Woman: You see her? You think she’s pretty?

Guy: Hmmm?

“Do you think she’s pretty?”

“I guess…why?”

“So, you think she’s prettier than me?”

“Do I think she’s prettier than you…hmmmmm, let me see your butt.”

“What?”

“I gotta compare butts.”

“You have to compare butts…to know if she’s prettier than me?”

“Well, yeah. How would you YOU judge it?”

“Self depricatingly! Obviously!”

“That’s because you can’t see your own butt.”

“Huh?”

“It’s behind you. It’s a great butt, but you never see it.”

“What’s so special about my butt?”

“Here, bend over a second. Let me show you something.”

“Ok…”

“You feel this? This is a nice thick curve. It’s got some juicyness to it, and right here—no no, don’t straighten up. Stay like this. A man is explaining your own worth to you now.”

“A man…”

“Yes, that’s right. Don’t worry, you don’t need to be observant, which means to notice things. You’re pretty. That means you don’t need to think, or even notice how pretty you are. You’ll still be treated nice.”

“I…what?”

“Shhhhhhhh, don’t ruin it by talking.”

And THAT is how you get women to stop being self conscious about if they’re pretty enough, and START a whole new fight about if you think they’re smart. Then, you just let them win a few arguements of being smart, which creates confidence within them. And that ends their internal need to prove themselves to you, because now they feel smart AND pretty.

And now you’re not fighting. Or maybe you are. I’m single and don’t understand life. It sounds like a solid plan though.