Like…I have some things I have vague interest in, I guess.
But not anything I have ever put time into, or am good at, or am knowledgeable enough to hold a conversation.
Maybe I’m just depressed…maybe I’ve always been depressed…or maybe I’m just missing some kind of spark most other humans have.
Like how does someone just know or decide like…”yeah I’m really into architecture.”?
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt like that…I feel like I’ve tried and it’s never lasted.
I feel like I’ve spent half my life just addicted to social media and video games and that’s no longer working.
Hobbies might have some kind of internal “source” but they also need to be nurtured. You can’t love what you don’t know, you know? I have a bunch of weird interests now and each of them began with not much more than a sort of mental double-take that served as a starting point. Like the question “what is squid ink made out of anyway?” can be the start of an interest in marine biology.
Depression makes it very hard to catch these little moments since it smothers that little mote of curiosity and pleasure that can be the start of a passion.