Hi everyone!
I think this needs a bit of backstory before I get into the actual problem. There will be a TL;DR at the end.
I am in my 30s and for some time now, after an encounter with an acquaintance from abroad who had been diagnosed with ADHD, I have been suspecting I might have it too. All the struggles and hardships he faced in his life overlap quite a bit with my own experiences. At first I didn’t think much of it, but found it rather strange as I always envisioned ADHD just as the physically hyperactive part and never really looked into it. But on multiple occasions, especially after joining Lemmy, there were popping up posts from the ADHDmemes community which were scary relatable. There were also some youtube videos, where creators I follow started to talk about their experiences and the process of getting diagnosed and how everything after that went for them. Considering all of that, I am fairly certain that I fall into this category as it would explain quite a bit about myself and why I do things the way I do.
In my current relationship we hit a brick wall. I am very sensitive to stress and when in a stressful situation I tend to have outbursts of anger. Nothing violent, just verbally condescending. Exhibit A: “So, what do you plan to do about it?” “Do I look like I have a fucking clue what to do?!” or Exhibit B: “So, what now?” “I can’t talk about it now or the next few days.” (might be bad examples, but I can’t come up with anything better)
This, of course, has led to one too many fights and problems not just with my partner, but with parents and family (including all the other things associated with ADHD as I found here https://lemmy.world/post/24554298).
Getting a diagnosis in my country (non-EU) would be hard. There seems to be just one doctor who does it in another city (I don’t think any of it would be even covered with healthcare) and from googling around it seems that medications is rather scarce. After doing one online questionnaire, which someone in a video suggested, I got a pretty low score meaning I don’t have it.
Would going thru the effort and trying to get medication solve my stress related issues? Or would it just make it bearable? The ultimatum was clear - either solve it or gtfo. Talking to her about my suspicions about the causes didn’t seem to yield any results as it is just a suspicion.
Before anyone suggests it, I went to therapy for a few years and it has helped greatly, but with (likely) faulty hardware there is only so much software trickery you can pull off.
TL;DR: I am undiagnosed and therefore unmedicated. Partner set an ultimatum to get my sensitivity to stress under control or we are splitting for good. Has medication helped anyone with this specific issue?
I am in a similar spot right now. Not diagnosed (yet), but I do suspect very strongly I have it.
DM me if you would like to talk about it.
However I believe it it best to get diagnosed, since I think this uknown state is the worst.
If the money is not issue there must exist even some online therapists willing to diagnose you. But I am not sure about that.
Stimulant medications can help with executive disfunction, and if that is something problematic in your life, having it go better can have ripple effects on the rest of your life, like for instance confidence levels, feelings of well being and happiness.
Anti depressants can help with mood fluctuations and anxiety.
Tranquilizers can help with panic attacks.
Depending on the country you’re from, a simple visit to a GP could yield some results, especially if your therapist is a registered psychologist and discusses a medication trial with your doctor.
As others have commented, there is no cure for the thing we call ADHD, and being medicated only helps with some things. You will still need to navigate the difficult parts of your life.
A change in mindset can have dramatic effects on anger issues and talking about sensitive issues. Learning how you work and communicating what you need (coping strategies) to your loved ones is important. If you haven’t already discussed coping strategies in therapy then I would go that route.
Personally, I identify with your struggles and although I don’t think I will ever resolve some of those difficulties, I have made good progress. When something sensitive comes up that I don’t want to talk about or if I feel anger, I say to my partner let’s revisit this topic later after I have had time to cool down and reason about it with logic instead of emotion. The time when the topic is revisited can be a few hours or the next day but not too long in the future.
Good luck friend.
Thanks for the honest response, I appreciate it. I did try to communicate it, but it didn’t quite get to her. All I can do is try again.
Personally, medication has helped my sensitivity to stress, but in altering the way it presents itself rather than eliminating it. Before I was medicated, I was petty, irritable, short-tempered, and condescending. After I was medicated, I was still petty, irritable, short-tempered, and condescending; my anger simply surges in my blood pressure rather than feeling like a hundred angry bees inside my skull, which I find easier to deal with (and now ‘Take a deep breath’ means something to me other than ‘Take a moment to reflect on how much ANGRIER PAUSING TO REMEMBER THIS makes you’).
It might help if you do have ADHD, but it’s probably not the cure-all you’re hoping for.
This for sure. There is no ‘cure’ for ADHD. The medications can make it easier to manage, but it still needs managed.
If it were just to solve this one, I would be happy. The other stuff I can live with, as I have all these years. I’m not happy about it, but it doesn’t hinder me too much.
This is exactly how I feel. Just a sudden and uncontrolable outburst. It’s a stark contrast to how I am usually. I conciously avoid getting into any situation which might cause such behavior just soother don’t percieve me as weird or dangerous.
Mm, I’d say that’s different from my experience with ADHD, just as a fair warning. My anger unmedicated was neither sudden nor uncontrollable; rather, it’s more like a buildup that continually tests my patience until I lose it. A thousand tiny scratches (or bee stings) until I burst. Now that I’m medicated, I feel it as a rush instead of a steady irritant, and I find controlling my body much easier than controlling my patience.
If you manage to get a meeting with a psych, just be open about your symptoms. Mental health is a very wide field, just keep in mind that the doc might perceive something other than ADHD behind your symptoms. It’s all very trial and error, unfortunately, but it’s a necessary part of the process.
Would going thru the effort and trying to get medication solve my stress related issues?
Solved? Nah, there’s little to nothing to be “solved” with medication.
The sweet spot with medication can, however, bring one to a point where emotions are not as extreme.
Anecdotally, I noticed that I had anger outbursts after I resumed medication. I would notice the contrast of the extreme emotion on the days I didn’t take meds, or when the meds had worn off.
So, in my experience, meds could help mellowing the reactions. Note that when I say meds, I’ve only had dexies.
Tap for spoiler
Note this is an individuals opinion and is not intended to be medical advice. Please do your own research and talk to varied people before messing with your body
Thanks for the feedback. I was excepting such a response, but one has to keep on hoping.
Recognising that there are items to address is one of the hardest steps of self-improvement. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
I’m still undiagnosed too, but I have my first diagnostic appointment scheduled in March. I was in a similar situation as you, there’s only one single doctor for adult ADHD in my state, which is why I first had to wait almost a year for the waiting list to open and then another 4 months until the actual appointment.
I’m pinning all my hopes on this diagnosis. My ADHD traits have been causing a lot of friction in my previous relationship and the first issues are emerging in my current one.
I can’t say if it will make your stress go away, but maybe the focus you gain will eliminate some of the causes of stress. If you really suspect you might have ADHD, I can only advise you to look into it. Maybe there are self-help groups in your area that you can use to bridge the gap until you get an official diagnosis.
