after many years of depression, I have just given up on dating, it’s not fun, it’s not rewarding (for me) and my hobbies keep me happy and fulfilled enough. If something wants to happen, I’m ready to welcome it, if not, who cares
I’m sorry to hear you’ve had difficulty finding someone. If your hobbies keep you happy and fulfilled, just make sure those hobbies don’t keep you home alone. Go to gatherings of other hobby enthusiasts, good chance that there you’ll find someone that is your perfect fit
If those hobbies keep them happy does it really matter?
Human connection is extremely important. You could make due without it (probably not completely though) but theres an implication it would be better if one could be successfully social.
let’s say it’s more of keeping me distracted rather then happy
she’s bipolar
bpd
bad pussy disorder
bad person disorder - the pussy tends to be good
bad as in michael jackson bad
ITT: People who apparently never had an intrusive thought getting awfully judgy about someone’s immediate feelings.
Decency is to not act on negative emotions and impulses, not never having them.
On the other hand, the act of sharing this response without also sharing a method of resolution and/or a framing or context that makes it a passing feeling and not a “harsh reality about current society” or whatever your brain will try to attach to, just provides miserable people yet another rumination topic to get lost down.
For healthy adults, you learn how to manage or avoid rumination. For people without social experience, without a healthy level of emotional intelligence, and especially without good, involved parenting, a young mind can take a post like this and just get absolutely lost down the rabbit-hole of negative validation. Seeing someone in the community you connect with sharing a feeling that your already depressed brain can latch onto is a recipe for depressive contagions.
Get your teenagers off the internet people.
That is true, neither shaming people for how they might feel in the moment nor sharing it without context is great or helpful.
I suspect people are just good at identifying incels
“We have found a witch! May we burn her?”
I know relationships are larger than small moments shared at gas stations. I had thousands of tiny, beautiful moments in and around gas stations, still divorced.
Life is a fluid, evolving thing. Who you will be ten years from now is not who you are now, but it’s also not something you have to deal with at the moment.
One day, that couple may throw dinner plates at each other. Would that improve his perspective?
So, enjoy it while it’s there. Good for them. Those little moments are what life is about, if fleeting, but that just makes them all the sweeter.
Interesting how this short story includes height
Dude, incels are obsessed with height
The act of rumination on a depressive episode involves your brain trying to find something about you, something immutable and deeply connected with who you are as a person, and it takes that thing and amplifies it through a wickedly destructive lens.
See, a lot of people don’t know how their own brain works. They think they can think about something and their thoughts will reason out a solution, or that all their ideas are based on the brain’s ability to connect logical elements.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Your brain is designed to write a story to explain how you feel. That’s it. If you already feel bad, especially if you’re not entirely sure why, your brain will scramble for a story, it will tie together every weird loose-end it can find, and assemble a batshit nonsense story for you, which you will believe wholeheartedly. You think your brain is you. You think your thoughts have to be true if they come from inside. Many people never consider that their own thinking is fundamentally wrong, and most of us are wrong about a number of things we feel wholly confident about.
Curbing depressive episodes and getting your life back involves learning to identify when you start ruminating and nipping it in the bud. For many insecure, lonely guys, memes/stories like this will be MAJOR trigger-points for rumination episodes, an act that becomes strangely addictive when you’re suffering depression.
The difference between some sullen incel who hates life and hates you and hates women and hates themselves, but happens to be 5’ 9", versus a really short dude who has a nice girlfriend and smiles a lot about their life and appreciates what he has, absolutely comes down to how their brains have learned to assemble stories for their world and how emotionally intelligent they are. Some dude is reading this post right now gnashing their teeth and formulating pushback and opposition because their brain is resisting this message because brains hate to be wrong. Even though they’re very good at being wrong.
This is just… Wow, absolutely incredible explanation.
You discribe both nightmares and anxiety realy well with your explanation IMO. And intrusive thoughts probably follow the same “brain has a target, and just fills in the details to fet there” too.
Those people vaning away because of a girl 6 inches shorter though, I mean it’s just 15cm?? Even a shorty can find girls 15 cm shorter, right? Amazing.
