Yep. “Work on yourself” sounds right but where’s the rest? Nobody has an answer except the far right who use that as an opening to groom them into the incel politics/culture war army. Usually the answer from everyone else is “figure it out yourself”. Because you’re supposed to be a big man. And men just figure shit out.
That’s a traditionalism that is still being upheld. Especially by left leaning. It’s not very progressive to uphold traditional gender stereotypes is it. These are guys that need help. And you tell them “work on yourself” in other words just figure it out bro. Oh, they figure alright. Figure right into the very thing you all hate so much.
As you said these topics are hard to broach. Why then does “clean your room” and “take a shower” come so easily from a certain type of person.
I think it’s important to consider who is on the other side of that conversation. If a woman rejects a guy, she does not owe him an explanation. She does not owe him “constructive criticism” and actionable things to work on because that is a monumental amount of emotional labor that is wholly unreasonable to demand of someone. This isn’t even getting into the issue that many women feel unsafe about rejecting certain types of guys because there’s a very reasonable fear that her “no” will just be ignored and she will become the target of assault or stalking.
Yes, someone needs to have serious, in-depth conversations with these young men, but the quiet part no one is saying is that that nebulous “someone” is implied to be the women that reject them. It is frankly disgusting to expect that emotional labor from someone who is explicitly trying to extract themselves from that relationship/interaction.
Yep. “Work on yourself” sounds right but where’s the rest? Nobody has an answer except the far right who use that as an opening to groom them into the incel politics/culture war army. Usually the answer from everyone else is “figure it out yourself”. Because you’re supposed to be a big man. And men just figure shit out.
That’s a traditionalism that is still being upheld. Especially by left leaning. It’s not very progressive to uphold traditional gender stereotypes is it. These are guys that need help. And you tell them “work on yourself” in other words just figure it out bro. Oh, they figure alright. Figure right into the very thing you all hate so much.
As you said these topics are hard to broach. Why then does “clean your room” and “take a shower” come so easily from a certain type of person.
I think it’s important to consider who is on the other side of that conversation. If a woman rejects a guy, she does not owe him an explanation. She does not owe him “constructive criticism” and actionable things to work on because that is a monumental amount of emotional labor that is wholly unreasonable to demand of someone. This isn’t even getting into the issue that many women feel unsafe about rejecting certain types of guys because there’s a very reasonable fear that her “no” will just be ignored and she will become the target of assault or stalking.
Yes, someone needs to have serious, in-depth conversations with these young men, but the quiet part no one is saying is that that nebulous “someone” is implied to be the women that reject them. It is frankly disgusting to expect that emotional labor from someone who is explicitly trying to extract themselves from that relationship/interaction.