I’m honestly a little bit hesitant to ask this because don’t wanna seem like I’m stepping on toes.
So I’ve been doing some thinking stuff over the last few weeks/months and am starting to question shit.
I’ve always been cis male presenting and for the most part it’s all I’ve really known, but I’m not in the least bit masculine. Back in the early 00s, the term metro-sexual was a thing and I sort of identified with that but like, meh? Idk. Now that just feels chauvinistic for some reason.
Recently I’ve been thinking about my own gender identity and although I present as a male, I honestly don’t really care. I also have that autism(or is it just ND?) thing where I feel like a being or entity in a human suit basically. Like my inner self is controlling the body that people see me as, which is, of course male presenting.
I’ve been looking a bit into agender and demigender and hit some of the checkboxes but not really all, but I also don’t really know another term for essentially “male body but don’t care”. A reddit search brought up “gender apathy” and that’s a kind of maybe I guess.
The only other conclusion is that I am just cis, but fully aware of it maybe? Like I have a way wider understanding of gender and even sexuality than I did a decade ago so maybe I’m just cis and just not toxic about it? I’m just “woke” maybe?
I guess call this a journal-post but def open for discussion. I’m just going through some heavy mental exploration. I’m not sure if there is even a question here. Just me being confused.
I guess a question could be: how do you know? How do you know where you land on the gender spectrum? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill?
Honestly, “masc-presenting agender/enby” feels kind of right. You ever go swimming underwater and resurface and feel that like “lungs full of fresh air and things coming into clarity” sensation? And when I posted this I was even wondering if demigender with a bit of agender makes sense. Like I’m demi-male but 25% agender that covers that sort of “other” genderness?
Thanks for sharing. A lot resonated with my own experiences. Regarding male coded stuff, I know I do outward present. I have a full beard but even though, I still do feel less masculine and more feminine I think. Basically my “masculinity” is only probably just because of what society has associated with it. When I was clean shaven, I’ve been mistaken for a girl a few times.