For context, I’ve been on the fence about going on HRT.

During my therapy session today, I was talking about some of the fears I have about going on HRT. Up until now, I’ve been trying to ease myself into transitioning because I do have my doubts and I don’t want to rush into the wrong decision.

I’ve been “crossdressing” (what does one call this if they think they’re trans?) on and off for a while now, and I’ve been in therapy about dysphoria for a few months now, but HRT is still a big decision that I didn’t want to influence myself toward if I didn’t need it. I didn’t go by female pronouns, didn’t experiment with names, hesitated to call myself trans until I soul searched a bit more and knew. I think that’s partially due to fear of being ostracized by my family or affected by the horrible legislation attempting to go around in America right now, or really just rushing into something big like that in general.

Lately, I’ve been leaning toward wanting to go on HRT. I’ve been searching for clinics to freeze my sperm and I’ve found a couple of sources for HRT, just to have everything sorted if I decide to start transitioning. Today, when I was going over my fears with my therapist, I just blurted out

“Fuck, if I had gone on HRT when I was 18 then I would just be a woman by now. Dammit.”

Right after I said that, I realized exactly what I had said and what emotions I was actually expressing. I think it took me forever to admit it but I definitely want HRT. I want to be a woman. I’m scared still, in many ways, but I think this is the path for me and I want to embrace all the joys and struggles which come alongside transitioning. So that said, I’d like to ask any of you girls on HRT, what were some unexpected trials and happy moments during the process?

I turn 23 this December, and it would be amazing if I could start HRT before then. It’s doable, I have to hunt down some good sperm banks first because I still want biological kids someday. My main fear right now (and I do apologize to you non-American Lemmy users that are sick of hearing about this) is this damnable upcoming election. I don’t believe that team Trump will go down quietly if Harris wins, but it would ease my mind greatly if I knew I didn’t have to navigate my transition with a 2nd Trump administration breathing down my neck. How are you other American girls dealing with that? I’m almost at the point where I say fuck it all and live my life. So close…

but do I want to paint a target on myself?

Idk. Thanks for reading my thought spew, it helps to get it out in writing sometimes.

  • Norah - She/They@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    5·
    5 months ago

    Okay, now I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here that you aren’t a troll. Stopping HRT is in no way analogous with menopause for anyone whose body can still produce testosterone. You will not have bone density issues unless you have had surgery, because your original testosterone levels re-assert themselves. As for the side-effects of menopause (and let’s please not forget that the main effect, the end of the menstrual cycle, does not affect us) like hair thinning/loss and facial hair growth, what would you suggest causes them other than testosterone having more of a chance to bind to sex hormone receptors? No, I will not find you the medical evidence, and if you ask for it then you definitely are a troll.

    Transitioning is a process that never ends and eats your whole life.

    I know we all want a magical and flawless transition route via the promise of high-tech modern medicine.

    My transition was not magical or flawless, and I would not change a thing about that. In fact, I achieved my one transition goal. It was to want to kill myself less.