It’s really unhealthy to categorize people by something as superficial as height though. I’m about 1 inch taller than my husband. The only consequence of that is the fact that it looks kinda silly if I wear really high heels. He’s not self-conscious about it, I’m not self-conscious about it, and if either of us placed value on the woman in a heteronormative relationship needing to be shorter, I wouldn’t have ended up with the love of my life.
Writing someone off because of one stat/measurement is absolutely insane and I think a lot of people would be happier if they quit or heavily limited their social media use to limit the torrent of self-criticism from comparison that come from social media.
Yes exactly.
Especially things you cannot change, but I guess that’s the thing making it even worse.
The thing you can change is your outlook and interpretation regarding the immutable parts of yourself. Your attitude about something is almost always much more important than the thing itself when it comes to relationships.
Yes, and in reverse, make some tiny thing a huge problem is also possible :-)
I think it sets up the scene, of her having to look up at his face a little bit
See a couple my age out in public. Its this guy who is 6 inches tall and is being held in the palm of the hand of his gf. “What?” He squeaks. She looks down at him relentlessly with a big closed smile. “I’m just glad I met you.”
NEED
proceeds to squash him with her head
Turns out, its his hing
“Gimme some forehead baby”
I’ll never understand that reaction. I completely understand seeing that and wanting to kill yourself, but I never thought the happy couple should die.
I see those kinds of couples and my only thoughts are usually some form of “lucky lucky. I’m such a worthless piece of shit.” Lol
Armchair psychology by your local dipshit:
Depression tends to be irrational, and thus thought processes around it tend to be irrational.
“if i can’t have it, nobody should have it”
also applies to everyone who opposes progress because they had it hard in life
That’s a lot of people. They’re a fucking problem.
Well I’ve had to deal with them my whole life, so you should too.
If I was in power we’d deal with them alright. Forced relocation to Bitterville, with a dictatorial mayor hell bent on fixing nothing.
I kinda get that. Its like trying to be happy for a billionaire who lives in a castle whilst you can barely afford rent.
this doesn’t really apply to billionaires, the same people who oppose things like student debt forgiveness will also lick billionaires’ boots and present them as the role models of the “american dream”
it’s the bitter people who had it hard in life, and think new generations having it easier is something bad, it’s unfair, even though as a civilisation we should all strive to make life easier for those who come after us. but no “if i had it bad in life, you have to go through the same, or you’re not really [insert whatever group you feel like, man/woman/american/minority]”, as if struggle and suffering was a right of passage
Except people having it easier due to progress comes at the cost of nobody, while billionaires having it good comes at great cost to everybody but them.
I’d argue that progress always comes at a cost to something, loss of jobs, rarer to mine minerals, loss in quality to meet demand, etc. But I hear ya
Yea for sure, but the cost-benefit is usually (hopefully) pretty skewed. Like even redistributing wealth from billionaires comes at a ‘cost’ to the billionaires, but the downside is their bank account number is smaller (which, who cares). I know you’re not disagreeing btw, just adding to the discussion.
No no appreciate the perspective, not all bad is net bad
I’ll never understand that reaction.
The experience probably felt painful (literally) for Anon so his lizard brain immediately wanted to strike back at what’s causing the pain. Doesn’t make much sense of course so he didn’t actually do it, probably felt bad about it too.
It probably depends on your personality, mainly agreeableness.
Agreeable people direct their anger and frustration at themselves, while those who are disagreeable direct it at others.
That makes a lot of sense and I do tend to score high in agreeableness when I’ve taken those silly personality tests
Now imagine you had more than a good shot, and you where the one who rejected her. How would you feel, looking back and seeing you where an idiot?
Fucking hell, you have to forgive your past self for being a dumbass. Everyone’s past self was an idiot literally because they didn’t know what present self knows.
Forgive your past and focus on working your present for what you want for your future self.
It’s not hippy-dippy bullshit, it’s literally the foundational principle for doing anything in life like getting fitter, starting a business, learning a new skill / subject, improving your dating prospects, etc.
If you only wallow in your past mistakes and not doing the teeny-tiniest improvements of literally 1% or 0.1%, then you’re not living, you’re just dying slowly. Living is much more fun.
You live and you learn, hopefully. But if you can do it once, you can do it again!
