck on, I thought we worked this out with “not all men” 8 years ago
