You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
You’re looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.
The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn’t deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that’s not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.
Being emotionally balanced and secure about something at all in your life goes a long way to building a character that other people want to be around.
If these terms are meaningless to you and you don’t get it, you’re not ready for dating.
You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
You’re looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.
The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn’t deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that’s not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.