> Sees happy people
> Immediate reaction is wanting to kill them“Why am I always alone? :(”
btw you can put two spaces after a line for it to actually skip to the next one
like
this(there are two spaces after the word “like”)
(if you need any more information to understand this thing please ask, i’ll be happy to help :D)Just google markdown if you haven’t
Thanks, satan
My app bugged out a bit.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
They already appeared as multiple lines on my client, but I’ve added two spaces, thanks.
thats weird, for me it didnt. you’re welcome though!
Anon just needs to find himself someone as miserable as him, problem solved!
Normalized jealousy.
This is not the only reason a person is alone, right? I am also alone, but I don’t think I want to kill others for that
No, everyone who is alone is so because they want to commit murder.
Source: am alone
Remember: boardrooms, not classrooms.
Decent human beings, when confronted with the stark contrast between other people’s happiness and our own pathetic misery, feel suicidal, not homicidal
4chan proving it’s incel ground zero, those unfuckable virgins are a bane on society.
Maybe work on yourself and stop hating the world for your own problems.
My qualm with “working on yourself” advise is that it is too broad and non-specific, which I think makes a person even more confused. There are so many little details that a person may miss in relation to themselves. It requires a lot of introspection. But even then, even if the person does a lot of thinking, the conclusion may be wrong. For example, the guy does work out and believes he will attract girls; but if he doesn’t realise he’s got bad breath and got turned down for it, it could lead to the wrong conclusion for him that women in general are just mean, or whatever other wrong conclusion that the guy could draw from.
I’ve seen guys struggle with dating, even good looking ones, but most of the time it is because they struggle to figure out the finer details. However, the problem is that it is hard to broach the topic because it may offend the person. Each individuals are unique and as much as we are all unique in our own good way, it also applies that we are all uniquely flawed. We have to figure out the latter and rectify it without putting ourselves down. But even the process of rectifying one’s own self can be challenging, because introspection could lead to unhealthy conclusions and behaviours if not done in healthy manner.
I don’t know if it makes sense, but that’s just my two cents based from my personal experience and what I observed about others. I think many men are struggling because they don’t get specific enough advise. There is no “one size fits all” advise for men in dating and relationships (if there is, unfortunately the broad “one size fits all advise” are easily used for exploitation by those who could influence, as we saw with Andrew Tate and others). But as I mentioned, providing specific advise to individuals is a hard thing to broach.
Yep. “Work on yourself” sounds right but where’s the rest? Nobody has an answer except the far right who use that as an opening to groom them into the incel politics/culture war army. Usually the answer from everyone else is “figure it out yourself”. Because you’re supposed to be a big man. And men just figure shit out.
That’s a traditionalism that is still being upheld. Especially by left leaning. It’s not very progressive to uphold traditional gender stereotypes is it. These are guys that need help. And you tell them “work on yourself” in other words just figure it out bro. Oh, they figure alright. Figure right into the very thing you all hate so much.
As you said these topics are hard to broach. Why then does “clean your room” and “take a shower” come so easily from a certain type of person.
I think it’s important to consider who is on the other side of that conversation. If a woman rejects a guy, she does not owe him an explanation. She does not owe him “constructive criticism” and actionable things to work on because that is a monumental amount of emotional labor that is wholly unreasonable to demand of someone. This isn’t even getting into the issue that many women feel unsafe about rejecting certain types of guys because there’s a very reasonable fear that her “no” will just be ignored and she will become the target of assault or stalking.
Yes, someone needs to have serious, in-depth conversations with these young men, but the quiet part no one is saying is that that nebulous “someone” is implied to be the women that reject them. It is frankly disgusting to expect that emotional labor from someone who is explicitly trying to extract themselves from that relationship/interaction.
Incels probably need industrial strength therapy, not grooming. The mindset that they world owes them a woman, and that it’s somehow women’s fault that they’re celibate, is deeply toxic
There are people with a similar woman-hating mindset who are successful at attracting women, which might make them happier, but not better.
I always took “work on yourself” to mean “go to therapy”. That’s always a good start.
I concur. It’s also not helping that men don’t really get a lot of compliments, so they don’t know what they’re doing right. Plus certain people, like the creators of dating site or those awful PUA sites, trying to make a business from other people’s suffering. I mean, the general idea of getting neckbeards out of their comfort zones is laudable, but those parasites then took it way too far and turned to full-on exploitation and misogyny, cementing the status quo.
