However, this is c/lemmybewholesome

You make a good point. I’ve deleted my comment. I was out of line bringing it to this community. My bad.

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Exist as a trans person

You are trans. You know it, and she knows it. That will always be true. You talk about the concerns you have that transition will bring to your marriage, but you need to also consider the ways that repression will harm your marriage and your family. If you could just suck up the dysphoria and ignore it, you wouldn’t be here, you wouldn’t have had these conversations with your wife. You’ve had them, because ignoring who you are isn’t a long term option.

If you suck it up, and just try and deal with the dysphoria and hide who you are, you will know you are doing it, and so will your wife. The anger and pain that comes with repression, the guilt your wife will feel if she believes you are not living true to yourself for her sake… You can’t put the genie back in the bottle. Transitioning may break your marriage, but so will ignoring who you are.

I can’t promise you that your marriage will survive. The truth is, many marriages don’t survive transition. But many do. Ultimately, if your wife is not able to accept and love you for who you are, nothing you can do will save your marriage. So what you can do, is do your best to help her accept who you are. You can take things slowly, you can communicate often, and you can put her comfort in the forefront of the decisions you make. But that will only work if you’re helping her come to accept you for who you are. If all you are doing is helping her live in some form of denial, your marriage won’t survive, no matter how much you want it to.

The first time it happened to me, was 5 or 6 years ago now, before the climate turned as hostile as it is now. I work for a large organisation, and the people I work with all know I’m trans because I’m open about it, but there are many folk who I don’t work directly with, who didn’t know about my transition, because despite being open about being trans, we simply don’t encounter each other often.

In any case, I just made it clear that I remembered him, and mentioned the project we had worked together on a few years before the encounter. Told him that I was still working in the same area with the same folks. I could see him trying to work out who I was. I didn’t lie, but I didn’t out myself. I just let him struggle to remember me.

I have no idea if he ever did work it out, because I haven’t encountered him again since.

It can take a complete dunk in (shallow) water, so it handles rain nicely!

I love my waterproof cameras and weather sealed lenses!

Empathy being a sign of privilege isn’t the truth I needed to read today :/

Yep! Though now that I’ve seen that, I’ll use Data’s preferred pronunciation when talking about the character

Nope. Definitely don’t say it like that!

I don’t know, because I have no idea how the Star Trek character says it…

We still don’t know…

Is it federated/does it have social elements?

I ended up giving up on darktable for that side of things. I do my organising, keywording, rating etc in Digikam, and then use darktable just for editing.

Instances that don’t have email approval, captcha or manual approval, tend to get defederated pretty quickly, because they attract spam bots

I started transitioning at 41, and that was 8 years ago. You’ve got this.

As for the rest of your post, you’re putting the cart before the horse. Your priorities will change. What you value now isn’t what you’ll want in a year or 5 years. That’s because not only will you change, but the world is changing and your family and friends will change with you as well, as the relationships you have with them shift.

The advice I can give you is focus on what feels like a good next step at that moment in time. It’s not about knowing and planning a specific future or outcome, it’s about giving yourself permission to explore, and experiment and find out what works for you. It’s giving yourself permission to acknowledge that this is all new, and you don’t have the answers.

I guarantee that your relationship with cis passing as a goal will change. I’m not saying it will go away, just that for newly self accepted trans women, the focus on the medical and physical steps of passing is often all consuming and the lens through which we see our journey, but it rarely consumes the same amount of headspace for trans folk that have been out for a year or two. Again, I’m not saying it will go away, but as you journey down this path, the things that will matter to you most will change, and invariably, they won’t relate to cis passing in the way you think they will.

So for now, give yourself permission to explore some things, and start exploring. And then just keep doing that.

Now I can go back to the last remaining two books.

Look, the TV series is good, but it’s not that good :P

CachyOS, because I wanted something arch based due to the archi wiki and rolling releases.

My media boxes run Ubuntu, but that will change when they get rebuilt/replaced at some point, most likely to Debian

This whole season has been really good. I feel like the show has hit its stride

There will not be any corrective steps anytime soon, because the UK government, who would need to implement those steps, is actively disinclined to make them, because even though it’s less transphobic than the previous government, it is still doing transphobia for political reasons.