In my 30’s and only within the last few years have I been able to really introspect my life, and realize behaviors that I’ve “created” or “fake” in social interactions. I struggled a lot in middle/high school, and even through my 20’s. I’ve essentially “found” myself to some degree in my 30’s, but I’m actually not sure how much of it is me and how much of it is masking.
I recognize the signs when I’m being fake in interactions that would benefit from being more genuine. It’s automatic, and I’ve noticed others take notice when it’s the wrong mask at the wrong time. Which just means I get better at it, which is nice and all, but it would be cool if it wasn’t such an automatic reaction.
So my question to all of you is how do you reduce masking behavior in situations or relationships where it may be beneficial or necessary to not do so?
Awkwardly I guess you could answer this with “You get better at it with time”, which is true of most things. However, I’m looking for some emotionally intelligent advice or anecdotes.
I don’t know if this helps but, I’ve kind of just become comfortable with things being awkward. If I have a serious conversation coming up or whatever, I just change my expectations about what’s going to happen. I will be misunderstood. I will not be able to express my thoughts exactly with the English language. I will over explain. I will ask a dumb question that “should” know the answer to. I probably won’t use someone’s name, even though I know for a fact what their name is (my brain gets in a loop of “what I get their name wrong after all this time, I’ll look like such an asshole”).
I don’t even feel like I accurately expressed what I’m feeling with this post. And I’ve read and changed it a couple of times trying to.
Hope that helps.
TIL that’s another autistic trait I have 😬