I used to know this pretty normal, likeable guy who used to be a real ladies’ man until his early 30s. Wondering what happened, he swallowed this whole PUA BS hook line and sinker, but things didn’t improve. What has changed about him, though, was that he had gotten a career and, while being quite successful and hoarding money big time, his free time was gone. He just wasn’t fun anymore. Also, he just didn’t look healthy anymore. And then we lost contact.Social media is terrible for this too. Spend any time on tiktok or youtube and it will at least try to serve you some light “men today have it so hard and it’s women’s fault” content. I imagine that if you bite, the algorithm will ramp it up.
We need more “men and women have it hard, let’s do something about it” content. It’s not a competition, it sucks for everybody.
Disclaimer: I was never an Incel. I held no ill will against women, I always had many female friends. I’m politically active and call myself a feminist. Still, I didn’t ever have a romantic partnership and I suffered from it.
I am 29 years old. This year I started treating my chronic depression I never admitted I had and oh wonder I found a wonderful partner in a matter of months. Incel ideology is so fucked up. These guys seriously need help and support structures but they reject all that and hate half of humanity instead.
Well, noone ever showed them differently. And then, thanks to the internet, they get sucked into some circle-jerk of, at first, involuntaries, and then they get hyped against women. At least it isn’t their own fault anymore but the women’s. They feel better, and the circle did a fullturn and starts to drag them deeper.
It’s understandable. But ultimately makes it harder and harder for them to ever crawl out of that pit and work on the real issues.
Incel ≠ misogynist. Incel means involuntary celibate. We need more people to learn about this and stop equating those two terms
Incel refers to guys that turned misogynist because they’re involuntarily celibate.
No, but ok
Yes. You don’t get to redefine a word just because you don’t like it. Incel does and always did mean that.
Oh please. Using Wikipedia as a source while knowing entries are provided by individuals. Here’s all of Wiktionary’s definitions of the word:
A member of an online subculture of people (mostly men) who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one.
(rare) An individual who is not sexually active despite having such a desire.
(uncountable, seduction community, informal) “Involuntary celibacy”: the state of being not sexually active despite wishing to be.
Incel is not a gendered word. Even females can be incels.
Did you somehow miss the 239 references saying you’re wrong?
Exactly. It’s funny how weird and distanced from reality the posts on 4chan are. As if 6 inches of height would make or break a relationship. My gf is ~5 inch taller than me and lifts more and guess what? She’s still devoted to me.
Wait till OP sees the same scene, but she’s 6" taller. Then he’ll really freak.
(Guys. Do not thou be afraid. I’ve dated women taller than me, by 5". It’s nice. That’s all.)
dating super tall girls is fun. op is a pussy
Not likely I’d meet a 6’10" woman.
Don’t let your dreams be memes!
I’ve also dated women taller than me and had no issue, my issue is simply that I find it funny how bodyshaming is only ok when you do it to men (no hair, fat gut, small peepee, short, etc) but any other time it’s bad and you should feel bad. How come “manlet” still gets a pass but we’ve deprecated “whale?”
Frankly I bet no shortage of those incels are fat or short guys with small weewees and bad hair and that the bodyshaming helps cement them in their misanthropic position, “why even try, I can’t grow taller or afford hair/dick surgery, yadda yadda…” Sure the fat can be worked on, but do we tell fat women that are lonely to slim down? Not anymore, that used to be true but now it’s bodyshaming and you’re the asshole for doing it, so why shouldn’t fat men love their bodies too? Body positivity isn’t only for women.
I guess what I’m trying to say is “Yeah, do not thou be afraid, but some of this shit needs to be talked about because it seems incongruous with reason, and honestly it may contribute to the problem.”
Body shaming isn’t okay for anyone. Men have always shared their preferences (“No fat chicks,” “No dark women,” “no tall women,” “blondes/Asians/Latina only”), but once women started to share their preferences (usually height and money), suddenly men see the cruelty of it. It sucks that it only really started becoming an issue in response to women’s autonomy.
