She told me I trauma dumped on her and I was looking to trauma bond. Which I think isn’t true since I disclosed to other dates from the get-go I was bipolar because I am one of those who think it’s better to tell someone right away then later when they get attached. Some people are just not okay dating with mental illnesses and that’s okay. So I prefer to say it in advance.
She said she is disabled too and won’t be capable of taking care of me all the time, I have taken it badly because as I said to her I am not looking for a mother. She told she’s got “nurse syndrom” which is basically in the context of romantic relationships, is a psychological phenomenon where an individual, often a woman, feels a compulsive need to “save” or “fix” their partner. I told her I find that infantilizing I do not want a mother or someone trying to save me, yes I am disabled but yes I can also take care of myself like a grown-up, I am not 6 years old looking for guidance. I said to her I do not feel comfortable pursuing the relationship.
AITA for thinking she’s the one showing red flags?
Nah, sounds like you dodged a bullet. Telling you they have some kind of compulsion to fix people says more about their inability to address their own problems without making it yours. Letting people know about a complex issue like bipolar disorder up front is perfectly reasonable.
Thank you. I’m having nice conversations with a cute girl and when I displayed my bipolar disorder she said it was okay and she had anxiety, social anxiety and depression which felt nice not to be judged. She also told me she’s got another chronic illness she’s not ready to talk about for now, which I am totally okay with.
I am one of those who think it’s better to tell someone right away then later when they get attached.
Sounds like this technique was successful and weeded this relationship right on out.
ooc how early is early disclosure here. Were you still texting? Was this a blind date and you sat down and led with,“Hi I’m _____ and I’m bipolar.” Was there some contextual leadup and you were like oh btw. Are you recently diagnosed and still undergoing intensive treatment? Regardless it sounds like they’ve got some conflicting problems and it’s probably for the best.
She mentions in her bio she’s got several mental illnesses so I thought it was okay to be like “hey I struggle with bipolar too”. She then said she wasn’t willing to share her mental illnesses… Why put it up in her bio then? My bio doesn’t mention my mental illnesses. But I am still upfront about it to people I start to feel a connection with.
Oh boy, you dodged a bullet
She just blocked me when I said it would be better for the both of us to try not to date lmao
what in the cluster b spectrum (I say as someone with bpd)
Thank you makes me feel like I am not crazy
So she blames you for trauma dumping and you blame her for having nurse syndrome? It’s sounds like a failed connection, best not to analyze and just move on.
Right
I think after a first date and before a second date is a good time to disclose anything big like that. If the first date doesn’t go well, there’s no need to bother.
You’re definitely right to disclose your disorder early on. It’d be a little traumatizing to her if she were to see you in an episode without warning. It’s for the better you two chose not continue things IMO.
Yes it’s for the best thank you
First date is not when I’d disclose this. To me this is a third date disclosure.
First dates are supposed to be get to know you casual.
Noted. I’ll try that next, I am new to the dating world.
It sounds like you were both throwing red flags like they were going out of style. Everything you wrote about her behaviour seems like it should be a hard pass, but it also sounds like you reacted poorly and might have been a little abrasive on the way out.
Either way, I hope you both find someone who is a better match.
You’re right reflecting on it I might have reacted badly too, makes me learn for the future in the dating world since I am pretty new.