There’s nothing wrong with short men, fat men, etc., but they’re now on a level playing field. Women’s personality is almost never important, it’s how they look. They’re mad that all women want the “highest class man” when men have been doing the same for ages. They want the cheerleader, the baddie, etc. Ugly women are place holders, a warm hole until men find what they want. When they get left, they ask why they didn’t take care of themselves. Now men see what it’s like to be judged either for things outside of their control, like their attractiveness or height, and their body type, regardless of its “their fault” or not. Just like women.
Doesn’t make it right, but I don’t know where this idea that body shaming only happens to men came from. The shaming comes from all sides and affects all of us, even the “pretty.”
I didn’t say it only happens to men, I said it’s only acceptable when it happens to men.
Basically if I put on a “no fat chicks” shirt I’m universally (and rightly) panned as a complete asshole by anyone except other dudes who would wear the same shirt, however if some woman puts “no manlets” in her tinder bio it’s “yasss go off queen” universally. If I make fun of small titted women (personally that’s a physical trait I actually prefer, but for the sake of the example) like “small titty committee” I’m clearly an asshole, but if a woman makes a small dick joke it’s all good?
I’m not even saying “don’t have preferences,” I’m just saying don’t be a prick about them (or do, but then you’re a prick whether you’re a man or a woman). As an example, if I’m going to reject a date with a woman I’m simply not attracted to I don’t say “eww no you’re ugly,” I politely say some variation of “I’m sorry but I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.”
You touched on it (though you were in defense of it), but two wrongs don’t make a right.
Basically if I put on a “no fat chicks” shirt I’m universally (and rightly) panned as a complete asshole by anyone except other dudes who would wear the same shirt, however if some woman puts “no manlets” in her tinder bio it’s “yasss go off queen” universally.
But that’s not true. There are parties on both sides that would cheer and jeer both shirts. I have absolutely seen some women cheer that kind of shit, but it’s not universal. Just like “not all men,” not all women behave like that. Do some women make fun of small dicks, absolutely. Do some men make fun of small dicks. Yes. Do some men and women make fun of attributes they find unattractive, yes. I did not meant to come off as I’m defending the jeering for either, both are inappropriate and cruel, but the idea that women are able to go around just saying whatever about whatever with no push back is false, as well as the idea that people are not still picky about women’s bodies and how they live.
I still believe that some men are facing this for the first time, so it feels like it’s just them. They didn’t see this when women’s magazines were focused on how to get a man. They didn’t see a issue when only women with a certain shape were in media. They didn’t care that women were plot devices instead of characters. They didn’t care that a lot of “coming of age” movies for girls were about the glow up, and not character development. They not only didn’t care, they got angry when women just started to be included, especially if they aren’t “attractive”, in video games. There was no outcry about how terrible any of that was until women started to get loud about it. And I’m glad that men are included in this movement, because they have been dealing with a lot of shit that they had to bury, but I do not see this “it’s okay to make men feel like shit but not women” attitude universally. And I do not see women no longer being included in the list of targets.
Again, I’m not saying only women do it either. You seem to be taking my statements out of context. “Universally,” as it may imply, includes men as well who think “have truck so small peepee” jokes are original groundbreaking material. Sure, I don’t mean “literally every human on earth including uncontacted Amazonian tribes in Brazil and babies without the capacity for language” by “universal,” but rather “widely accepted by society” since pedantry is your purview. Yes there are some people who think neither is ok (oh hey look it’s me) but there are more people who think one is ok but not the other (and I’m guessing that’d be you, since you chose to take up the argument on the “pro women bodyshaming men” side when I dared to assert that I see more acceptance of body shaming in one direction than the other.)
As to women’s magazine’s focus on “how to get a man,” this may come as a surprise, but I’m not an editor of a woman’s magazine and I feel comfortable guessing that most men also do not edit women’s magazines. In fact most men are completely divorced from such publications be it “employed by” or “subscribed to.” I’ve never read a cosmo in my life and honestly I’d bet no woman under 30 has either, print is so dead reading is a hobby now (and one I enjoy, still not women’s magazines though.) As such I (and likely most men) have absolutely 0, I repeat 0 influence on what is contained within those glossy pages. I can’t blame women for what GQ publishes (the only “men’s magazine” I can think of so sue me) I can just “continue not reading that garbage, and pick up MAD or Mineshaft (the only good magazines I can think of) instead.” In fact many men did see an issue with all that, they still weren’t the publishers, mostly boyfriends and husbands of cosmo obsessed women that said things like “idk where the hell that magazine gets it’s bullshit,” it was widely (that better?) panned for offering crazy unsubstantiated advice like “Shake his nuts like you’re playing Yahtzee.” (Yes, that is an actual cosmo quote, these people can’t be trusted.) Comedians even have bits on it, so many it’s now hack!
Meanwhile: I have a gun and I drive a truck.
Now, that’s not true, but what was the first thing you thought of upon reading it? That I’m “clearly compensating for something?” Try posting that same sentiment somewhere else, where it isn’t clearly bait, and see what happens. Then post a pic of some ugly/fat/whatever woman on r/selfie (or somewhere equally “not bait”), and see what happens. Guarantee you’ll see one is more widely accepted.
I apologize if I took your statement out of context. But where are we getting that “more people think one is okay and not the other?” And where in any of my responses have I said anything close to “pro women body shaming men?” I have said both are cruel and not appropriate and if any of my statements have come off as anything else, I again apologize because that was not, is not, and will never be my intention. I’m trying to say that it’s going on for both. I personally do not believe the claim that now it’s okay to make fun of men, nor would I agree with that if someone was arguing that. I’m trying to say that the issues men are facing when it comes to physical judgements are the same pressures women are also dealing with.
When it comes to the women’s magazine, I did not mean to imply that men need to read those magazines, nor that they are the ones making all articles(and while print may be dead, websites, TikTok, etc are still thriving), I brought it up because a lot of articles for women, print or otherwise, were focused on how to get men and make yourself attractive to men, not about actual women’s issues. And to think that men have no influence on the media that they often curated is naive, just as it would be to say women don’t affect it either. What men are attracted to has an affect on what articles for women tend to reflect, what women get on TV, and what women are allowed to be visible. Like the whole trend of “men don’t like - insert clothing item here-.” or men not liking heavy make up. All of them? No, but it did and does happen. Now, men are also getting the “this is what it takes to be a high value man” and they don’t like it. I wouldn’t not want them to like it or be silent while that happens. I can be anti body shaming if it only applies to some people.
Just because I don’t agree with you about men getting judged more frequently or harshly than women (because I think men are just now included in this particular fray) does not mean I agree with you being shamed, judged, etc.
Also, I live in the US. Don’t get me wrong, people absolutely do judge that, but not all, and you assuming that I think you’re compensating for something is incorrect. You’ve wrote thoughtful, amicable, responses to my comments and are clearly very passionate about the issue. You were not rude, you didn’t curse me out or degrade me. That is not the behavior I associate with someone trying to compensate, and I’m sorry that people have made you feel that way (myself included if I’ve done that to you). I am also sorry to come off that I think people being cruel or judgemental to men is okay because “women deal with it to.”
Body shaming of men in current year 2024 is more acceptable to society at large than body shaming of women in current year 2024, if you’re seriously denying that you’re not paying attention or are stuck on “but it used to be-” yet we’re talking about the current “2024” year that is the one we’re in. Literally just observe or try body shaming both for yourself (for science only lol) and find out, if someone calls body shaming men out here it was probably me lol.
What I’m saying is that “Woman fat” has become an unacceptable comment in 2024, while it may have been acceptable in the past, it no longer is at least largely, yet “man with truck have small peepee,” is still largely lauded as comedic genius in 2024. I’m saying “one go down but the other go up,” which you seem to actually agree with I think.
I’m also saying that public perception of body shaming depends on the gender shamed: When men are shamed for body related things like not enough hair, fat, small wiener, or short, the majority of responses are “funny” or “truu” or “slay,” yet when women are shamed for excess hair, fat, small titti, or tall, the comments are all “body positivity,” etc. This may be the part we disagree on, but we’ll just have to keep disagreeing lol.
I’m just trying to get to the point where it doesn’t matter what gender is body shamed, there’s some consistency applied to the “don’t make fun of people for what they can’t control” bit, if that’s the direction we’re moving in.
Honestly it seems like we may agree more than disagree.
I’m still holding hope that someday someone taller than me will be amenable to a date. I’m just tired of always being the spinner instead of the spinnee in the dance of life.
Anon might be one of them haters I’ve heard of
